"Would You Kindly?" 😖 Communication and Lack Thereof In the Tickle/Kink Community

[Sunriseticklee]

"Would You Kindly?" 😖 Communication and Lack Thereof In the Tickle/Kink Community

To the PEOPLE who grow angry when a person doesn't just gladly disrobe and do everything you could ever dream of them doing just because you showed the basic and weakest level of a LOW EFFORT as you hardly managed to pretend to communicate a molecule of interest... would you kindly just STOP!

SERIOUSLY STOP!

STOP with the posts, threads, the blind emails, the bitter comments, and angry writings complaining about how YOU don't get as much play as you deserve!

So yesterday, I was approached in a chatroom. My DMs were disabled, so the person said he was currently in town and he publicly requested a paid/ unpaid tickle session (Yes, both- He wanted to pay or not pay me LOL). This person had NEVER spoken to me before. I have absolutely no idea who he is, but he thought that just because we were in the same city there would be a chance that I would meet him and automatically play. He never did introduce himself or tell me anything about himself at all.

I told him that I only play with established friends or people who I meet at public events. He stated, "I saw that you posted something in the personals section." I had to literally copy and paste the line in my personal about friendship. He replies, "Worth a try I figured." He even stated that I should just meet with him for dinner anyway just to see if I wanted to play afterwards.

That was your try? That a person would throw all thoughts of safety and caution to the wind? Your hope was that someone would let you touch their body when they don't know who you are in the slightest?

ME: It's also always good to get to know the person a bit before asking for a session. Especially if you have never spoken to the person before.

But should I have to say that?

He then starts to share how he has tickled people without permission/ consent. And that everyone tickles their friends. The room balks at that idea of tickling people without expressed consent- ESPECIALLY people who are not privy to the fact that it is a fetish for you- to which he responds, "I literally don't care!"

Umm... Ummm what, Sir? You don't care about getting consent before you touch someone without permission? And the rest of the conversation flies into a downward spiral as he goes up in flames, begs not to be blocked by the majority of the room, and then leaves the chatroom.

Now here is the issue... HE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE!

I receive these messages from people in my DMs consistently. And whether I answer kindly, not so kindly, or just say nothing at all- the majority of the people who send these messages get rude, ugly, demanding, and downright disrespectful. And this is JUST ME, so I can only assume that there are many others, particularly women, who are addressed the same way.

And I don't get it. I really DO NOT understand how certain people feel like this is the move. I don't get how you feel like you can show up and speak to a person and not do any of the basic social things you should do to engage in proper conversation. And I have to constantly state that I am not a model or a paid SWer, BUT that implies that they can be approached the same way- AND THEY SHOULDN'T. They SHOULD NOT!

This happens so frequently that I'm starting to believe that this is now the accepted culture in the kink community- this lack of real communication and this attitude of entitlement. There was just a thread here where people not only complained about lack of play, but also threatened the one female who called them out on it.

Where the hell does it come from? Takes me MONTHS to shoot my damn shot and gather up whatever is in me to ask if the person would feel comfortable enough with me to meet publicly for a cup of coffee. I don't expect anyone to be like me, but the demands and the immediate anger at the word NO or even WAIT are ridiculous, unnecessary, and self-destructive!

Wherever this behavior has come from, send it BACK! IMMEDIATELY!

Would you kindly STOP... Please!?

If only it was as easy as it was in Bioshock before he found out the ugly truth. LOL

• Would you kindly remember that we are human beings with feelings and emotions and approach us with respect?
• Would you kindly respect our boundaries?
• Would you kindly have a conversation and not assume that because we like the same things, we are down for whatever?
• Would you kindly not assume that because we are craving it, we must be desperate for it?
• Would you kindly not assume that because we are into it, we must your want pictures, and lewd talk, and tickle talk, and role play?
• Would you kindly not conclude that just because you are aroused, we should be?
• Would you kindly acquire explicit and enthusiastic consent each and every single time?

Would you kindly?

 

[primetime]

I totally understand this. It amazes me that people can't use basic polite human behavior. A lot of these folks (mainly men) think with only one part of their body (guess which part) and assume that any woman that admits they like tickling, automatically want to be tickled by anyone and everyone. Your thoughts, feelings, and desires? They do not exist. You are a toy. They can't find anyone in "regular" society, so a woman on a forum that likes tickling is a unicorn and they must try and tickle at all costs. Feelings be damned.

It is weird. "Normal" society has these weird folks who do not have any social skills at all when it comes to kinks. I have noticed that whenever I have gone to tickle gatherings, or BDSM parties, by and large, people are nice, polite, civil, open minded and respectful. It is as though they understand basic human civility. The internet allows those who lack social skills to try and interact with women, and assume the woman automatically want to play. It really does baffle the mind.

I feel for you women that have to endure this. Then dudes wonder why there aren't many women around. Maybe because a bunch of chuckleheads and psychos scared them away....

 

[Sunriseticklee]

It is weird. "Normal" society has these weird folks who do not have any social skills at all when it comes to kinks. I have noticed that whenever I have gone to tickle gatherings, or BDSM parties, by and large, people are nice, polite, civil, open minded and respectful. It is as though they understand basic human civility. The internet allows those who lack social skills to try and interact with women, and assume the woman automatically want to play. It really does baffle the mind.

I feel for you women that have to endure this. Then dudes wonder why there aren't many women around. Maybe because a bunch of chuckleheads and psychos scared them away....

Your words hit the nail on the head! These behaviors are something we have to constantly watch for every time we enter
a kink space whether virtually or in person.

Although, I agree that public meetings at munches and gatherings do tend to be safer, unfortunately, some of these people get into these events despite the efforts of organizers to keep them away. On more than one occasion, I have had men walk into a scene and jump in (actually put their hands on me) without permission. They have to be quickly reminded that they need consent! But why should this be a reminder DURING or AFTER a scene when consent is a common requirement in any kink space?

With his hands STILL ON ME, one man actually asked the ticklers if he could join the scene. The lers?

"You have to ask her!"

To which I had to respond, "I don't know who you are! We are in a middle of a scene! NO!"

We have to constantly be on guard. And YES... there are women who leave the community all together due to the constant badgering and toxicity they encounter from people who think their presence is permission for whatever.

Thank you for your words!

 

[Lee Ishler]

I'm sorry to hear this. I did recently DM you in chat, but it was just one line saying I replied to your comment on another post here in the forum. That's all I said. But maybe that was not a good idea. I'm still fairly new in the chatroom, and have since found out you are supposed to ask out in the main room first for permission to DM someone. I will now keep this in mind.

I was not aware of this rule, because ever since I started going in there, I have been getting DM'd many times myself, and they don't ask me for permission first in the main room. But now I know.

I really just DM the people I already know. I admit I did try DM'ing a few I don't know, at first anyway, but I was never inappropriate. I would just say, "Hi." Sometimes they responded, sometimes not.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Why? Why Would He Do This HERE? On this Thread?

I'm sorry to hear this. I did recently DM you in chat, but it was just one line saying I replied to your comment on another post here in the forum. That's all I said. But maybe that was not a good idea. I'm still fairly new in the chatroom, and have since found out you are supposed to ask out in the main room first for permission to DM someone. I will now keep this in mind.

Could you literally, NOT?!

Could you really stop talking to me and thus proving my entire point on this thread?!

If I say to stop DMing me in the chatroom, and you CONTINUE to... which you did, I'm going to block you.

• Then you complain to the chatroom about the block.
• Then you follow me to my Private Messages on TMF and message me ANYWAY after it is clear that I do not wish to speak to you.
• And then you follow me on my thread here to contact me again?!!

Seriously, dude?!!!
This is excessive and unacceptable.
If any person wants to be left alone, LEAVE THEM ALONE, DUDE!

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT I DON'T WANT ANY FURTHER CONTACT FROM YOU FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER?

If proving my point was a person!

 

[Comfort Eagle]

A lot of ticklefucks blame the fetish, specifically, for their relative "bad" love/sex lives, and will very clearly expect all of the women involved in said fetish to understand that and sympathize. When they don't, they get mad at all the TickleStacys spending all their time with TickleChad and ignoring them. Because they have little to no basis of for a "normal" relationship where a lot of this shit gets figured out pretty early on. They couldn't, the tickle fetish ruined! that for them.
The word "entitlement" sends a lot of people up the wall, but there does seem to be this unspoken (sometimes said outright) expectation that everyone here is just supposed to acknowledge we're all fucked up losers who can't fuck and will never relate to another, "normal" person", therefore slack needs to be cut.

And that's the nicest way I can phrase that observation.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

I guess there is a lot to sort through, for both men and women! The men are frustrated that there are so few women, and each one has a gaggle of guys chasing after them. The women are frustrated because so many men act as described by OP.

Maybe the best answer is, as for many things in life, to focus on the positive 🙂. For women dealing with the conduct described by OP, at least, if you are willing to take the time and aggravation to screen out the many guys you don't want to deal with, you'll have plenty more choices?

 

[Sunriseticklee]

I guess there is a lot to sort through, for both men and women! The men are frustrated that there are so few women, and each one has a gaggle of guys chasing after them. The women are frustrated because so many men act as described by OP.

Maybe the best answer is, as for many things in life, to focus on the positive 🙂. For women dealing with the conduct described by OP, at least, if you are willing to take the time and aggravation to screen out the many guys you don't want to deal with, you'll have plenty more choices?

Nope- A lot of us try but grow very tired of the constant abuse. It becomes harder and harder to find the "diamonds in the rough." It's not enjoyable, and it gets to the point where some women take breaks away (including me) or just give up all together.

It's the reason why some of us are satisfied to just find one cool partner, and we disappear. It's harder for those of us who feel a community should ACTUALLY function as a community. We enjoy spending time with others within the kink, and we love bringing others together, new and old, whether it be for a meal or a play party or whatever.

As people are struggling to continue to enjoy this community, the advice to just focus on the positive and deal with the conduct instead of DEALING with ones who continue to engage in the conduct so aggressively is just not enough to address such an invasive problem.

Should we be as content to allow bad actors to continue to ignore consent, badger others, and run off more and more people within our community? This isn't just about poor communication. This is about failing to honor consent and all the other toxic behaviors that make things DANGEROUS and not just inconvenient for those just trying to enjoy this piece of their lives.

Should the responsibility lie solely on women to "screen out" guys who don't take no for an answer without going to extremes in language and behaviors?

Interesting.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

A lot of ticklefucks blame the fetish, specifically, for their relative "bad" love/sex lives, and will very clearly expect all of the women involved in said fetish to understand that and sympathize. When they don't, they get mad at all the TickleStacys spending all their time with TickleChad and ignoring them.

And that's the nicest way I can phrase that observation.

Well... You answered why for some of the behaviors. And I do appreciate it. LOL

I wish some of the ones who actually DO have social skills could mentor those who do not!!!
LOL I know I can't put that on any individual. But MAN! Sympathy has gotten me in some dangerous situations. And silence has gotten other people in those same situations or worse with the same individuals.

 

[primetime]

I wish those of us with social skills could teach the others. lol But, some folks do not care about the other person's thoughts. You would think being nice and respectful would be common and really easy to do, but nope. The internet age has really brought out troll like behavior. It allows folks to show who they really are. Maybe society was always like this, but it was just hidden. Who knows.

I am glad to see that at gatherings and such, there are enough good people to try to shut down unwanted behaviors. There is an understanding that if we (men) are blessed with the opportunity to engage in tickle play with another (typically a woman), we MUST be on our best behavior. You do not let a golden opportunity to play slip by because you can't control yourself. Be civil and engaging with the woman, and most likely she will play. This may be a shock to some men, but women are actually human beings with feelings and thoughts. They are not toys to do whatever with. If the woman declines your invitation, take it on the chin and move on. It happens. Life doesn't end. It suck, it really does, but you will definitely not play with them ever if you keep annoying them.

To all the women I have played with at these gatherings (Y'all really need to check some of these out if you are in Southern California. Just sayin....) and may be reading this thread, thank you for allowing me to have fun with you. I look forward to more interactions with you soon.

 

[HallKogan]

I empathize with this.

Over the years I’ve had people DM me asking about commissions, and requests for sexualized tickling stories.

While I was initially flattered they chose me, I later had some of my works taken down for this reason. I won’t deny writing something a little spicy on occasion, but anyone who’s read my work knows I lean toward lighthearted romantic tales. People getting kidnapped, tortured, and characters orgasmiming all over the place isn’t my bag.

I also blocked several people on Deviantart for a similar reason, if they weren’t being overly critical (if you seriously come at me over DM because you don’t like a character’s
footwear, then write your own stories) then it was demanding more more more no matter how much I wrote.

Being at a place in my life in the last year when I made it known that I didn’t have the ability to go any further with writing… getting DMs where I’m expected to perform like a dancing monkey didn’t feel good to say the least.

I’ve had a lot of fun here, and I’ve made some good friends, but some people really need to chill out.

 

[ticklingj]

I have a question that hopefully doesn't sound dumb...(I don't use the chat room here). When you say someone sends you a DM outside the chat room, is that message a function of the chat room or is that the same as clicking on a profile and sending a message that way?

 

[Ankhlet]

This is why I limit my posts here and never go in the chat room. I get so many messages from people I don’t know who do everything from asking random questions to wanting me ‘to make them cum’. I mean, you can’t even say Hi? I’ve been called all sorts of names by guys I’ve chatted with on Discord for ten minutes who are just enraged because I’m not into letting them fly across the country to restrain me. Seriously?
And idk about others, but if you want to chat with me you’d better have some basic grasp of language. My fav example is from years ago. I got a message here saying, ‘Ur cute, wat makes u hot’
My reply, ‘Grammar and punctuation.’
I never heard from them again, heehee!

I’ve chatted with several people whose first language is not English and they have all been super nice and fun.

Anyway, I just block people and giggle to myself. To those of you who are nice, thank you sooooo much!

 

[MarkyisTickly]

Unfortunately this is part of the internet experience. Some idiots think, because they just come on here, they're automatically entitled to have their desires met without effort. It exists everywhere, not just the tickle community and its sad. Very sad.

I am glad to see that at gatherings and such, there are enough good people to try to shut down unwanted behaviors. There is an understanding that if we (men) are blessed with the opportunity to engage in tickle play with another (typically a woman), we MUST be on our best behavior. You do not let a golden opportunity to play slip by because you can't control yourself. Be civil and engaging with the woman, and most likely she will play. This may be a shock to some men, but women are actually human beings with feelings and thoughts. They are not toys to do whatever with. If the woman declines your invitation, take it on the chin and move on. It happens. Life doesn't end. It suck, it really does, but you will definitely not play with them ever if you keep annoying them.

THIS! So much this! I was about to say the same thing but you hit the nail on the head. And I'm not gonna pull the whole "#NotAllMen" because that doesn't help. Obviously not of all us men are like this but experiences with certain men can leave a lot of women uncomfortable and less motivated to engage in the community. I know for a fact I would be in much discomfort if someone I wasn't interested in started annoying and stalking me to have their kinks met and it could turn me away. So it shouldn't be okay for women to go through the same thing. Honestly, the sooner there are more men who can control themselves and be on their best behaviour, the less likely women will leave the community because of toxicity.

 

[Wolf]

The anonymity of the internet is a two-edged sword, to be sure. On the one hand, it provides folks with place to explore their own interests and desires without being subject to public exposure or ridicule, and lets them safely connect to people of like mind; on the other hand, it lets the creepers "safely" indulge in some behaviors that deserve ridicule and public exposure.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

Nope- A lot of us try but grow very tired of the constant abuse. It becomes harder and harder to find the "diamonds in the rough." It's not enjoyable, and it gets to the point where some women take breaks away (including me) or just give up all together.

It's the reason why some of us are satisfied to just find one cool partner, and we disappear. It's harder for those of us who feel a community should ACTUALLY function as a community. We enjoy spending time with others within the kink, and we love bringing others together, new and old, whether it be for a meal or a play party or whatever.

As people are struggling to continue to enjoy this community, the advice to just focus on the positive and deal with the conduct instead of DEALING with ones who continue to engage in the conduct so aggressively is just not enough to address such an invasive problem.

Should we be as content to allow bad actors to continue to ignore consent, badger others, and run off more and more people within our community? This isn't just about poor communication. This is about failing to honor consent and all the other toxic behaviors that make things DANGEROUS and not just inconvenient for those just trying to enjoy this piece of their lives.

Should the responsibility lie solely on women to "screen out" guys who don't take no for an answer without going to extremes in language and behaviors?

Interesting.

I did not say suggest that the "responsibility should lie solely on women" to screen out guys who behave badly. That, as you put it, is an "interesting" way of twisting my point around. Instead, I suggest that as a practical matter, that's the choice, given that people are as they are. The rest of my post indicated sympathy for that conundrum and suggested a way of dealing with it. Which you of course are free to reject.

I wil add, though, that at some point, if you found one cool partner, then you must have done some screening at some point in time. While I know that some say people have gotten worse, I disagree with that. A read of history shows human nature to be a constant over time.

While your solution is "DEALING" with the bad actors, you don't propose a practical way to do that. Telling the bad actors to stop acting badly doesn't seem likely to work. Asking the unpaid moderators to kick people out more aggressively asks too much of them. Though I suppose you could propose that this be a paid site, and that the moderators be asked to do more of that in return.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

If you go back to the ORIGINAL post, I never said MEN or WOMEN- I said PEOPLE and PERSON...
There was a specific reason for this! I don't believe that only one group of people is affected by the issues I addressed. I also specified KINK community because from what I have observed, this is widespread and not just within the tickling community.

The distinction of gender has been made and addressed by the people who have responded to this thread. I responded to some of those responses, but this isn't a MEN vs. WOMEN post. I have definitely had to block my fair share of females as well. (Many of whom post complaining about the SAME behavior they exhibit!)

ALSO- I never made this post based solely upon ONLINE interactions because the problem is so much deeper than that. I speak to consent; I speak to behaviors that occur in person. I speak to the persistent contact of individuals, some of that contact from website to website and location to location. These issues may occur at events, but it also may be at meet ups, etc. AGAIN... I avoided specificity due to the fact that these behaviors (largely listed under "Would You Kindly") can range from a level of annoyance to dangerous.

It shouldn't be ok for ANYONE to experience this. And I haven't even brought up the racism and discrimination that still occurs even here. Many people in the community STILL feel quite comfortable with generally stating and posting in the rules of groups and in forums that certain groups are not welcome. Some of the stories that have been shared with me (or situations I have witnessed) from our community members who are minorities, non-binary, trans, gay, lesbian, ace, bi... have been just as disturbing. And when they are brought up, I've heard members make jokes, question the reliability of the reporter, and/or avoid the situation all together (even when they are the coordinators, leaders, administrators of said event/ group.)

The sentiment that those affected should just laugh it off, ignore it, chalk it up to being online, focus on the positive, or limit their interactions/ usage of particular parts of the community, etc... Well... is that sentiment the goal or the function of an actual community, of our community?? I hope that this ISN'T the goal, but these behaviors are so frequent that they are starting to feel like the norm!

And No- It isn't an expectation or requirement that the community has formal mentors/ leaders who look out for the newcomers. Or that we guide those who wish to remain a part of the community, but who may be headed in the "wrong direction" (generally). There are several people who I know for a fact DO use their voice and their influence to do just that. (Hell- Even I needed a kick in the ass in the past, and I got it.) Does it always work? No... But there are members who are defenders of the community and defenders of right! They do actively root out those who wish to harm. MORE OF THAT, please! 😍

This isn't a call to men to be defenders of women- I'll go back to the people and persons! Can we all defend each other? Can we stand up for each other? Can we REMOVE those who ignore rules of consent from events and groups? Can we warn each other when a company which is advertised heavily is actively scamming people and taking community members' money? Can we address those whose bigotry is causing harm and division? Can we do more to make these people unwelcome rather than the people who belong here? Should it be ok that a contributing member of the forum to publicly make an exit due to feeling threatened?

I appreciate all of your responses, particularly yours, HallKogan!

I do feel like publicly sharing experiences, even ones that are negative at times, shed light on community issues and the impact they have on not just that person but the ENTIRE group. Some people do not know, and remaining ignorant of the situation just allows those who harm to move with impunity.

In frustration, I asked why, and I received an answer.

I am impressed that although some feel in this day in age that "We are NOT our Brother's Keeper," many of you have and will continue to speak up and stand up to those "bad actors" in virtual spaces, private spaces, and public spaces.

Thank you for listening!

 

[Sunriseticklee]

I did not say suggest that the "responsibility should lie solely on women" to screen out guys who behave badly. That, as you put it, is an "interesting" way of twisting my point around. Instead, I suggest that as a practical matter, that's the choice, given that people are as they are. The rest of my post indicated sympathy for that conundrum and suggested a way of dealing with it. Which you of course are free to reject.

I didn't see your response before I posted.

Thank you for responding; however, I'm sure you'll find any answers you are searching from me either there (generally) or that they aren't truly necessary to address between us both directly.

Take Care!

 

[duderino84]

So I grew to refer to this as "clowning". Like "clowning for attention". A lot of guys tend to get raised to conceal, find out they have whatever sort of feeling (although I'm probably on the more subtle end of the spectrum in that no means no regardless of what end of the conversation you're on) and start putting themselves in asinine situations with the hope someone will find it amusing.

Not really sure how to get people to go away though. Best recommendation, don't light the stove so you can avoid the heat. 😉

 

[ChicagoDavid]

I didn't see your response before I posted.

Thank you for responding; however, I'm sure you'll find any answers you are searching from me either there (generally) or that they aren't truly necessary to address between us both directly.

Take Care!

You too!

 

[HallKogan]

I appreciate all of your responses, particularly yours, HallKogan!

Thank you for listening!

I appreciate that you appreciated it. [emoji41]

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

Being single is better than dealing with the DMs.

I said what I said lol

 

[footfan69]

I empathize with this.

Over the years I’ve had people DM me asking about commissions, and requests for sexualized tickling stories.

While I was initially flattered they chose me, I later had some of my works taken down for this reason. I won’t deny writing something a little spicy on occasion, but anyone who’s read my work knows I lean toward lighthearted romantic tales. People getting kidnapped, tortured, and characters orgasmiming all over the place isn’t my bag.

I also blocked several people on Deviantart for a similar reason, if they weren’t being overly critical (if you seriously come at me over DM because you don’t like a character’s
footwear, then write your own stories) then it was demanding more more more no matter how much I wrote.

Being at a place in my life in the last year when I made it known that I didn’t have the ability to go any further with writing… getting DMs where I’m expected to perform like a dancing monkey didn’t feel good to say the least.

I’ve had a lot of fun here, and I’ve made some good friends, but some people really need to chill out.

Thanks for the perspective, Hal. To me, this is like the old-school “rules” of friendship or dating: Find a common interest, be respectful, enjoy each others’ company, value the other person more than yourself, and let it grow from there. Then the differences don’t matter so much (age, gender, etc.), and you can expand/experiment as your relationship develops. The internet can bypass some of these steps, so selfish boorish behavior takes over, and poor grammar makes it worse. I’ll take genuine interpersonal contact (IRL, or DM) any day.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

To the PEOPLE who grow angry when a person doesn't just gladly disrobe and do everything you could ever dream of them doing just because you showed the basic and weakest level of a LOW EFFORT as you hardly managed to pretend to communicate a molecule of interest... would you kindly just STOP!

SERIOUSLY STOP!

STOP with the posts, threads, the blind emails, the bitter comments, and angry writings complaining about how YOU don't get as much play as you deserve!

So yesterday, I was approached in a chatroom. My DMs were disabled, so the person said he was currently in town and he publicly requested a paid/ unpaid tickle session (Yes, both- He wanted to pay or not pay me LOL). This person had NEVER spoken to me before. I have absolutely no idea who he is, but he thought that just because we were in the same city there would be a chance that I would meet him and automatically play. He never did introduce himself or tell me anything about himself at all.

I told him that I only play with established friends or people who I meet at public events. He stated, "I saw that you posted something in the personals section." I had to literally copy and paste the line in my personal about friendship. He replies, "Worth a try I figured." He even stated that I should just meet with him for dinner anyway just to see if I wanted to play afterwards.

That was your try? That a person would throw all thoughts of safety and caution to the wind? Your hope was that someone would let you touch their body when they don't know who you are in the slightest?

ME: It's also always good to get to know the person a bit before asking for a session. Especially if you have never spoken to the person before.

But should I have to say that?

He then starts to share how he has tickled people without permission/ consent. And that everyone tickles their friends. The room balks at that idea of tickling people without expressed consent- ESPECIALLY people who are not privy to the fact that it is a fetish for you- to which he responds, "I literally don't care!"

Umm... Ummm what, Sir? You don't care about getting consent before you touch someone without permission? And the rest of the conversation flies into a downward spiral as he goes up in flames, begs not to be blocked by the majority of the room, and then leaves the chatroom.

Now here is the issue... HE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE!

I receive these messages from people in my DMs consistently. And whether I answer kindly, not so kindly, or just say nothing at all- the majority of the people who send these messages get rude, ugly, demanding, and downright disrespectful. And this is JUST ME, so I can only assume that there are many others, particularly women, who are addressed the same way.

And I don't get it. I really DO NOT understand how certain people feel like this is the move. I don't get how you feel like you can show up and speak to a person and not do any of the basic social things you should do to engage in proper conversation. And I have to constantly state that I am not a model or a paid SWer, BUT that implies that they can be approached the same way- AND THEY SHOULDN'T. They SHOULD NOT!

This happens so frequently that I'm starting to believe that this is now the accepted culture in the kink community- this lack of real communication and this attitude of entitlement. There was just a thread here where people not only complained about lack of play, but also threatened the one female who called them out on it.

Where the hell does it come from? Takes me MONTHS to shoot my damn shot and gather up whatever is in me to ask if the person would feel comfortable enough with me to meet publicly for a cup of coffee. I don't expect anyone to be like me, but the demands and the immediate anger at the word NO or even WAIT are ridiculous, unnecessary, and self-destructive!

Wherever this behavior has come from, send it BACK! IMMEDIATELY!

Would you kindly STOP... Please!?

If only it was as easy as it was in Bioshock before he found out the ugly truth. LOL

• Would you kindly remember that we are human beings with feelings and emotions and approach us with respect?
• Would you kindly respect our boundaries?
• Would you kindly have a conversation and not assume that because we like the same things, we are down for whatever?
• Would you kindly not assume that because we are craving it, we must be desperate for it?
• Would you kindly not assume that because we are into it, we must your want pictures, and lewd talk, and tickle talk, and role play?
• Would you kindly not conclude that just because you are aroused, we should be?
• Would you kindly acquire explicit and enthusiastic consent each and every single time?

Would you kindly?

PREACH, GIRL!!!

 

[CapturedDoll]

• Would you kindly remember that we are human beings with feelings and emotions and approach us with respect?
• Would you kindly respect our boundaries?
• Would you kindly have a conversation and not assume that because we like the same things, we are down for whatever?
• Would you kindly not assume that because we are craving it, we must be desperate for it?
• Would you kindly not assume that because we are into it, we must your want pictures, and lewd talk, and tickle talk, and role play?
• Would you kindly not conclude that just because you are aroused, we should be?
• Would you kindly acquire explicit and enthusiastic consent each and every single time?

Would you kindly?[/SIZE]

THIS!!!

There are days I have had to take breaks from the Community many times. I get tired usually of being like a constant sex object. Like... I don't mind people enjoying my artistic endeavors and talking about them.Or with me about tickling in general. Even some rp from time to time in my chat room etc. But when they hold up fantasies I have written and expect me to treat people like I have in the stories... and barely introduce themselves but make sure to let me know how turned on they are. Message after message, day after day these are what my messages are like. And not to least mention the constant need to ask me what is my next project. Written on a thread where I already posted something new. No word about that! Just "whats next. Rude. Very rude.

I mean for instance there's a lot of genital tickling in my stories and feet tickling. So now people are shocked that NO I don't want to tickle peoples genitals. NO I don't want to give foot jobs(which Ive never written about anyway- sames goes for foot worship.) I have a Bf! He doesn't want me doing that stuff and I don't want to. Some fantasies for myself are best to stay fantasies. Yes I want to make tickling videos- but if people are expecting me to tickle dicks around the clock they are going to be in for a shock.

The messages I receive are filled with expectations of how I should be jerking them off. On their schedule. Pictures of feet, dicks. Stories people show me I long ago had to quit reading reading peoples stories they sent. The catylyst for this was a terrible story involving ants. Thankfully I blocked the rest out of my mind. But its to say that people have little concern for whats going on, on OUR side of the computer. I know in my heart a lot of these people are trying to make a connection. But wow are they going about it the wrong way.

When these types of subjects come up I always want to say listen guys: Our space is more than just physical boundaries. Its respecting someone enough to ask them FIRST if they want to see a picture of X and not pushing me to do it after I say no. I don't want my eyes to look at this stuff. Its invading my eye space. Mental space. Talking to me on the phone its not enough for people just to talk to me for awhile- they always usually want me to get them off. And that gets tiring so my ears are being invaded. And then when I have to tell someone off... I hate that I have to do that. So its forcing me to say things that normally would not come out of mouth. Our 5 senses are constantly being invaded and theres no end.

I don't know what the solution is. But these kinds of threads are important to bring light to some topics that don't get discussed very much.