You Know It's Time To Diet When....

[Strelnikov]

· You dance and it makes the band skip (You've gotta be over 30 for this one to make sense!)
· You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
· You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
· You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
· Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
· You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
· You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
· You could sell shade.
· Your blood type is Ragu.
· You need an appointment to attend an “open house”.

Strelnikov

 

[He-Man]

How about when :

People start to call you "Garfield" for a nickname

All-you-can-eat buffet restuarants lock their doors when they see you coming

You're chosen to be the thing the contestants in the "World's Strongest Man" contest have to pull across a line, instead of a bus

You get a two bed room in a hospital because you can't fit on just ONE bed.

Police ask you to wear a "Caution: Wide Load" sign on your butt

Your doctor calls for a forklift to help you get on the examination table

Someone tells you the video game character you resemble the most is the X-Men arcade game's The Blob

You have to take baths in an in-ground swimming pool

On a cruise to some place with whales,the whales try to use their mating calls...to attract YOU.

Someone tries to lift you up and you hear the He-Man or Superman theme music playing in the backround

 

[milagros317]

How about when :

All-you-can-eat buffet restuarants lock their doors when they see you coming

I had a friend in graduate school who was in fact barred from eating at two different all-you-can-eat buffets. He wasn't even obese, about 5'10" and 190 pounds. But he could eat without stopping for three or four hours, and two different places told him never to come back after their first encounter.

 

[Moses25]

and even more jibes...

- You sweat in the shower.

- Your left buttcheek has it's own timezone.

- If you went on a diet, a small African country would never go hungry again.

- Your slippers have salt stains on them. (ewwwwwww)

- On a hot day, you can sell "homemade" gravy. (gaaaaaaaa!!)

- Friends rent you out as shade at their pool parties.

- Your high school photo was taken from a helicopter.

Bwahahahahhaha!!

Cheers.😀

 

[Daumantas]

When...

A wristwatch passed by near you slows down due to relativity.

Weather patterns form on your stomach.

You have your own moon.

Your daily commute is marked on almanacs so that solar eclipses can be predicted.

 

[Limeoutsider]

Someone tries to lift you up and you hear the He-Man or Superman theme music playing in the backround

How about Mission Impossible?