I can put this here. Since it's in the blog.
My aunt, (The artist) has a serious personality disorder.
It's called "Psychological Invalidation".
My aunt fixates only on herself and my cousin; (Her son) as if they are the only ones in the world whose feelings matter , and who deserve to be happy, and as if no one else's thoughts, feelings, or happiness matter.
The Psychological Invalidation part is the following behavior on my aunt's part.
"Oh, things will change, nothing stays the same"
"I'm giving you my "opinion", as if her opinion about my life matters to me.
My aunt is constantly brushing off any feelings I have, of sadness, being upset, depression, anger, etc.
If I get upset with her. ((A few weeks ago I flew off the handle at her because I'm sick of her ranting about herself, minimizing my concerns and problems, and burdening me with her problems while sparing my cousin, her son, because she wants "nothing to touch him. "
My aunt started in with the whole.
"How can you do this to me, Mitchell, I'm an "old woman"
It's like, because you're "An old woman" You have no requirements to be human, or act like a human being?
It's difficult for me to get rid of her. My cousin lives 3000 miles away, in CA, and if I do stop communication with her, she really has no one else.
I just completely resent how she burdens me with her problems, and then brushes me off.
She will also turn around anything I say to her, and put it on me, that such is how I'm acting , instead of accepting how she is acting which is upsetting me, making me angry.
When I first moved to NY, I think I viewed her as a bit of a "Mother figure" so to speak, with my mom gone, and because of my issues with my relationship with my father, and situation with his wife.
Such was a huge mistake on my part.
I'm a very good listener, and a very sympathetic person.
While I complain at times, I understand that other people have their own problems, and will never brush off or minimize their concerns or problems.
Further, if someone is upset by a behavior I do, I take their feelings into account, and try to change a behavior if it is bothering someone.
My aunt will never do this.
I've told her that she has to be considerate with the constant judgmental comments about how I live my life, and brushing off my concerns. I told her that if she expects me to be concerned about her, she has to give me the same courtesy and understanding that she wants, and expects from me.
What I tell her goes in one ear, out the other, and she behaves the same way .
I've vowed that what I'm going to do is to not pay any attention to her comments.
A friend's mother said to me recently.
"Mitchell, just don't pay attention to it, comments from the peanut gallery, so to speak".
As I said, it does not matter how old she is, she has requirements to act human, take my feelings into account, and not think only she and my cousin matter.
She has not/
I honestly don't know how my dear departed mother put up with my aunt for decades.
Of course, my mom was human, and had shortcomings.
I know for a fact that my aunt's problems and concerns always touched my mom, far more than my mom's and my problems and concerns ever touched my aunt.
I think that my aunt has definitely worsened over the years.
I know that at 78 years old, my aunt is not going to change.
It strikes me as funny when she lashed out at me for me accusing her of being "Holier than now"
Such is exactly how she acts. .
My aunt, (The artist) has a serious personality disorder.
It's called "Psychological Invalidation".
My aunt fixates only on herself and my cousin; (Her son) as if they are the only ones in the world whose feelings matter , and who deserve to be happy, and as if no one else's thoughts, feelings, or happiness matter.
The Psychological Invalidation part is the following behavior on my aunt's part.
"Oh, things will change, nothing stays the same"
"I'm giving you my "opinion", as if her opinion about my life matters to me.
My aunt is constantly brushing off any feelings I have, of sadness, being upset, depression, anger, etc.
If I get upset with her. ((A few weeks ago I flew off the handle at her because I'm sick of her ranting about herself, minimizing my concerns and problems, and burdening me with her problems while sparing my cousin, her son, because she wants "nothing to touch him. "
My aunt started in with the whole.
"How can you do this to me, Mitchell, I'm an "old woman"
It's like, because you're "An old woman" You have no requirements to be human, or act like a human being?
It's difficult for me to get rid of her. My cousin lives 3000 miles away, in CA, and if I do stop communication with her, she really has no one else.
I just completely resent how she burdens me with her problems, and then brushes me off.
She will also turn around anything I say to her, and put it on me, that such is how I'm acting , instead of accepting how she is acting which is upsetting me, making me angry.
When I first moved to NY, I think I viewed her as a bit of a "Mother figure" so to speak, with my mom gone, and because of my issues with my relationship with my father, and situation with his wife.
Such was a huge mistake on my part.
I'm a very good listener, and a very sympathetic person.
While I complain at times, I understand that other people have their own problems, and will never brush off or minimize their concerns or problems.
Further, if someone is upset by a behavior I do, I take their feelings into account, and try to change a behavior if it is bothering someone.
My aunt will never do this.
I've told her that she has to be considerate with the constant judgmental comments about how I live my life, and brushing off my concerns. I told her that if she expects me to be concerned about her, she has to give me the same courtesy and understanding that she wants, and expects from me.
What I tell her goes in one ear, out the other, and she behaves the same way .
I've vowed that what I'm going to do is to not pay any attention to her comments.
A friend's mother said to me recently.
"Mitchell, just don't pay attention to it, comments from the peanut gallery, so to speak".
As I said, it does not matter how old she is, she has requirements to act human, take my feelings into account, and not think only she and my cousin matter.
She has not/
I honestly don't know how my dear departed mother put up with my aunt for decades.
Of course, my mom was human, and had shortcomings.
I know for a fact that my aunt's problems and concerns always touched my mom, far more than my mom's and my problems and concerns ever touched my aunt.
I think that my aunt has definitely worsened over the years.
I know that at 78 years old, my aunt is not going to change.
It strikes me as funny when she lashed out at me for me accusing her of being "Holier than now"
Such is exactly how she acts. .
