Hopefully, God willing, my mom will take treatment, and live far beyond the two year median that the Dr told us this past Monday. I keep trying to get her to call that Asian Dr, and she says she will, this coming Monday, supposedly, but, as I've posted before, my mom is a procrastinator. I will have to be after her to do it. Today she said: "Dont talk to me about Dr Chen, if his method of zapping cancer is so great, why dont other Drs have it?" Mom, I dont have an answer to your question, but, try, try anything, no matter how outrageous you think it is, to stay alive as long as possible.
Now to my original point: Another reason this hits me so hard, is because the person I love the most in the world, the person who is the seeds of who I am as a human being, has a life threatening illness. My ideas, values, character, outlook on life, political views, etc, are all ingrained in me by my mom. As many on the forum know, my father and I were estranged for 16 years, and his belief is that children should "Unconditionally kiss the crown of parents, no matter how the parents behave", and that I "owe him my feelings, rights, etc, because he brought me into this world, and paid for some things for me" I feel like, essentially, part of me is seriously ill, and it goes far beyond the love a child feels for a sick parent. I sit here thinking: "This cancer is eating you away, slowly, and I want to help you. I would do anything to help you, and I'm helpless, powerless, to make you better".
Essentially, while I talk to my father, my mom is, and always has been, my only parent. My father was largely absent, even when we lived together the first 20 years of my life. He'd come home late, toss some money at me, and also hand a whole lot of abuse. He writes me e-mails, and tells me I can "contact him anytime". I wont be. He's full of shit. He can't wait for my mom to die. That's how he is: He cant say "I had my anger at Sheila during the divorce, but I have to be civil now, for Mitch's sake, and get over it". All he knows is whose ass he wants me to kiss, people who have fucked me over, and couldn't give a damn if I was dead or alive, like his wife, his brother, and his friends.
I know I cant obsess over this every day, but these are my feelings. I have to be strong for mom. If God Forbid something happens to her, my father is not the one to lean on. I will have to lean on my aunt, my friends, my forum friends, and maybe a counselour, to get me through. It's pretty awful when you're a man's only child, at any age, and the person you love most in the world has what my mom has, and your other parent, is just sitting back, loving every minute of it, waiting for it to happen, so it can advantage himself.
Mitch
Now to my original point: Another reason this hits me so hard, is because the person I love the most in the world, the person who is the seeds of who I am as a human being, has a life threatening illness. My ideas, values, character, outlook on life, political views, etc, are all ingrained in me by my mom. As many on the forum know, my father and I were estranged for 16 years, and his belief is that children should "Unconditionally kiss the crown of parents, no matter how the parents behave", and that I "owe him my feelings, rights, etc, because he brought me into this world, and paid for some things for me" I feel like, essentially, part of me is seriously ill, and it goes far beyond the love a child feels for a sick parent. I sit here thinking: "This cancer is eating you away, slowly, and I want to help you. I would do anything to help you, and I'm helpless, powerless, to make you better".
Essentially, while I talk to my father, my mom is, and always has been, my only parent. My father was largely absent, even when we lived together the first 20 years of my life. He'd come home late, toss some money at me, and also hand a whole lot of abuse. He writes me e-mails, and tells me I can "contact him anytime". I wont be. He's full of shit. He can't wait for my mom to die. That's how he is: He cant say "I had my anger at Sheila during the divorce, but I have to be civil now, for Mitch's sake, and get over it". All he knows is whose ass he wants me to kiss, people who have fucked me over, and couldn't give a damn if I was dead or alive, like his wife, his brother, and his friends.
I know I cant obsess over this every day, but these are my feelings. I have to be strong for mom. If God Forbid something happens to her, my father is not the one to lean on. I will have to lean on my aunt, my friends, my forum friends, and maybe a counselour, to get me through. It's pretty awful when you're a man's only child, at any age, and the person you love most in the world has what my mom has, and your other parent, is just sitting back, loving every minute of it, waiting for it to happen, so it can advantage himself.
Mitch
