It seems as though things are sinking lower.
After my father announced about his
"screaming match" with whatever business associate he was into it with, when he and I spoke on Friday afternoon, I decided I would attempt to reach out to him for the purpose of providing support, in spite of how lousy he treats me.
I called his apartment on Saturday morning: No answer. I sent an e-mail shortly afterward: No answer. All day and night Saturday.. and all day yesterday.
Instead of flying off the handle that he ignored two contacts from me... I decided to go the calm route, and say nothing.. for almost two days.
Last night.. more than,.. 36 hours later, I sent another email. The email merely said "Dad, are you okay? This is the third time I'm contacting you since Saturday morning?"
Finally, he wrote me and said "I'm okay, and I will call you in the morning". and then "Can we have dinner tomorrow night". (Meaning tonight) I said yes.
To put this into perspective: I was.. being ignored until the third contact in two days, from someone, who talks to me like a child, if I don't answer the phone the minute he calls, the first time.
I don't expect tonight to be a very pleasant dinner/meeting. I'll admit I sent him a very sharp email before he left for Europe. My e-mail basically said.. my mother died, you are off alimony.. your family, including your brother, and your cousins have treated me like shit this whole year., You won the war.. both financially, and with having me in the position to have your family let out their abuse to me. You attack my dead mother, who cant hurt you anymore, yet you kiss your brother's ass, who fucked me over my whole life, and was vicious this year. What do YOU have to complain about?
Part of me wonders if I should have stayed in Lancaster, moved into another apartment, and taken a roommate in. I don't have that option here, because my place is too small.
The only good things.. for the time being... Barney and I seem to be getting along for the moment. Adam told me that even though his mother threw it in my face about the letter I sent him ending our friendship more than 23 years ago, hes forgotten about it, and focusing on how things are with us today.
My aunt the artist is constantly blaming my mom and me for focusing on the past. In her opinion, once an incident is over, its over. This is what I've tried to do with my father, in spite of how horrible he is. What she doesn't realize is, that I'm dealing with someone.. who is operating with me on grudges for my whole life.
The only way this will get better, is if I do the business I want, and make enough money to be completely free of him. No "minimum wage job", as someone suggested will fix this.
The way he behaves, I'd love to make enough money, pay him off whatever he's laid out for me, and either be largely, or formally estranged from him. I don't see this ever getting better. My mom always told me that things were better for me when he was out of my life, both academically, and from my health perspective both emotionally, and physically.
I've been Mister Conciliatory to my father and his family, only to be treated like dirt by all of them, at the worst time of my life.
Now we see what happens at tonight's dinner meeting. I';ve seen him a total of.. 2 hours.. One hr on Father's Day, and one other hour a few days after that.. in.. I cant remember how long. I stand by my assertion that good things wont be happening tonight.
After my father announced about his
"screaming match" with whatever business associate he was into it with, when he and I spoke on Friday afternoon, I decided I would attempt to reach out to him for the purpose of providing support, in spite of how lousy he treats me.
I called his apartment on Saturday morning: No answer. I sent an e-mail shortly afterward: No answer. All day and night Saturday.. and all day yesterday.
Instead of flying off the handle that he ignored two contacts from me... I decided to go the calm route, and say nothing.. for almost two days.
Last night.. more than,.. 36 hours later, I sent another email. The email merely said "Dad, are you okay? This is the third time I'm contacting you since Saturday morning?"
Finally, he wrote me and said "I'm okay, and I will call you in the morning". and then "Can we have dinner tomorrow night". (Meaning tonight) I said yes.
To put this into perspective: I was.. being ignored until the third contact in two days, from someone, who talks to me like a child, if I don't answer the phone the minute he calls, the first time.
I don't expect tonight to be a very pleasant dinner/meeting. I'll admit I sent him a very sharp email before he left for Europe. My e-mail basically said.. my mother died, you are off alimony.. your family, including your brother, and your cousins have treated me like shit this whole year., You won the war.. both financially, and with having me in the position to have your family let out their abuse to me. You attack my dead mother, who cant hurt you anymore, yet you kiss your brother's ass, who fucked me over my whole life, and was vicious this year. What do YOU have to complain about?
Part of me wonders if I should have stayed in Lancaster, moved into another apartment, and taken a roommate in. I don't have that option here, because my place is too small.
The only good things.. for the time being... Barney and I seem to be getting along for the moment. Adam told me that even though his mother threw it in my face about the letter I sent him ending our friendship more than 23 years ago, hes forgotten about it, and focusing on how things are with us today.
My aunt the artist is constantly blaming my mom and me for focusing on the past. In her opinion, once an incident is over, its over. This is what I've tried to do with my father, in spite of how horrible he is. What she doesn't realize is, that I'm dealing with someone.. who is operating with me on grudges for my whole life.
The only way this will get better, is if I do the business I want, and make enough money to be completely free of him. No "minimum wage job", as someone suggested will fix this.
The way he behaves, I'd love to make enough money, pay him off whatever he's laid out for me, and either be largely, or formally estranged from him. I don't see this ever getting better. My mom always told me that things were better for me when he was out of my life, both academically, and from my health perspective both emotionally, and physically.
I've been Mister Conciliatory to my father and his family, only to be treated like dirt by all of them, at the worst time of my life.
Now we see what happens at tonight's dinner meeting. I';ve seen him a total of.. 2 hours.. One hr on Father's Day, and one other hour a few days after that.. in.. I cant remember how long. I stand by my assertion that good things wont be happening tonight.
