My husband turns 39 this Saturday (!), meaning it's been 19 yrs since we met. That's a lot of birthdays together. This fact reminded me of a b-day fiasco about 8 yrs ago, which he counts as future evidence for the day he finally kills me:
At the time he was still working as Quality Control Dude at a small beverage plant. I wanted to do something a little special for his birthday. He went to bed between 9pm and 10pm back then so he could be up at 4:30am, and I tended to run errands at the local 24 hour mega-stores after he'd gone to sleep. For his birthday I decided to buy him one of those big huge Hungry Man breakfasts, and I put it in the freezer before I went to bed and taped a note to the freezer door, in crayon because I couldn't find a pen. I should also mention I had just had our Rosie a month before and my pregnancy-induced Carpal Tunnel had messed up my handwriting even worse than usual...I then proceeded to pop a movie in, and fell asleep on the sofa.
The next morning the birthday boy wakes up and his wife's not in bed. Or in the bathroom or the kids' room. Very odd for 4:30am. He stumbles downstairs in early morning fog, and goes right by the lump of blanket on the sofa which he could barely see anyways. And on the freezer door he sees
LOOK IN THE FREEZER
scribbled really badly in red crayon. At 4 in the morning when he can't find his wife.
Now this is a grown man, but a grown man who's seen a LOT of bad horror movies. Apparently the image of some axe murderer having chopped off his wife's head and stuck it in there did cross his tired mind (or haven't you seen Se7en)...
So he puts his hand on the freezer door to open it...right when I woke up, sleepily walked up behind him all barefoot and quiet, and hugged him from behind.
If you were within a mile of our townhouse this is what you heard:
"Happy birthd-"
"SHIT FUCK SHIT AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have never seen a grown man freak like that. Including people with epilepsy. He didn't speak a WORD to me for the rest of that morning, just ate his pancakes and sausage and glared at me. He was fine by the time he got home that evening but it STILL comes up as proof that I'm trying to give him a heart attack and make it look like an accident...
At the time he was still working as Quality Control Dude at a small beverage plant. I wanted to do something a little special for his birthday. He went to bed between 9pm and 10pm back then so he could be up at 4:30am, and I tended to run errands at the local 24 hour mega-stores after he'd gone to sleep. For his birthday I decided to buy him one of those big huge Hungry Man breakfasts, and I put it in the freezer before I went to bed and taped a note to the freezer door, in crayon because I couldn't find a pen. I should also mention I had just had our Rosie a month before and my pregnancy-induced Carpal Tunnel had messed up my handwriting even worse than usual...I then proceeded to pop a movie in, and fell asleep on the sofa.
The next morning the birthday boy wakes up and his wife's not in bed. Or in the bathroom or the kids' room. Very odd for 4:30am. He stumbles downstairs in early morning fog, and goes right by the lump of blanket on the sofa which he could barely see anyways. And on the freezer door he sees
LOOK IN THE FREEZER
scribbled really badly in red crayon. At 4 in the morning when he can't find his wife.
Now this is a grown man, but a grown man who's seen a LOT of bad horror movies. Apparently the image of some axe murderer having chopped off his wife's head and stuck it in there did cross his tired mind (or haven't you seen Se7en)...
So he puts his hand on the freezer door to open it...right when I woke up, sleepily walked up behind him all barefoot and quiet, and hugged him from behind.
If you were within a mile of our townhouse this is what you heard:
"Happy birthd-"
"SHIT FUCK SHIT AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have never seen a grown man freak like that. Including people with epilepsy. He didn't speak a WORD to me for the rest of that morning, just ate his pancakes and sausage and glared at me. He was fine by the time he got home that evening but it STILL comes up as proof that I'm trying to give him a heart attack and make it look like an accident...
