So about two years ago, I embarked on an unexpected journey where I discovered that I'm aromantic asexual. For some reason, I started to learn more about asexuality and as I did so, I discovered aromanticism.
At first, I couldn't find much, but what I did find, resonated with me. I started to view my past relationship and my dating life (or rather, lack thereof) in a different light. I'm a sucker for romance and romantic love, but a lot of it never really made sense for me. When I dated my ex, I felt like I had to follow these "unwritten" rules about how a relationship is supposed to be. At the time, I chalked it up to being in a relationship for the first time. But looking back, I'm seeing it differently. Especially since I wasn't devastated by the ending of the relationship. I was hurt because I thought he cheated but that had more to do with betrayal than being heartbroken.
I found that it was easier to accept that I was aromantic than it was that I'm asexual. The fact that I've had and enjoyed sex stymied my acceptance. It seemed like every site I visited equated asexuality with not having sex. Even though everything about it made sense to me, other people's experiences clicked with me, I thought I couldn't be because, hey, I like sex.
Then I started to find sites that emphasized what asexuality is... a lack of sexual attraction to anyone. Your actions don't dictate your attractions. Otherwise, women who were married to men only to come out of the closet years later as lesbians would be bisexuals when really they're lesbians. Or men who are coerced into sex in prison are gay. It just doesn't work that way.
I always assumed that I was straight. Girls were friends and guys were potential dating partners. I just assumed that I'd date a guy, marry, and start a family. (That's a whole different story since I've chosen to be childfree.) It took me a while, but I've learned that I'm not. And it's helped me feel a little less fucked up (and as I've found out recently, I'm pretty fucked up but that's also another story).
At first, I couldn't find much, but what I did find, resonated with me. I started to view my past relationship and my dating life (or rather, lack thereof) in a different light. I'm a sucker for romance and romantic love, but a lot of it never really made sense for me. When I dated my ex, I felt like I had to follow these "unwritten" rules about how a relationship is supposed to be. At the time, I chalked it up to being in a relationship for the first time. But looking back, I'm seeing it differently. Especially since I wasn't devastated by the ending of the relationship. I was hurt because I thought he cheated but that had more to do with betrayal than being heartbroken.
I found that it was easier to accept that I was aromantic than it was that I'm asexual. The fact that I've had and enjoyed sex stymied my acceptance. It seemed like every site I visited equated asexuality with not having sex. Even though everything about it made sense to me, other people's experiences clicked with me, I thought I couldn't be because, hey, I like sex.
Then I started to find sites that emphasized what asexuality is... a lack of sexual attraction to anyone. Your actions don't dictate your attractions. Otherwise, women who were married to men only to come out of the closet years later as lesbians would be bisexuals when really they're lesbians. Or men who are coerced into sex in prison are gay. It just doesn't work that way.
I always assumed that I was straight. Girls were friends and guys were potential dating partners. I just assumed that I'd date a guy, marry, and start a family. (That's a whole different story since I've chosen to be childfree.) It took me a while, but I've learned that I'm not. And it's helped me feel a little less fucked up (and as I've found out recently, I'm pretty fucked up but that's also another story).
It's already...