So, this entry is going to somewhat more serious than many of the others I've posted.
Not really sure what I'm intending to post, just that I need to vent a bit.
Anyway.
The job hunt has been ongoing for... some time now. I've been, since the start of it, basically along the "I'll take almost anything" route.
Except, well, this doesn't seem to be working.
Found nothing.
Oh, I've filled out applications all over the place. I've handed CVs out. Went to a jobsfair a couple or three days back.
No feedback or anything.
I know these things take time, I know I'm likely going to end up at several interviews before I find anything I can actually go for, but... gah. I don't know. I suppose I kind of hoped I'd have found something now.
It's not just the lack of job though. I have literally nothing I can do at the moment.
Nothing.
Nothing useful. Nothing entertaining. I have literally no money that I can spare. Just the essential - haircut needed next week or the week after, spare trousers needed.
And, well... loss of human contact is really, really not good.
Most of the people I know have gone to uni.
There's three (around my own age) who haven't.
Out of them: One is insanely hard to get into contact with.
Another is tricky to get into contact with. Facebook is the main way to do so. Half the time the IM client on there works, the rest it doesn't. Messages work, if only briefly. She's pretty much always busy with various things - namely, her job, which is pretty unpredictable.
The other is not as hard to get into contact with, but.. yeah. Kind of hard to meet up with sometimes.
There's a few other people around here I know etc etc. But most of them, including the three above, are currently in semifulltime or fulltime education. Makes things a bit trickier when you have coursework to factor in.
And I know, if you're actually reading this, what's going through your mind is "get out there and meet people then."
Which brings me back to the no money thing.
I can't get out there.
The city is four miles off.
I can walk it happily, sometimes. If I'm in the mood.
Rest of the time it's the bus - and, I kid you not, it's a four quid return ticket. For those living in America, that's about $6.50.
It has, in fact, doubled in price since last year.
This economy is killing me... lack of job leading to lack of money leading to difficulty meeting new people.
Plus... I might not come across this way on here, but I actually have serious issues talking to new people in person. I'm not one of those people who can just go up and say hi and be "in" with a group. I can't actually remember how I came to be friends with the people I am now... I didn't change my group a lot for the entire time I was in 6th form. I hung around with some other people, yeah, but the problem with being in a uni-based 6th form is that almost everyone ends up in uni at the end.
So to sum last paragraph up: Fucking fail, Phil be shit at making friends.
You know, I have absolutely no idea why I'm writing here. I suppose I just need to talk to someone. Anyone. But I've been talking to people via MSN, close friends I've known for years, and it hasn't helped. Why do I naturally assume that unloading onto maybe seven people who are, to be honest, mostly total strangers will help?
Gods, I don't know. Humans are social creatures, we need interaction. We can't keep going without it.
Look at me now. I'm losing my grip on things at the moment through lack of contact with people.
Thinking about it, the fact that a good amount of my close friends live from down near Stoke on Trent in the Midlands to up at St Andrews in Scotland probably doesn't help.
I keep telling myself. Just hold out for this year, you'll be out of all of this BS next year. Uni. Considering Wolverhampton.
It's that year in the way that is the problem.
Dammit.
I feel like I'm talking in circles.
But that's just the way things seem to be at the moment.
Half of these problems would be sorted out if Jobseekers would finally start working. But that's not hugely likely. Having to sort out a crapload of problems - for some reason they think I'm in fulltime education, which I'm really not - before I start getting anything. Not that I'd ever want to live off benefits. I want a job, an actual purpose.
Currently carving out a basic existence.
The word "existence" was chosen very deliberately there.
See, there's a difference between life and existence.
Life is when you have a purpose, goals. When you can actively move forwards and get on with things. When you aren't essentially being forced to ostracise yourself from society because you can't find work anywhere or some shit.
An existence is the opposite. Nothing's changing. I'm getting less and less confident that I'll find some work.
Slowly losing touch with myself.
And out of interest, I've just checked how long this is in terms of A4 pages. Just over three.
I'm going to cut myself short now before I write too much else.
Thanks for reading this, if anyone got this far.
Later.
Not really sure what I'm intending to post, just that I need to vent a bit.
Anyway.
The job hunt has been ongoing for... some time now. I've been, since the start of it, basically along the "I'll take almost anything" route.
Except, well, this doesn't seem to be working.
Found nothing.
Oh, I've filled out applications all over the place. I've handed CVs out. Went to a jobsfair a couple or three days back.
No feedback or anything.
I know these things take time, I know I'm likely going to end up at several interviews before I find anything I can actually go for, but... gah. I don't know. I suppose I kind of hoped I'd have found something now.
It's not just the lack of job though. I have literally nothing I can do at the moment.
Nothing.
Nothing useful. Nothing entertaining. I have literally no money that I can spare. Just the essential - haircut needed next week or the week after, spare trousers needed.
And, well... loss of human contact is really, really not good.
Most of the people I know have gone to uni.
There's three (around my own age) who haven't.
Out of them: One is insanely hard to get into contact with.
Another is tricky to get into contact with. Facebook is the main way to do so. Half the time the IM client on there works, the rest it doesn't. Messages work, if only briefly. She's pretty much always busy with various things - namely, her job, which is pretty unpredictable.
The other is not as hard to get into contact with, but.. yeah. Kind of hard to meet up with sometimes.
There's a few other people around here I know etc etc. But most of them, including the three above, are currently in semifulltime or fulltime education. Makes things a bit trickier when you have coursework to factor in.
And I know, if you're actually reading this, what's going through your mind is "get out there and meet people then."
Which brings me back to the no money thing.
I can't get out there.
The city is four miles off.
I can walk it happily, sometimes. If I'm in the mood.
Rest of the time it's the bus - and, I kid you not, it's a four quid return ticket. For those living in America, that's about $6.50.
It has, in fact, doubled in price since last year.
This economy is killing me... lack of job leading to lack of money leading to difficulty meeting new people.
Plus... I might not come across this way on here, but I actually have serious issues talking to new people in person. I'm not one of those people who can just go up and say hi and be "in" with a group. I can't actually remember how I came to be friends with the people I am now... I didn't change my group a lot for the entire time I was in 6th form. I hung around with some other people, yeah, but the problem with being in a uni-based 6th form is that almost everyone ends up in uni at the end.
So to sum last paragraph up: Fucking fail, Phil be shit at making friends.
You know, I have absolutely no idea why I'm writing here. I suppose I just need to talk to someone. Anyone. But I've been talking to people via MSN, close friends I've known for years, and it hasn't helped. Why do I naturally assume that unloading onto maybe seven people who are, to be honest, mostly total strangers will help?
Gods, I don't know. Humans are social creatures, we need interaction. We can't keep going without it.
Look at me now. I'm losing my grip on things at the moment through lack of contact with people.
Thinking about it, the fact that a good amount of my close friends live from down near Stoke on Trent in the Midlands to up at St Andrews in Scotland probably doesn't help.
I keep telling myself. Just hold out for this year, you'll be out of all of this BS next year. Uni. Considering Wolverhampton.
It's that year in the way that is the problem.
Dammit.
I feel like I'm talking in circles.
But that's just the way things seem to be at the moment.
Half of these problems would be sorted out if Jobseekers would finally start working. But that's not hugely likely. Having to sort out a crapload of problems - for some reason they think I'm in fulltime education, which I'm really not - before I start getting anything. Not that I'd ever want to live off benefits. I want a job, an actual purpose.
Currently carving out a basic existence.
The word "existence" was chosen very deliberately there.
See, there's a difference between life and existence.
Life is when you have a purpose, goals. When you can actively move forwards and get on with things. When you aren't essentially being forced to ostracise yourself from society because you can't find work anywhere or some shit.
An existence is the opposite. Nothing's changing. I'm getting less and less confident that I'll find some work.
Slowly losing touch with myself.
And out of interest, I've just checked how long this is in terms of A4 pages. Just over three.
I'm going to cut myself short now before I write too much else.
Thanks for reading this, if anyone got this far.
Later.
