Heartbroken

I have no words to console you but I hope your miseries pass away soon. I hope you heal in ways you never knew was possible and are able to jump back to life. Take love and wishes ❤️

I’m so sorry to hear that, but I know that it’s difficult to think any differently given the tragedies that have transpired. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort surrounded by those you love.

I feel for you. Nothing hurts more than the punches life throws at us. And as time goes on we take those blows that we never expected. We all have or will experience those losses eventually. They drop you to your knees and take your breath away.
I understand your pain. I have felt that pain.
That loss! And although you never recover fully, you will be able to move forward. There are many good people in this forum you can reach out to. To vent to. Those who be are willing to lend you an ear to listen and console.
Hit me up anytime my friend. You find me in the chatroom most nights and direct message me there or just send me a private message. Hang in there. Reach out ok. Hugs!

What will your love ones, "Say to you"? If they see you like this? Live for them, and yourself. Use the loving thoughts and memory if them to go on. If I still think of them fondly, then you still have they. Share the memories of them with others. This may help you. Stay up, Stay strong

It’s heartbreaking and you’re right, things will never be the same and you’ll never have the comfort level that you’ve known to this point in your life. As time passes, it doesn’t get better, it just gets different. The first year or year and a half will be the hardest. Thanksgiving and Christmas will likely tear your heart out.

However, accept the generosities of people who reach out. Accept that someone else can pick up the grocery order instead of forcing yourself out of the house when you don’t want to. When you can’t stand to be in the house, call and ask somebody to meet you for coffee, lunch, a walk through the park. You’ll get a lot more “yes” than “no”.

You’ll also cry as well, at times you don’t expect it and times you do. It’s ok. Not crying is worse. It’s going to be one day at a time, one night at a time for a while. You can’t speed up the process. Seek external help if you need to. The burden alone can be overwhelming at times.

Death is always difficult, no questions there.

Of course one needs to heal, and come to a new balance in a changed life. That will take time, and different amounts for everyone. Help may or may not be required. But seek it if needed.

But I will say that allowing parts of ones own life to die along side those that are gone in the LONG term is tragic. As important as anyone is to one, we still need to live our own lives and continue to write our own stories with us as the main character. Those we love are immensely important and influential on that tale. But I also feel they wouldn't wish one to stop over their own ends. In many ways you hold those that are gone in your memories of them, and as you live and move forward again, you keep them alive in the world in a way by being a living example of something they helped to be.

Take care, and my best thoughts.
Myriads

Dear Sunrise,
I have been on the TMF board for quite a while. I have had the life experiences of going thru the death of my mother back in 2008 and eventually my father in 2015, and unfortunately, the passing of my wife of 44 years just in March 2024.
Every death of a loved one is significant, of course. But yes the bonds with a mother are always different, a bit deeper I suppose because she formed and carried you. I do know from my background in life as well as a career in nurse anesthesia that there are many pitfalls to avoid and misconceptions.
There is no standard or 'right way' to grieve..Everyone is different. Many times if hospice was involved the survivors will be offered free bereavement counseling...I would suggest exploring it as you can always stop if and when yu feel its not advantageous anymore.
But here are a couple things. If yu did or even if yu didn't call your mom frequently before their death, you may find yourself thinking that more often..and then catching yourself saying "what was I thinking, I can't call mom today..." that is NOT abnormal
also the grief you experience will come in waves and ebbs and flows....I find with my wife's recent passing that when I am engaging with our daughters (2) and our 6 grandkids, that I will suddenly have some 'triggering' moment that makes me aware of what my wife is 'missing' bec of how connected she was with grandkids and family. I am NOT saying those are bad tears...they are the price of loving someone and a life together (same for a mom as well as a spouse)!
But when grief is 'uneven' , some people think what is wrong with me and why can't I move on....? well, we do move on, but everyone in our own unique way!
Too many times we as the survivors get wrapped up in how others are perceiving us and how we are 'supposed' to act. Just another pitfall to avoid.

I dont want to keep on and on, you are intelligent enough to get the meaning of my words and I sincerely hope they help or give you a helpful perspective on this intense event of 'death of a loved one' that most of us will have to endure someday.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Hopefully these words help, but if you ever need to chat more or more privately that is fine as well.
Sincerely
Aberdeen (Daryl)

I appreciate your comments, all of you. To clarify, I lost my best friend of over 20 years and then the next day, my mother passed away. So, to lose the 2 people in my life who I was so deeply connected to... I am struggling.

My best friend, a person whom I consider my brother, we met because of our shared love for tickling, but we shared so much of our real lives together that when play ended, everything else continued. Years and years of laughter, tears, prayers, music, family celebrations, visits cross country, the beginning and ending of my marriage, major health events, life's victories... Everything

He's met most of my family, knew even the extended family.... And he knew everything there was to ever know about me. He was there for me during all the struggles of my adult life.

I was with my family when I heard he was in the hospital for what we all knew was the last time. I returned to TN to grieve and prepare to say goodbye. When he passed, my mother called me on the phone to encourage me. We spoke about God, death, the afterlife, her mother, her being ready should her time come. I told her I loved her, and then....

So when I say that I just find it nearly impossible to open up again for something new, I'm talking about within the community and mainly new friendships and relationships. I'm working and living and doing all the things... (Coaching, singing, playing sports/ exercising... Went to an event) I just can't find the joy in my life right now. There's just emptiness and pain. I'm not ok.

I'm hoping I will be, one day.

Even though you feel the emptiness and pain, you are strong and are not 'shutting down'! You are keeping on with the things that make you who you are (the activities and such). That's is a much better response than many people have. And your conversations with your mother are to be cherished and used (eventually if not right now) as a bank of good memories to help keep you strong when you think you are not! With your attitude and demeanor you will someday feel okay again! The one thing that helps heal such a loss really is time... Although it is not an instantaneous solution, time and understanding will help you. I'll just say also that your conversation with your mother was such a heartening one, full of support for you as you were going to endure another shock to your entire world and psyche. I know of people who have deaths of loved ones and would give anything to have that type of let conversation with their loved one! So in that regard, even though hurting now...I think we need to rejoice when we have such a relationship with a parent that a conversation like that takes place. That is a true blessing.
Prayer to you and yours for comfort and peace.
Daryl

Sorry to hear of the loss of a cherished friend and of course your mother. Life can be decidedly unfair. Lost my mother a couple of days before Christmas last year, not really interested In the holidays this year. My younger brother died in a MC crash way back in ‘98, I’d like to say it gets easier, but that’s a lie.