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For Those Searching

In my search through various bdsm personals, I see a lot of people like me, people putting themselves out there to connect with someone and explore their role(s) on the D/s spectrum. I see some people who are confused, and others that are discouraged because a connection fizzed out. Mostly young people, but some my age and older as well.

If you are reading this, maybe you are one of those people and this message is for you! Continue the search, continue to put yourself out there. You’re bound to run into some roadblocks and get hurt, but it is so worth it if you discover things about yourself and make memories that last for a lifetime.

Do not compromise though! In your vulnerability searching, do not let anyone treat you less than the complex person you are. Any potential partner should be willing to take the time to connect with you on a mental and emotional level before engaging in any kinky chat or play.

And do not settle! If you find someone you are truly happy with, that’s fantastic! Be open and honest with them, and faithful to them (if it is a monogamous relationship.) At the same time, do not settle for less than you deserve, which is true happiness! It is hard to consider continuing the search when we have someone already there in front of us. Especially the more time and effort we have put into that relationship. However, if you are not truly happy, the struggle will be worth it in the end. Things truly worth doing in life are rarely easy!

Anyway… sometimes music can get a message across so much easier than we can. Below is the inspiration for this post, some lyrics from a Foo Fighters song from 2005 called Best of You. Hopefully, it means something to you as it did to me:

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holding you
Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?
Are you gone and on to someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?

Comments

I think a lot of people need to hear this kind of messaging, and while my wife and I carry this mentality ourselves when searching for new sessions and experiences, it can be easy to flirt with the temptation of compromising your values during the longer stretches of the times between. It's a good reminder and reassurance. We just had a very rewarding session over the weekend after a long, patient search, and it was worth the wait and the effort in every way. So the timing of your article is perfect for helping us reflect on our choices and to feel validated in them. Thank you for taking the time to write this 🙂
 
WickedTouch, I'm glad you got something out of the article! That was the goal in writing it, and also to organize and develop my own thoughts. Thanks for sharing your feedback, and congrats on what sounds like an amazing session!
 
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Blog entry information

Author
CharlieBlade
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2 min read
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50
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2
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