All or most of us have been there. You are talking to someone, and it seems like it's going great! The conversation is flowing, you start to feel a connection, and your barriers lower. Maybe you share more than you would normally. Maybe you get so comfortable you forget that you are talking to someone you just met over the computer. You are open and honest and put yourself out there, and maybe you leave yourself vulnerable. Then suddenly... they're gone. Poof! Unless there is a clear indication that they blocked you, you are left unsure as to what happened. They stop answering and you tell yourself, "Ah, well, maybe they're busy." You forget about it for a few days. Maybe you send a message in the vein of, "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while. Hope everything is ok!" But they're gone. For good, it seems. You may have been talking for a day or two, or weeks even. Longer than that?! Well... maybe this blog entry is for you... or maybe it's for the one who ghosted you...
Ghosting is one of the cruelest things you can do to someone else online. You are effectively cutting someone off completely, leaving them in the dark, alone and wondering why. If they are like me, a thinker, problem solver, and people pleaser, you present a conundrum for them: "What did I do wrong? Where did I err? My intentions were innocent, so what did I say or do that misrepresented myself and caused this person to feel it necessary to ghost me?" When it happens to me, I try to move on, but it's hard. It's like a puzzle unsolved (but maybe there is no solution to it.) I eventually move on, telling myself I am better off not interacting with a person that would do that anyway... but it still hurts.
Perhaps it isn't even something you did. One possible explanation is that that person got what they wanted out of the conversation and wanted to move on without having to explain why. Or perhaps the person you were talking to came out of their shell a bit, let themselves get too close, and dropped barriers a little. When they realized what they had done, it scared them. They ghosted so they could recede back into their shell and protect themselves from being vulnerable.
Ghosting is a poignant weapon, and one that shouldn't be used lightly. If someone does something you find uncomfortable, be honest with them. What is the harm? I understand some might say, "Well, it's just a random person on the internet, I don't owe them anything!" I agree with that, but not completely. Even the lowliest beggar on the street deserves to be treated with basic respect. Behind every screen is a living, breathing human being. Just because it is an online environment, and our actions have no consequences for us, we should not forget the impact that they may have on others. The greatest indicator of a person's moral standing is if they do the right thing when no one is watching and there is neither personal benefit for doing so nor personal consequence for doing wrong.
Now I admit, sometimes it is necessary. As a man, I haven't experienced the majority of what women on here go through. But I've seen some. Like a guy who keeps writing messages to a girl over the course of years (!), complimenting her, offering to buy her things, whining about how lucky her bf is, and so on, and so on... never getting a response back, but continuing on persistently. Super creepy. I would absolutely block that person. But most of the time it isn't so extreme.
Keeping all this in mind, let's try to handle ghosting a little better going forward! Even if you just write a single sentence explaining why you no longer wish to continue talking to a person, it can provide a great deal of closure that allows them to move on with their life much easier. It's up to you how far to go with it. To me, if I can provide that much possible relief and understanding with just a few minutes of chatting back and forth, telling them how I feel and why I was made uncomfortable... well, that's a very low price to pay to give someone some positive criticism to bring forward with them.
And, my friend, if you were ghosted, I relate to you. It hurts, but you have to move on. It's bound to happen on this journey putting ourselves out there and searching for worthwhile connections. Take what information you can learn from it and move forward with your head held high. It's probably for the best that you don't interact further with that person anyway! It's a clear indicator that a connection probably wouldn't have worked out, so they saved you time! And it is a possible red flag, that they are willing to ghost at all.
Lastly, it's important to mention the possibility of extreme circumstances. A person might be having family trouble or some emergency keeping their attention elsewhere. Maybe they are so incredibly busy at this point in their life that they can't spare even a moment to speak to you. Therefore, I encourage you not to burn any bridges. Don't dwell on it but leave open the possibility that they may return at some point. And if you're the one handling some external issue, if possible, consider dropping a quick message to whomever you were talking to letting them know you haven't dropped off the face of the Earth 😛 I think the longer you talk to someone and the closer you get, the more this kind of little "update" is warranted. Ultimately, it's up to you!
I believe that everyone deserves happiness! Let's do better when interacting with each person we come across in our lives! Even from behind a screen 🙂
Ghosting is one of the cruelest things you can do to someone else online. You are effectively cutting someone off completely, leaving them in the dark, alone and wondering why. If they are like me, a thinker, problem solver, and people pleaser, you present a conundrum for them: "What did I do wrong? Where did I err? My intentions were innocent, so what did I say or do that misrepresented myself and caused this person to feel it necessary to ghost me?" When it happens to me, I try to move on, but it's hard. It's like a puzzle unsolved (but maybe there is no solution to it.) I eventually move on, telling myself I am better off not interacting with a person that would do that anyway... but it still hurts.
Perhaps it isn't even something you did. One possible explanation is that that person got what they wanted out of the conversation and wanted to move on without having to explain why. Or perhaps the person you were talking to came out of their shell a bit, let themselves get too close, and dropped barriers a little. When they realized what they had done, it scared them. They ghosted so they could recede back into their shell and protect themselves from being vulnerable.
Ghosting is a poignant weapon, and one that shouldn't be used lightly. If someone does something you find uncomfortable, be honest with them. What is the harm? I understand some might say, "Well, it's just a random person on the internet, I don't owe them anything!" I agree with that, but not completely. Even the lowliest beggar on the street deserves to be treated with basic respect. Behind every screen is a living, breathing human being. Just because it is an online environment, and our actions have no consequences for us, we should not forget the impact that they may have on others. The greatest indicator of a person's moral standing is if they do the right thing when no one is watching and there is neither personal benefit for doing so nor personal consequence for doing wrong.
Now I admit, sometimes it is necessary. As a man, I haven't experienced the majority of what women on here go through. But I've seen some. Like a guy who keeps writing messages to a girl over the course of years (!), complimenting her, offering to buy her things, whining about how lucky her bf is, and so on, and so on... never getting a response back, but continuing on persistently. Super creepy. I would absolutely block that person. But most of the time it isn't so extreme.
Keeping all this in mind, let's try to handle ghosting a little better going forward! Even if you just write a single sentence explaining why you no longer wish to continue talking to a person, it can provide a great deal of closure that allows them to move on with their life much easier. It's up to you how far to go with it. To me, if I can provide that much possible relief and understanding with just a few minutes of chatting back and forth, telling them how I feel and why I was made uncomfortable... well, that's a very low price to pay to give someone some positive criticism to bring forward with them.
And, my friend, if you were ghosted, I relate to you. It hurts, but you have to move on. It's bound to happen on this journey putting ourselves out there and searching for worthwhile connections. Take what information you can learn from it and move forward with your head held high. It's probably for the best that you don't interact further with that person anyway! It's a clear indicator that a connection probably wouldn't have worked out, so they saved you time! And it is a possible red flag, that they are willing to ghost at all.
Lastly, it's important to mention the possibility of extreme circumstances. A person might be having family trouble or some emergency keeping their attention elsewhere. Maybe they are so incredibly busy at this point in their life that they can't spare even a moment to speak to you. Therefore, I encourage you not to burn any bridges. Don't dwell on it but leave open the possibility that they may return at some point. And if you're the one handling some external issue, if possible, consider dropping a quick message to whomever you were talking to letting them know you haven't dropped off the face of the Earth 😛 I think the longer you talk to someone and the closer you get, the more this kind of little "update" is warranted. Ultimately, it's up to you!
I believe that everyone deserves happiness! Let's do better when interacting with each person we come across in our lives! Even from behind a screen 🙂
