It seems that every few years, I wind up in some financial crisis that I end up hating myself for not being better prepared for. I'm hoping to finally change it for good, but who knows?
Things have pretty much sucked for me since my wife lost her job in July. That wasn't supplementary income. That was HALF of our income, as well as our medical coverage. I've been fighting off the bills solo, ever since, and I feel that I'm finally to the point of being overwhelmed and beaten down. I'm behind on everything, and three months behind on my mortgage. I recently got my "letter of intent to accelerate" from the bank. I registered with some state program to try to work something out with my bank. After calling them on the phone, they said my application was in an "evaluation" stage, and there was nothing I needed to do until they contacted me. I wasn't gonna hold my breath. Earlier, I got off the phone with the bank after finding out that I don't fit into that massive 5% category that qualifies for a loan modification. No surprise there. Next, I called the VA for alternatives to foreclosure, and got forwarded to somebody's voice mail. Now, when(if!) they call back tomorrow, or any other time this week, I'll be working and unable to take a call until after business hours (I don't know WHY people always want weekends off at their jobs. How do they get anything done when nothing's open???). Fortunately, I just found out that I can borrow against my 401k a second time (I plan on working until I'm in the grave, anyway.), which will help a little (except that now my paychecks are gonna be even smaller!). Also, I had to stop my son's CDs, which I planned on building up for him in secret until he's a responsible adult (He's only three, though, so I've got plenty of time to reinvest money for him, but when I looked at him afterward, I hated myself just a little bit more.). That should hopefully keep us safely in the house until college starts for me and a basic allowance for housing kicks in (Thank you, Post 9/11 GI Bill!), which will definitely give me breathing room again, as well as a chance to not feel guilty if I buy food that isn't cans of Vienna Sausage.
I just pray that as a full-time employee and full-time student, I'll have the energy to work my typical long hours AND make it to school on time, be attentive in class (meaning not falling asleep!), pass, and still somehow be a decent parent and husband.
Basically, I just wanna reiterate that things have pretty much sucked for about 6 months.
I know there are many who have it worse than I do, which just makes me feel worse about the situation. There's ALWAYS an "at least you have/you're not/you are" to be heard, but I want the headaches, stress, and guilt to go away. I want to look forward to things and not have this shit in the back of my mind at any time that I'm not occupied by work. My finances are my responsibility, but the dark side of me really wants to point a finger and explode (Not that that would accomplish anything, but I have built-up resentment that needs an outlet.). I never wanted to be stretched so thin that something like this would happen, and I hate myself for letting it happen. I knew we were trying to build a fortress on shaky ground with shoddy craftsmanship and cheap materials, but I was ignored, and I hate myself for not fighting harder to stay living within reasonable means.
Things have pretty much sucked for me since my wife lost her job in July. That wasn't supplementary income. That was HALF of our income, as well as our medical coverage. I've been fighting off the bills solo, ever since, and I feel that I'm finally to the point of being overwhelmed and beaten down. I'm behind on everything, and three months behind on my mortgage. I recently got my "letter of intent to accelerate" from the bank. I registered with some state program to try to work something out with my bank. After calling them on the phone, they said my application was in an "evaluation" stage, and there was nothing I needed to do until they contacted me. I wasn't gonna hold my breath. Earlier, I got off the phone with the bank after finding out that I don't fit into that massive 5% category that qualifies for a loan modification. No surprise there. Next, I called the VA for alternatives to foreclosure, and got forwarded to somebody's voice mail. Now, when(if!) they call back tomorrow, or any other time this week, I'll be working and unable to take a call until after business hours (I don't know WHY people always want weekends off at their jobs. How do they get anything done when nothing's open???). Fortunately, I just found out that I can borrow against my 401k a second time (I plan on working until I'm in the grave, anyway.), which will help a little (except that now my paychecks are gonna be even smaller!). Also, I had to stop my son's CDs, which I planned on building up for him in secret until he's a responsible adult (He's only three, though, so I've got plenty of time to reinvest money for him, but when I looked at him afterward, I hated myself just a little bit more.). That should hopefully keep us safely in the house until college starts for me and a basic allowance for housing kicks in (Thank you, Post 9/11 GI Bill!), which will definitely give me breathing room again, as well as a chance to not feel guilty if I buy food that isn't cans of Vienna Sausage.
I just pray that as a full-time employee and full-time student, I'll have the energy to work my typical long hours AND make it to school on time, be attentive in class (meaning not falling asleep!), pass, and still somehow be a decent parent and husband.
Basically, I just wanna reiterate that things have pretty much sucked for about 6 months.
I know there are many who have it worse than I do, which just makes me feel worse about the situation. There's ALWAYS an "at least you have/you're not/you are" to be heard, but I want the headaches, stress, and guilt to go away. I want to look forward to things and not have this shit in the back of my mind at any time that I'm not occupied by work. My finances are my responsibility, but the dark side of me really wants to point a finger and explode (Not that that would accomplish anything, but I have built-up resentment that needs an outlet.). I never wanted to be stretched so thin that something like this would happen, and I hate myself for letting it happen. I knew we were trying to build a fortress on shaky ground with shoddy craftsmanship and cheap materials, but I was ignored, and I hate myself for not fighting harder to stay living within reasonable means.
It was very vivid and detailed...