Best posted in the blog, and I'm hoping some tact will be exercised.
Forgetting about, feeling about my dad, the forum, my life, etc etc. I have one.,. major regret.
That regret.. I was an absolute asshole to my mom during her illness and treatment.
I was in NJ, cooped up in a hotel room, with her for 3 months, in the summer of 2011. I didnt have my TMF, or Jim Gardner, etc. My mom was fighting to save her life, with the best doctors we could think of, and I was upset that I couldnt watch a newsguy every night.
It was so bad.. that the Drs called me in and threatened to send me home. It was so bad, that one day she pulled the chemo needle out of her arm, and told me she wanted to die.
I have no justification, just a circumstance.
I dealt with it all alone, for 23 months, with no help from my dad, or my family. I lost.. my relatiionship with my dad, and my ex best friend, during that time, not to mention that I almost died from a seizure.
When the Drs werent angry at me, they were concerned.
My aunt tells me I was a wonderful son to her,. My dad tells me I went "over and above for her".
The night before she died, I apologized to her, for my horrible treatment of her during her illness., She was still cohearant, and told me she forgave me.
She cried many times in the last weeks, and told me that she didnt want to leave me. Letting her go was the worst thing of my life. I still havent let her go.
I talk to her at night, sometimes. I dont know if she can hear me.
If there is an afterlife, I cant help but think that she is hopefully having the time of her life, serving God, and that things are just beautiful, and just maybe, if the spirits have thoughts, hers might be..
"Lord, I am so relieved to be at peace, and rid of that pain in the ass son".
My heart misses her every day. This April 4th, is going to be the worst day, since.. last April 4th.
That is my real guilt.,
All I can say is..
Mom,. I';m sorry. I love you forever, and if there is an afterlife, I hope to be reunited with you one day, so that we can work this out, once and for all.
Forgetting about, feeling about my dad, the forum, my life, etc etc. I have one.,. major regret.
That regret.. I was an absolute asshole to my mom during her illness and treatment.
I was in NJ, cooped up in a hotel room, with her for 3 months, in the summer of 2011. I didnt have my TMF, or Jim Gardner, etc. My mom was fighting to save her life, with the best doctors we could think of, and I was upset that I couldnt watch a newsguy every night.
It was so bad.. that the Drs called me in and threatened to send me home. It was so bad, that one day she pulled the chemo needle out of her arm, and told me she wanted to die.
I have no justification, just a circumstance.
I dealt with it all alone, for 23 months, with no help from my dad, or my family. I lost.. my relatiionship with my dad, and my ex best friend, during that time, not to mention that I almost died from a seizure.
When the Drs werent angry at me, they were concerned.
My aunt tells me I was a wonderful son to her,. My dad tells me I went "over and above for her".
The night before she died, I apologized to her, for my horrible treatment of her during her illness., She was still cohearant, and told me she forgave me.
She cried many times in the last weeks, and told me that she didnt want to leave me. Letting her go was the worst thing of my life. I still havent let her go.
I talk to her at night, sometimes. I dont know if she can hear me.
If there is an afterlife, I cant help but think that she is hopefully having the time of her life, serving God, and that things are just beautiful, and just maybe, if the spirits have thoughts, hers might be..
"Lord, I am so relieved to be at peace, and rid of that pain in the ass son".
My heart misses her every day. This April 4th, is going to be the worst day, since.. last April 4th.
That is my real guilt.,
All I can say is..
Mom,. I';m sorry. I love you forever, and if there is an afterlife, I hope to be reunited with you one day, so that we can work this out, once and for all.
