Shhh.

I could just pretend the night didn't happen.
I dreamed it.
And nightmares exist only in our heads.
Only when we bring them to the surface do nightmares become reality.

I feel anger
rage
numbness
dumb
naive
young
stupid
small
big
indifferent
invisible
sad
selfish
fooled
used
sick
stupid
blank
miserable
alone
crowded
defeated
unwanted
weak

Take a deep breath.
Count to ten.
Close your eyes.
Don't feel, don't you dare even think.
Your brain needs a break.
Your heart is cursing at you!
You know better, you fucking train wreck!
Stop hurting us!
Your stomach is in knots.
The urge to puke out his touch...his kiss...his fluids...
It's strong.
A desire you crave more than you can express in words.
A clear fucking thought would be nice.
A set fucking emotion would be super.

Write about it...talk about it...scream about it.
Who fucking cares?
It still happened.
You walked into this mess with clear warning signs saying RUN AWAY NOW.

Drama queen.
Dirty slut.
Naive bitch.

What the fuck am I doing?
I'll never learn.