This is going to be a sad blog rant.. so anyone who doesn't want to read that, stop reading here please.
Bottom line:
The insurance exam is not going well. It's driving me crazy! I take it.. many times a day, and have not gotten anything more than a 64. I need to get 70, twice, to even qualify for take the real thing. Hasn't happened.
Aflac wants me to be ready to take the real thing by next Friday. If not, I may lose my chance, completely.
As I;'ve mentioned, the questions are mind games, double and triple false negatives.
My aunts, Maria, and even my father think i'm going to pass the exam.
This morning, my father sent me a long e-mail, which said something like "I have every confidence that you'll pass, but even if you don't, you gave it your best shot".
While I know that had the sound of being supportive. Does.. "Best Shot" really count? Isn't it "Success" that matters?
Would I have been in the historical honors society at Adelphi, or the student rep to show new students the campus during every orientation, if I "Gave it my best shot", but had a mediocre GPA? No. I was the representative for that school, because I was one of the stars of the campus.
Bottom line: If I don't pass the exam.. I will feel lower than low.
Maria is getting married soon. Her 50th is Monday. I saw her today to give her a birthday hug.
If I don't get some kind of good career going.. I'm finished with any idea of ever having a partner, ticklish or not. I'm old.. I have serious health issues, including seizures, and high bp.
Not to mention..
My mom always said.. may she rest.. "The Best Revenge is Success".
In my father's mind, even though he and I were estranged for 20 years, he got rid of Mitch and Sheila, had lots of money, traveled the world, as Mitch and Sheila were at his mercy, and floundered in our lives, failing with the many businesses we tried.
Then, Sheila got the worse disease, died, and Mitch was at his and his family's mercy.
I don't sense that my father wants me to fail the exam.
I do know this: While he claims that he hasn't told any of the family of his that I hate, anything about my personal life, they would just gloat if I failed the exam. His two first cousins, the one who ripped my mom the day after my mom's funeral, and her sister, hate my guts. I despise these women, even though he is best friends with all of them.
Then, there's my uncle,.. I've posted how he told me his wish that I be on disability for the rest of my life. He's always hated me, and now, his son has Asperger';s, and I'm the last person my uncle would want to see be successful.
I want to pass this exam, not only for myself, and the potential it would mean for me, but also, to stick it in these people's faces.
My aunt the artist says I shouldn't even consider this. She doesn't understand,. My maternal family had our disagreements, but we were always warm and loving to each other. My mom never, ever, put down her family's dreams the way my father and my paternal family have put down my dreams.
I'm going to keep working my tail off.
Just once.. even if I never find that special girl, can't I ever get some remote sembalance of what I want?
Bottom line:
The insurance exam is not going well. It's driving me crazy! I take it.. many times a day, and have not gotten anything more than a 64. I need to get 70, twice, to even qualify for take the real thing. Hasn't happened.
Aflac wants me to be ready to take the real thing by next Friday. If not, I may lose my chance, completely.
As I;'ve mentioned, the questions are mind games, double and triple false negatives.
My aunts, Maria, and even my father think i'm going to pass the exam.
This morning, my father sent me a long e-mail, which said something like "I have every confidence that you'll pass, but even if you don't, you gave it your best shot".
While I know that had the sound of being supportive. Does.. "Best Shot" really count? Isn't it "Success" that matters?
Would I have been in the historical honors society at Adelphi, or the student rep to show new students the campus during every orientation, if I "Gave it my best shot", but had a mediocre GPA? No. I was the representative for that school, because I was one of the stars of the campus.
Bottom line: If I don't pass the exam.. I will feel lower than low.
Maria is getting married soon. Her 50th is Monday. I saw her today to give her a birthday hug.
If I don't get some kind of good career going.. I'm finished with any idea of ever having a partner, ticklish or not. I'm old.. I have serious health issues, including seizures, and high bp.
Not to mention..
My mom always said.. may she rest.. "The Best Revenge is Success".
In my father's mind, even though he and I were estranged for 20 years, he got rid of Mitch and Sheila, had lots of money, traveled the world, as Mitch and Sheila were at his mercy, and floundered in our lives, failing with the many businesses we tried.
Then, Sheila got the worse disease, died, and Mitch was at his and his family's mercy.
I don't sense that my father wants me to fail the exam.
I do know this: While he claims that he hasn't told any of the family of his that I hate, anything about my personal life, they would just gloat if I failed the exam. His two first cousins, the one who ripped my mom the day after my mom's funeral, and her sister, hate my guts. I despise these women, even though he is best friends with all of them.
Then, there's my uncle,.. I've posted how he told me his wish that I be on disability for the rest of my life. He's always hated me, and now, his son has Asperger';s, and I'm the last person my uncle would want to see be successful.
I want to pass this exam, not only for myself, and the potential it would mean for me, but also, to stick it in these people's faces.
My aunt the artist says I shouldn't even consider this. She doesn't understand,. My maternal family had our disagreements, but we were always warm and loving to each other. My mom never, ever, put down her family's dreams the way my father and my paternal family have put down my dreams.
I'm going to keep working my tail off.
Just once.. even if I never find that special girl, can't I ever get some remote sembalance of what I want?
