Blog.. Analysis.. about myself, and the situation in my life.
I've already posted about things that are going on with work.. The meeting with the 100 man law firm next Wednesday, the 13th, as well as something else that could be potentially very good, hopefully.
Yesterday, my dad urged me to calm down, and not drive myself crazy. His intent was to be helpful, I know, but, I think what he may be missing is,. my behavior now, this is the real me. During my years in college, the most successful time of my life, with great grades, many friends, recognition, my keyed up demeanor earned me the nickname "BON". (Bundle Of Nerves) from Barney, and the others in our group of friends. My dad wouldn't know this, because, he wasn't around during those years, as we were estranged.
Shortly after my mom died, my dad said to me "You have a shot, Mitch, if you don't screw it up".
For the first year I was in NY, someone else was inhabiting Mitch's body. I was in a trance, depressed, mourning my mom, and not caring about anything else but being morose.
When did I ever think that a man with a flimsy resume, and no experience in insurance.. would have a chance in the largest insurance company in the world? The people at Aflac stayed with me, when I repeatedly failed the insurance exam, and they could, and probably would, have had justification to throw me out.
I have two potentially very good things that I'm working on, which could truly be "Game changers" for my career. Of course I'm concerned. Anyone in my situation would be.
I look at where I was.. ten months ago.. when my dad sent me the email I deserved, wanting to know what I was doing with my life. (Not much of anything at that point). Since then, I was accepted into a major insurance company, passed a professional licensing exam that I had no prior training in, was trained in a field I had no experience in, have been striving to improve my body through regular workouts at the gym a few times a week, and I'm now working on what is my other major weakness, my stuttering, through bi weekly sessions with a speech therapist, my "Shrink" of sorts.
When I saw my dad and Cheryl last Sunday night for dinner, Cheryl remarked on how much better I seem.
The only thing I have to do, is to God willing actually secure these accounts, and then, find just a couple of more friends, including hopefully a kind, ticklish female, to share this life I'm building with.
When I woke up from a nap I was taking this evening, a thought crossed my mind. I miss my mom like crazy, and will until the day I die, but.. I spent a year and a half in a catatonic state, mourning her loss, the void I felt, and my own anger at myself, about how I treated her, when she was sick, with what turned out to be a disease, that took her life. .
I think... after that.. with all my hard work to rebuild my ,life over the past 11 months, I've "earned the right" (My dad's favorite expression) to build a life, go on, and live in the most productive way I know how. I'm.. going to be 45 in a few months. Even if I live a "Normal lifespan", who can say I have more than.. 30 years left? Even if I live til I';m.. 80.. the ride is almost 60% over.
I know that my mom is watching from the afterlife, happy and proud of how I've rebuilt my life. She wasn't the type of person who would have wanted me to mourn her for 18 months as I did. She would have wanted me to go on with life, the minute she passed away, and left me. I cant undo the way I reacted to it, but I can sure as heck control.. to an extent.. how I live my life now.
Having the real me back does feel good.
My weekend trips to the casino, are the only residual of how I was before I found my new career. Someone told me that is my "escape" from the situations regarding work. I've learned to compartmentalize that into it's proper place, where I spend my weekdays productively, working and improving myself, and limiting that to the weekends, where it should be.
Now. I wait. Heck Yeah I'm concerned about the upcoming business meetings that could change my life. Who wouldn't be? My view. This is more "normal" than not caring about anything in life at all. This attitude got me through college pretty well, at a time my parents were divorcing, and my life changed completely. My guess is.. such can happen again, even if it is 20 years later.
I've already posted about things that are going on with work.. The meeting with the 100 man law firm next Wednesday, the 13th, as well as something else that could be potentially very good, hopefully.
Yesterday, my dad urged me to calm down, and not drive myself crazy. His intent was to be helpful, I know, but, I think what he may be missing is,. my behavior now, this is the real me. During my years in college, the most successful time of my life, with great grades, many friends, recognition, my keyed up demeanor earned me the nickname "BON". (Bundle Of Nerves) from Barney, and the others in our group of friends. My dad wouldn't know this, because, he wasn't around during those years, as we were estranged.
Shortly after my mom died, my dad said to me "You have a shot, Mitch, if you don't screw it up".
For the first year I was in NY, someone else was inhabiting Mitch's body. I was in a trance, depressed, mourning my mom, and not caring about anything else but being morose.
When did I ever think that a man with a flimsy resume, and no experience in insurance.. would have a chance in the largest insurance company in the world? The people at Aflac stayed with me, when I repeatedly failed the insurance exam, and they could, and probably would, have had justification to throw me out.
I have two potentially very good things that I'm working on, which could truly be "Game changers" for my career. Of course I'm concerned. Anyone in my situation would be.
I look at where I was.. ten months ago.. when my dad sent me the email I deserved, wanting to know what I was doing with my life. (Not much of anything at that point). Since then, I was accepted into a major insurance company, passed a professional licensing exam that I had no prior training in, was trained in a field I had no experience in, have been striving to improve my body through regular workouts at the gym a few times a week, and I'm now working on what is my other major weakness, my stuttering, through bi weekly sessions with a speech therapist, my "Shrink" of sorts.
When I saw my dad and Cheryl last Sunday night for dinner, Cheryl remarked on how much better I seem.
The only thing I have to do, is to God willing actually secure these accounts, and then, find just a couple of more friends, including hopefully a kind, ticklish female, to share this life I'm building with.
When I woke up from a nap I was taking this evening, a thought crossed my mind. I miss my mom like crazy, and will until the day I die, but.. I spent a year and a half in a catatonic state, mourning her loss, the void I felt, and my own anger at myself, about how I treated her, when she was sick, with what turned out to be a disease, that took her life. .
I think... after that.. with all my hard work to rebuild my ,life over the past 11 months, I've "earned the right" (My dad's favorite expression) to build a life, go on, and live in the most productive way I know how. I'm.. going to be 45 in a few months. Even if I live a "Normal lifespan", who can say I have more than.. 30 years left? Even if I live til I';m.. 80.. the ride is almost 60% over.
I know that my mom is watching from the afterlife, happy and proud of how I've rebuilt my life. She wasn't the type of person who would have wanted me to mourn her for 18 months as I did. She would have wanted me to go on with life, the minute she passed away, and left me. I cant undo the way I reacted to it, but I can sure as heck control.. to an extent.. how I live my life now.
Having the real me back does feel good.
My weekend trips to the casino, are the only residual of how I was before I found my new career. Someone told me that is my "escape" from the situations regarding work. I've learned to compartmentalize that into it's proper place, where I spend my weekdays productively, working and improving myself, and limiting that to the weekends, where it should be.
Now. I wait. Heck Yeah I'm concerned about the upcoming business meetings that could change my life. Who wouldn't be? My view. This is more "normal" than not caring about anything in life at all. This attitude got me through college pretty well, at a time my parents were divorcing, and my life changed completely. My guess is.. such can happen again, even if it is 20 years later.
