I just feel like blogging, since I have nothing else to do at the moment. I tend to blog about stuff when I am in a weird mood, so be warned! (insert ominous music here)
Anywho, like many people the world over, I have been sort of figuring out my place in the scheme of things lately. My place here on the TMF is something that I had been mulling over as well. I'm not sure if I can even say that I have a "place" here to be perfectly honest.
I've been a member here since the way back days of 2001 and I have seen people come and I have seen people go in my time. I guess since I am rapidly approaching my 8th anniversary here, I am feeling kind of like an old timer here. I've had a lot of feelings of nostalgia, thinking back over the years, even pre-TMF. Honestly, my being a member here since 2001, is one of the only "constants" in my life over that span of years...and I am finding myself wondering if maybe the time to call it quits here is approaching.
No one event has happened or one person offended me or anything, it's just a nagging feeling I have had lately. It's hard to describe. I wish I could put it into words, but sometimes emotions aren't really something that can be typed. I am going to try my best, as maybe it will help me sort everything out. Probably no one will read this anyway, so this is really more just for me, that's why I am not posting it in the forum proper.
I have made many acquaintances here, but only one who could honestly be defined as a friend. I've been having feelings of....I don't know....isolation? No...that's not right...just a general feeling of "everyone else is having fun involved with tickling and I am not". Does that make sense? It must, because I said so. LOL!
I guess I am just plain tired or burned out from this general sense of malaise. It's sort of been like the little thundercloud that just rains on one person, you know? I've done my best to block it out, but then coming here seems counterproductive. It's a not-so-fun feeling accepting that tickling will probably not be playing much (if any) role in my life for the forseeable future (if ever). So, I am left asking, "Why come here?" What purpose does the TMF serve in my life? Truth be told, I can't answer either question.
I don't want to be seen as some creepy old man lurking about in the shadows, so if I just decide to quit active posting, I will be lurking, which is exactly what I would seem like (to myself at least). So, lurking is out of the question for me. Besides, I prefer to actively post...it keeps things more interesting. The TMF has not brought me much in the way of actual tickling, so hanging around just for that makes me feel like I would be desperate. I don't think anyone wants to be thought of or think of themselves as desperate. That's not a good place to be, mentally.
I always liked to think I know my place in the scheme of things and I don't know my place here. I'm not the worlds most handsome man. I'm not the most flashy guy. I'm not the "dangerous bad boy". I'm not the funniest (although I can be at times). I guess I feel more and more lost in the shuffle here. Just a nameless face in the crowd. I don't want to never be involved with tickling and then come here to torment myself. What purpose would that serve? I know of people who would love to abuse me, so I don't need to do it to myself...so says common sense.
I guess over the next week or so I will be giving real consideration about my future status here. There is a chance I could stay on, same as always, but there is equal chance (maybe even a lil' bit greater chance) that I will take a sabatical from the TMF, or resign my commission as it were. Me not being here won't change or alter anything, the TMF will go on and be fine without me around and that's a comforting thought. I haven't left any lasting impression on anything, so I can simply make a quiet exit. Although, maybe I should make an exit post, just so the people on my friends list are aware of it. That would be the polite thing to do, I don't want to be rude.
Besides, I am busy with work. Drawing comics and t-shirts is fairly time consuming. I could use the time I spend here, doing that instead. That's a logical thing to do.
Maybe I already have my answer...
Anywho, like many people the world over, I have been sort of figuring out my place in the scheme of things lately. My place here on the TMF is something that I had been mulling over as well. I'm not sure if I can even say that I have a "place" here to be perfectly honest.
I've been a member here since the way back days of 2001 and I have seen people come and I have seen people go in my time. I guess since I am rapidly approaching my 8th anniversary here, I am feeling kind of like an old timer here. I've had a lot of feelings of nostalgia, thinking back over the years, even pre-TMF. Honestly, my being a member here since 2001, is one of the only "constants" in my life over that span of years...and I am finding myself wondering if maybe the time to call it quits here is approaching.
No one event has happened or one person offended me or anything, it's just a nagging feeling I have had lately. It's hard to describe. I wish I could put it into words, but sometimes emotions aren't really something that can be typed. I am going to try my best, as maybe it will help me sort everything out. Probably no one will read this anyway, so this is really more just for me, that's why I am not posting it in the forum proper.
I have made many acquaintances here, but only one who could honestly be defined as a friend. I've been having feelings of....I don't know....isolation? No...that's not right...just a general feeling of "everyone else is having fun involved with tickling and I am not". Does that make sense? It must, because I said so. LOL!
I guess I am just plain tired or burned out from this general sense of malaise. It's sort of been like the little thundercloud that just rains on one person, you know? I've done my best to block it out, but then coming here seems counterproductive. It's a not-so-fun feeling accepting that tickling will probably not be playing much (if any) role in my life for the forseeable future (if ever). So, I am left asking, "Why come here?" What purpose does the TMF serve in my life? Truth be told, I can't answer either question.
I don't want to be seen as some creepy old man lurking about in the shadows, so if I just decide to quit active posting, I will be lurking, which is exactly what I would seem like (to myself at least). So, lurking is out of the question for me. Besides, I prefer to actively post...it keeps things more interesting. The TMF has not brought me much in the way of actual tickling, so hanging around just for that makes me feel like I would be desperate. I don't think anyone wants to be thought of or think of themselves as desperate. That's not a good place to be, mentally.
I always liked to think I know my place in the scheme of things and I don't know my place here. I'm not the worlds most handsome man. I'm not the most flashy guy. I'm not the "dangerous bad boy". I'm not the funniest (although I can be at times). I guess I feel more and more lost in the shuffle here. Just a nameless face in the crowd. I don't want to never be involved with tickling and then come here to torment myself. What purpose would that serve? I know of people who would love to abuse me, so I don't need to do it to myself...so says common sense.
I guess over the next week or so I will be giving real consideration about my future status here. There is a chance I could stay on, same as always, but there is equal chance (maybe even a lil' bit greater chance) that I will take a sabatical from the TMF, or resign my commission as it were. Me not being here won't change or alter anything, the TMF will go on and be fine without me around and that's a comforting thought. I haven't left any lasting impression on anything, so I can simply make a quiet exit. Although, maybe I should make an exit post, just so the people on my friends list are aware of it. That would be the polite thing to do, I don't want to be rude.
Besides, I am busy with work. Drawing comics and t-shirts is fairly time consuming. I could use the time I spend here, doing that instead. That's a logical thing to do.
Maybe I already have my answer...
