So father's day is a bit of a big deal to me. I haven't been able to celebrate it too often. In fact, this will only be the third one that I can remember.
It's still stunning when I realize my father is even around, let alone doing such an awesome job turning his life around. He is a little over three years sober. And while I can't be his sponsor because we're family and I'm not an alcoholic, I feel responsible in doing what I can to make things easier.
He is constantly trying to get me to go to meetings and I always make excuses, but I promised him for Father's Day I would. We just got back and it was a really good experience.
I think people who haven't had to deal with addiction, either themselves or with family members, tend to make assumptions about the people that have these problems. They would be surprised to see the mix of individuals that attend.
The meeting today was about the 5th step which is "Admitting to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (There is no pressure to believe in God or even a higher power at these meetings. I think that for many people, religion can help them, believing in another power can be comforting, etc. However, if you don't believe in that stuff, they say to think of God as standing for "group of drunks" or something similar.)
The step seems daunting, even for someone that doesn't have a problem with alcohol. Alcohol can make people do crazy things and think thoughts that make sense to them but are in actuality delusional. Reality becomes twisted.
The woman who did the lead was amazing. She was honest, unashamed, and it really resonated even with me.
I wanted to comment that, in the spirit of Father's Day because we hadn't had too many together, that I'd like to congratulate him on his 3 years of being sober, but we ran out of time and I was too nervous until the very end. He probably would have been embarrassed too.
The things I found interesting were that at some point in your life, hopefully sooner than later, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to be honest with what kind of person you are, even if it's not easy. Eventually, in realizing your faults, you can then move on to remedy them and also people will feel more compassion for you if own up to mistakes rather than mask them or overcompensate for them in other ways.
I feel many people see themselves as a victim in life. I did for a long time. I was upset I didn't do well in college. Well, I never studied. I was upset that I wasn't thin enough. Well, I didn't work out on a regular basis or eat very well. There were things I thought should be handed to me. It was like I felt I deserved certain things because I was such a "victim."
Now, I realize, there's nothing in life worth having that will come easy. After a certain age, there is nothing that will be handed to you. Grades, jobs, relationships, becoming a better person, knowledge, experience, it all takes hard work and if you realize you're not getting to where you want to be, perhaps you need to look at how willing you are to work at it. Some people are just content with being lazy and lethargic.
She also spoke about loneliness. I think everyone has been at a place in life where they feel they're the only person on Earth. Or there is no one that understands them. Or they're invisible. I know I have. As I get older I realize, there is no problem I can face that someone else has not dealt with already on this Earth. There are people that understand me and while I may not encounter those people on a day to day basis, there are forums just like this one and groups and meetings that I can attend if I feel the need, to help encourage me to continue the fight.
Alienating myself from others because I think I'm too misunderstood, or they won't get it, or even I'm too cool or smart for this shit, will only continue the delusional thoughts (that come with addiction or depression, etc.) Sometimes you need someone to verbally kick your ass and call bullshit on you for you to realize this.
Lastly, she touched on being fearless. You can't get through life being fear-stricken. Trying new things is imperative to growth and even survival as a human being. As someone that has dealt, and is still dealing with an anxiety disorder, at times just facing the world can cause panic. And the thoughts of growing up, being independent, while they were exciting to think about, when the time came to really be a mature adult, I was fucking scared shitless.
I think all of us, not just addicts, need to learn to be more fearless when it comes to life. Shit happens that makes it hard for us and at times we're faced with decisions that we'd rather not have to make, but fear can only hold you back. People continue to grow, long after they're considered "adult" and I think all of us could use some "growing up" at times.
I'm glad I went to the AA meeting today. Even though, I'm not an alcoholic, it was definitely worthwhile to be around so many hopeful people and hear the inspirational stories. Gives me hope that maybe things aren't so bad for me and definitely lit a fire under my ass to work harder for the things I want.
Happy Father's Day to everyone. 🙂
It's still stunning when I realize my father is even around, let alone doing such an awesome job turning his life around. He is a little over three years sober. And while I can't be his sponsor because we're family and I'm not an alcoholic, I feel responsible in doing what I can to make things easier.
He is constantly trying to get me to go to meetings and I always make excuses, but I promised him for Father's Day I would. We just got back and it was a really good experience.
I think people who haven't had to deal with addiction, either themselves or with family members, tend to make assumptions about the people that have these problems. They would be surprised to see the mix of individuals that attend.
The meeting today was about the 5th step which is "Admitting to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (There is no pressure to believe in God or even a higher power at these meetings. I think that for many people, religion can help them, believing in another power can be comforting, etc. However, if you don't believe in that stuff, they say to think of God as standing for "group of drunks" or something similar.)
The step seems daunting, even for someone that doesn't have a problem with alcohol. Alcohol can make people do crazy things and think thoughts that make sense to them but are in actuality delusional. Reality becomes twisted.
The woman who did the lead was amazing. She was honest, unashamed, and it really resonated even with me.
I wanted to comment that, in the spirit of Father's Day because we hadn't had too many together, that I'd like to congratulate him on his 3 years of being sober, but we ran out of time and I was too nervous until the very end. He probably would have been embarrassed too.
The things I found interesting were that at some point in your life, hopefully sooner than later, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to be honest with what kind of person you are, even if it's not easy. Eventually, in realizing your faults, you can then move on to remedy them and also people will feel more compassion for you if own up to mistakes rather than mask them or overcompensate for them in other ways.
I feel many people see themselves as a victim in life. I did for a long time. I was upset I didn't do well in college. Well, I never studied. I was upset that I wasn't thin enough. Well, I didn't work out on a regular basis or eat very well. There were things I thought should be handed to me. It was like I felt I deserved certain things because I was such a "victim."
Now, I realize, there's nothing in life worth having that will come easy. After a certain age, there is nothing that will be handed to you. Grades, jobs, relationships, becoming a better person, knowledge, experience, it all takes hard work and if you realize you're not getting to where you want to be, perhaps you need to look at how willing you are to work at it. Some people are just content with being lazy and lethargic.
She also spoke about loneliness. I think everyone has been at a place in life where they feel they're the only person on Earth. Or there is no one that understands them. Or they're invisible. I know I have. As I get older I realize, there is no problem I can face that someone else has not dealt with already on this Earth. There are people that understand me and while I may not encounter those people on a day to day basis, there are forums just like this one and groups and meetings that I can attend if I feel the need, to help encourage me to continue the fight.
Alienating myself from others because I think I'm too misunderstood, or they won't get it, or even I'm too cool or smart for this shit, will only continue the delusional thoughts (that come with addiction or depression, etc.) Sometimes you need someone to verbally kick your ass and call bullshit on you for you to realize this.
Lastly, she touched on being fearless. You can't get through life being fear-stricken. Trying new things is imperative to growth and even survival as a human being. As someone that has dealt, and is still dealing with an anxiety disorder, at times just facing the world can cause panic. And the thoughts of growing up, being independent, while they were exciting to think about, when the time came to really be a mature adult, I was fucking scared shitless.
I think all of us, not just addicts, need to learn to be more fearless when it comes to life. Shit happens that makes it hard for us and at times we're faced with decisions that we'd rather not have to make, but fear can only hold you back. People continue to grow, long after they're considered "adult" and I think all of us could use some "growing up" at times.
I'm glad I went to the AA meeting today. Even though, I'm not an alcoholic, it was definitely worthwhile to be around so many hopeful people and hear the inspirational stories. Gives me hope that maybe things aren't so bad for me and definitely lit a fire under my ass to work harder for the things I want.
Happy Father's Day to everyone. 🙂
