This is something I have really been thinking about a lot lately because of something stupid I said and did that hurt a couple of people. Remorse for me has always been a two-fold thing. I think it involves a physical and an emotional change of disposition. If it doesn't involve both then I think you could raise the argument that real remorse or real repentance hasn't taken place.
If you just get the physical change of someone acting different without actually feeling or acknowledging regret then are they really repentant or are they just changing because of social norms? I guess a good example would be whenever I got in a fight with one of my brothers I remember my parents either spanking us or sending us to timeout. Usually at the end of the period they would bring us back together and make us tell one another we were sorry. The truth is that we never were. We were just apologizing because we knew what the penalty was. There was physical evidence of saying we were sorry and usually abstaining from whatever got us in trouble for a couple weeks, but at the end of the day there was no real emotional regret or remorse for what we did.
If a person experiences an emotional change (i.e. guilt or regret for what they have done) but is unwilling to correct the behavior are they really acting on their remorse or is it just a feeling they have? A good explanation of this would be when someone feels "regret" about their actions but continues to go out and do the exact same thing.
I think it takes both a behavioral change and an emotional change for someone to be genuinely remorseful. Remorse for me is changing the behavior along with a feeling of regret for the action itself.
One area I have always struggled with when dealing with remorse is my motivation for apologizing. This is something a friend and I talked about last night because of some stuff that has been going on in his life that made me start to think about my own actions as well. Basically, am I apologizing because I feel regret for something I've done and want to express that regret to the person I've wronged or is it because I want them to tell me everything is ok for my own benefit and "forgive" me. It really got me thinking about how my own expressions of remorse should not be dependent upon the other person validating my feelings. My remorse should be able to stand by itself as an expression of my regret for hurting or disrespecting someone else.
I don't know who actually reads these blogs or if anyone will read mine. I think I'm really just writing out my thoughts so that I can express what I've been thinking about lately.
If you just get the physical change of someone acting different without actually feeling or acknowledging regret then are they really repentant or are they just changing because of social norms? I guess a good example would be whenever I got in a fight with one of my brothers I remember my parents either spanking us or sending us to timeout. Usually at the end of the period they would bring us back together and make us tell one another we were sorry. The truth is that we never were. We were just apologizing because we knew what the penalty was. There was physical evidence of saying we were sorry and usually abstaining from whatever got us in trouble for a couple weeks, but at the end of the day there was no real emotional regret or remorse for what we did.
If a person experiences an emotional change (i.e. guilt or regret for what they have done) but is unwilling to correct the behavior are they really acting on their remorse or is it just a feeling they have? A good explanation of this would be when someone feels "regret" about their actions but continues to go out and do the exact same thing.
I think it takes both a behavioral change and an emotional change for someone to be genuinely remorseful. Remorse for me is changing the behavior along with a feeling of regret for the action itself.
One area I have always struggled with when dealing with remorse is my motivation for apologizing. This is something a friend and I talked about last night because of some stuff that has been going on in his life that made me start to think about my own actions as well. Basically, am I apologizing because I feel regret for something I've done and want to express that regret to the person I've wronged or is it because I want them to tell me everything is ok for my own benefit and "forgive" me. It really got me thinking about how my own expressions of remorse should not be dependent upon the other person validating my feelings. My remorse should be able to stand by itself as an expression of my regret for hurting or disrespecting someone else.
I don't know who actually reads these blogs or if anyone will read mine. I think I'm really just writing out my thoughts so that I can express what I've been thinking about lately.
