The situation continues to get worse.. especially with my father.,
As for my aunt.. I could care less if I never spoke to her again.
Simply because I questioned how he wanted to do my birthday.. my father requested a "break" from me.
My father, Cheryl, and all the extended family,.have spent the greater part of three years, being extremely abusive to me.
Reality: I'm still hurting, severely, over the loss of Aflac. Aflac was the situation I had hoped would earn me enough money to finally be free of this man.
Thus, I really havent wanted to be in the position of being in the presence of those who would feel satisfied over my unfortunate situation.
Originally, my father had planned to spend my birthday with me alone, appropriate, I think, because of my feelings over my situation.
I have offered for weeks, to visit Cheryl at a seperate time.
Merely because of this request, my father asked for a "Break" from me.
He told me that I cant "Insulate myself in a glass box from questions".
Thus, it isnt enough for him that I lost Aflac, and cant find a job.. but.. I have to place myself in the line of fire, for anyone in his world who wants to abuse me.
I have no right to protect myself from the abuse of his family, while already having to subject myself to his abuse.. if I dont do everything 100% his way.
Yet, my father, and those who he deems have "Rights" can do anything the fuck they want, including his continuing to attack my dead mother, constantly, when he knows that such causes me seizures.
Those on this forum who think.. and have accused me of.
"You want to live off your Daddy".
Are seriously delusional.
What I want.. is to finally secure a position,. to make enough money to take care of myself completely, pay him off every last penny he has laid out for this apartment, whatever the number is.. and then ask him why we should stay together.
Why is he doing this? Because he can.
He offered to send me money every month, and take a break.,. but.. unless he refuses to see me, and still sends me money, I cant trust that.
I'm forced to..
Deal with him as it is.
I dont know what is going on yet for Friday,.
My mom, may she rest, had predicted this.
I had always thought that the reason he was angry with me, was because i was not seeing his wife, or extended family..
It is far more than that, because, I have been so concilatory to these people, not saying a word to them, about my hurts of the past, or even their hurtful actions of the present.
Yet, they, and my father, have any right to say and do whatever the fuck they want.
My reward for my killing myself to pass the insurance exam, and my suggesting so many different possibilities at Aflac, is to lose the position that might finally have made me free.
My reward for working dilligently, every day, to find employment for over two months since I left Aflac, is to have sent out hundreds of resumes, and gone on many job interviews, to no avail.
My becoming self sufficient is the last thing my father wants.
If that happens, he then loses the ability to choke hold my life.
I dont know what happens next. It's his America until I can figure a way out of this mess.
If God really helps those who help themselves, something that I really have no reason to believe, after the situation I had with Aflac, and my inability to find work over the past two and a half months, then, God, will find me a job, and a way out soon, before, the strain of this situation, takes it's toll on my very life, maybe to the point of my passing away from the extreme abuse and aggravation he subjects me to, ongoing.
As for my aunt.. I could care less if I never spoke to her again.
Simply because I questioned how he wanted to do my birthday.. my father requested a "break" from me.
My father, Cheryl, and all the extended family,.have spent the greater part of three years, being extremely abusive to me.
Reality: I'm still hurting, severely, over the loss of Aflac. Aflac was the situation I had hoped would earn me enough money to finally be free of this man.
Thus, I really havent wanted to be in the position of being in the presence of those who would feel satisfied over my unfortunate situation.
Originally, my father had planned to spend my birthday with me alone, appropriate, I think, because of my feelings over my situation.
I have offered for weeks, to visit Cheryl at a seperate time.
Merely because of this request, my father asked for a "Break" from me.
He told me that I cant "Insulate myself in a glass box from questions".
Thus, it isnt enough for him that I lost Aflac, and cant find a job.. but.. I have to place myself in the line of fire, for anyone in his world who wants to abuse me.
I have no right to protect myself from the abuse of his family, while already having to subject myself to his abuse.. if I dont do everything 100% his way.
Yet, my father, and those who he deems have "Rights" can do anything the fuck they want, including his continuing to attack my dead mother, constantly, when he knows that such causes me seizures.
Those on this forum who think.. and have accused me of.
"You want to live off your Daddy".
Are seriously delusional.
What I want.. is to finally secure a position,. to make enough money to take care of myself completely, pay him off every last penny he has laid out for this apartment, whatever the number is.. and then ask him why we should stay together.
Why is he doing this? Because he can.
He offered to send me money every month, and take a break.,. but.. unless he refuses to see me, and still sends me money, I cant trust that.
I'm forced to..
Deal with him as it is.
I dont know what is going on yet for Friday,.
My mom, may she rest, had predicted this.
I had always thought that the reason he was angry with me, was because i was not seeing his wife, or extended family..
It is far more than that, because, I have been so concilatory to these people, not saying a word to them, about my hurts of the past, or even their hurtful actions of the present.
Yet, they, and my father, have any right to say and do whatever the fuck they want.
My reward for my killing myself to pass the insurance exam, and my suggesting so many different possibilities at Aflac, is to lose the position that might finally have made me free.
My reward for working dilligently, every day, to find employment for over two months since I left Aflac, is to have sent out hundreds of resumes, and gone on many job interviews, to no avail.
My becoming self sufficient is the last thing my father wants.
If that happens, he then loses the ability to choke hold my life.
I dont know what happens next. It's his America until I can figure a way out of this mess.
If God really helps those who help themselves, something that I really have no reason to believe, after the situation I had with Aflac, and my inability to find work over the past two and a half months, then, God, will find me a job, and a way out soon, before, the strain of this situation, takes it's toll on my very life, maybe to the point of my passing away from the extreme abuse and aggravation he subjects me to, ongoing.
