As probably shouldn't surprise me:
I met with my father again today. This time, instead of reaming me, he decided to play the.. "analytical approach" to put me down. He said.. "You cant undo what happened.. All you can do is deal with what is now.. and go from there".
Then, he decided to twist things, and play a mind game with me, asking "How can he help me?". There is nothing sincere about his words. He knows people who can find me a job.. He could help me start my business. He has done neither. Nor will he. My failures are a feather in his cap. He can keep saying "Mitch has a disability, and Sheila fucked him up".
His latest "Brainiac" suggestion for my life, is that "Maybe I should go down south, to .. Florida.. or somewhere. where jobs might be more "plentiful". After watching my mom waste away, having to move to NY, what my father has done to me, being rejected for my business by my old company, and things not working out with Maria.. an unfamiliar place is just what I need. Sure he wants me to move. My rent in Florida would be.. half of what it is here. I would REALLY benefit from unfamiliar surroundings. With all the problems I have here.. I know the people in my building, the people in the shops and things here in Forest Hills. I don't long to be in Lancaster anymore. I like it here.
What would REALLY help me, is if I could get my business going as needed, pay my father back, and tell him to go to hell.
My plan now is to take my flimsy resume, and just look. With my luck, I will either find no job, or the worst job, with the worst boss. I'll just have to deal with whatever comes my way.
They talk about "Catching a Break"., That has not happened to me. My beloved business failed. My beloved mother and I suffered, and went to the end of the earth, to save her life, and she died, and didn't live any longer with the extreme measures we took. I was ignored by sources about my business ideas. Maria behaved very nicely to me, and will now be gone.., and my father gets to do and say anything he wants to me.
My aunt the artist.. who is usually a pacifist. thinks my father is appalling.
I don't plan to ask him for any "help", besides hoping he honors his promise to take care of my apartment.
I know that there will undoubtedly be "new" things in my life.. A "new" job, wherever that will be. A girlfriend.. if I decide to try and find one, would be "new". I might have one or two "new" friends.
Besides that, what matters to me? History!
I lost, my mom, and my best friend of 29 years, the two people I loved the most in the world, and had the longest history with.
I moved to NY, after 13 years in PA. What did I do? I stayed with the forum that I had history with for ten years, and, thanks to Jeff, I am still able to watch my beloved Philadelphia newscaster every night, Jim Gardner. I know that Mr Gardner will one day retire, hopefully not for a while at least,, but.. at least I still have the man who I've loved to watch for 14 years.
As... unadvisable.. as it may be,. even Acqueduct casino.. is a place I have history with.. this year.. My friend Barney and I are known there by people at the eating places, in the casino, at the horse bet area, etc.
When I do find whatever "job", I'm going to do.. my plan has to be to see my father as little as possible.
One final thing about my father: He knew that I really enjoyed Maria's company, and that what happened with her was a disappointment.. after all the heartbreak of the past few years. Instead of saying something like "Mitch, with all the other things that happened this year, I know and understand why you're upset that things didn't work out with Maria". His genius reply to me was "It really doesn't matter, because you weren't with her anyway". A really understanding reply.
I ask that any replies not be attacking.
I just have to wonder when things are going to get better.
I met with my father again today. This time, instead of reaming me, he decided to play the.. "analytical approach" to put me down. He said.. "You cant undo what happened.. All you can do is deal with what is now.. and go from there".
Then, he decided to twist things, and play a mind game with me, asking "How can he help me?". There is nothing sincere about his words. He knows people who can find me a job.. He could help me start my business. He has done neither. Nor will he. My failures are a feather in his cap. He can keep saying "Mitch has a disability, and Sheila fucked him up".
His latest "Brainiac" suggestion for my life, is that "Maybe I should go down south, to .. Florida.. or somewhere. where jobs might be more "plentiful". After watching my mom waste away, having to move to NY, what my father has done to me, being rejected for my business by my old company, and things not working out with Maria.. an unfamiliar place is just what I need. Sure he wants me to move. My rent in Florida would be.. half of what it is here. I would REALLY benefit from unfamiliar surroundings. With all the problems I have here.. I know the people in my building, the people in the shops and things here in Forest Hills. I don't long to be in Lancaster anymore. I like it here.
What would REALLY help me, is if I could get my business going as needed, pay my father back, and tell him to go to hell.
My plan now is to take my flimsy resume, and just look. With my luck, I will either find no job, or the worst job, with the worst boss. I'll just have to deal with whatever comes my way.
They talk about "Catching a Break"., That has not happened to me. My beloved business failed. My beloved mother and I suffered, and went to the end of the earth, to save her life, and she died, and didn't live any longer with the extreme measures we took. I was ignored by sources about my business ideas. Maria behaved very nicely to me, and will now be gone.., and my father gets to do and say anything he wants to me.
My aunt the artist.. who is usually a pacifist. thinks my father is appalling.
I don't plan to ask him for any "help", besides hoping he honors his promise to take care of my apartment.
I know that there will undoubtedly be "new" things in my life.. A "new" job, wherever that will be. A girlfriend.. if I decide to try and find one, would be "new". I might have one or two "new" friends.
Besides that, what matters to me? History!
I lost, my mom, and my best friend of 29 years, the two people I loved the most in the world, and had the longest history with.
I moved to NY, after 13 years in PA. What did I do? I stayed with the forum that I had history with for ten years, and, thanks to Jeff, I am still able to watch my beloved Philadelphia newscaster every night, Jim Gardner. I know that Mr Gardner will one day retire, hopefully not for a while at least,, but.. at least I still have the man who I've loved to watch for 14 years.
As... unadvisable.. as it may be,. even Acqueduct casino.. is a place I have history with.. this year.. My friend Barney and I are known there by people at the eating places, in the casino, at the horse bet area, etc.
When I do find whatever "job", I'm going to do.. my plan has to be to see my father as little as possible.
One final thing about my father: He knew that I really enjoyed Maria's company, and that what happened with her was a disappointment.. after all the heartbreak of the past few years. Instead of saying something like "Mitch, with all the other things that happened this year, I know and understand why you're upset that things didn't work out with Maria". His genius reply to me was "It really doesn't matter, because you weren't with her anyway". A really understanding reply.
I ask that any replies not be attacking.
I just have to wonder when things are going to get better.
