I had another eye-opener today. This morning after the ritual teasing of Embraceabl with pastries I decided to take a little tour of the northweat side of Indianapolis. I was looking for a few gift items for upcoming birthdays when I spotted a Men's Wearhouse. This made me think about last May and how the night before I was to leave for NEST I started packing and tried on my suit. Or let's say attempted to put on my suit. I had quit smoking six months earlier and as with some ex-smokers I gained a little weight. About 30 pounds. I was now too fat for my suit......and other shirts and pants. Fuck. For the first time in my life I was too fat to wear something. Well, I muddled through NEST with clothes bought at the 24 hour Wally World. But now the memory came back and my faithful Pickup wheeled into the parking lot and I was walking into an actual men's clothing store for the first time in twenty years.
I had been shopping in the rain and wearing my crappiest work jeans with an old shirt. I was immediately met inside the door by this immaculately trimmed bearded gentleman who asked, "And you are looking for?" to which I answered, "Suits?" Remembering the drill from a long time ago he tried to lead me to the bargin rack while I ignored him and went for the good stuff. I guess he figured out that I actually might have a little money to spend and without missing a beat asked me my preference. I told him about the ex-smoking thing and that the old suit while designed to always be in conservative fashion just wasn't big enough anymore and his eyes betrayed him a little when I told him who hand made the old suit. I still wouldn't play poker with this guy, that's how smooth he was. So after twenty years I found myself standing in the well-lit mirrored cubicle that shows no mercy to whomever is standing in it.
When you are in this purveyor of the absolute truth you are shown exactly as the world see you. I saw something I never thought I would see. The real me. Scary. No shit, it was scary. You look at yourself hard standing in the center of three mirrors. Fuckin' scary. How do women do it?
I'm giving up pastries.
So.......after a short statured, short tempered old Italian lady violates me with a tape measure and jabs at me with a stick of white chalk I am then back in my crappy clothes and led to a table where the shirts and matching ties are already waiting for me. I think they had this planned from the start. Of course by this time my fashion consultant Steve and I were old pals since we both know this nice lady in my home town. Go figure.
Now for the real shock. The deal is buy one and get the second for 100 bucks. Two suits, two shirts, two ties, and anywhere from seven to thirty-two bucks for each alteration. The total being $698.83. ......Yeah.
So if anything happens, bury me in the dark blue one with the white shirt and silk tie.
Give the other one to Filthyweasel.
I had been shopping in the rain and wearing my crappiest work jeans with an old shirt. I was immediately met inside the door by this immaculately trimmed bearded gentleman who asked, "And you are looking for?" to which I answered, "Suits?" Remembering the drill from a long time ago he tried to lead me to the bargin rack while I ignored him and went for the good stuff. I guess he figured out that I actually might have a little money to spend and without missing a beat asked me my preference. I told him about the ex-smoking thing and that the old suit while designed to always be in conservative fashion just wasn't big enough anymore and his eyes betrayed him a little when I told him who hand made the old suit. I still wouldn't play poker with this guy, that's how smooth he was. So after twenty years I found myself standing in the well-lit mirrored cubicle that shows no mercy to whomever is standing in it.
When you are in this purveyor of the absolute truth you are shown exactly as the world see you. I saw something I never thought I would see. The real me. Scary. No shit, it was scary. You look at yourself hard standing in the center of three mirrors. Fuckin' scary. How do women do it?
I'm giving up pastries.
So.......after a short statured, short tempered old Italian lady violates me with a tape measure and jabs at me with a stick of white chalk I am then back in my crappy clothes and led to a table where the shirts and matching ties are already waiting for me. I think they had this planned from the start. Of course by this time my fashion consultant Steve and I were old pals since we both know this nice lady in my home town. Go figure.
Now for the real shock. The deal is buy one and get the second for 100 bucks. Two suits, two shirts, two ties, and anywhere from seven to thirty-two bucks for each alteration. The total being $698.83. ......Yeah.
So if anything happens, bury me in the dark blue one with the white shirt and silk tie.
Give the other one to Filthyweasel.
