She's been gone since Friday to visit her dad's side of the family in Oklahoma for the holiday.
I used to look forward to her return. The hugs, kisses, the "I missed you!", the chatter about all that went on that we didn't talk about on the phone.
Now there's a lot of intense feelings in the air. Some is from me just out of the need to avoid her when she gets here. The other female roommate is dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and has a lot of mistrust in my ex. She's jealous of the time spent between my ex and the other male roommate, who happens to be the significant other of the female roommate.
Much of what has transpired over these last few months, especially the heated arguments, has been between them. Not to say that I'm not to blame for some of what has happened, but I'm already owning up to, and paying for, my mistakes.
My ex has more options than I in terms of finding somewhere else to live. I wish she'd take one of them so this could all be avoided. But I just know something bad is going to happen, and I may have to suffer for some of it.
In my new direction to changing my life and going to anger management, I have to be able to allow myself some time away from her. But if she has to come to me today, I won't be able to comfort her like I want.
EDIT:: I told her about my self-revelations. Told her she should quit guarding herself against her emotions. Luckily, she's already admitted to needing help and will be looking for it.
I just wish she would talk to me...
I used to look forward to her return. The hugs, kisses, the "I missed you!", the chatter about all that went on that we didn't talk about on the phone.
Now there's a lot of intense feelings in the air. Some is from me just out of the need to avoid her when she gets here. The other female roommate is dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and has a lot of mistrust in my ex. She's jealous of the time spent between my ex and the other male roommate, who happens to be the significant other of the female roommate.
Much of what has transpired over these last few months, especially the heated arguments, has been between them. Not to say that I'm not to blame for some of what has happened, but I'm already owning up to, and paying for, my mistakes.
My ex has more options than I in terms of finding somewhere else to live. I wish she'd take one of them so this could all be avoided. But I just know something bad is going to happen, and I may have to suffer for some of it.
In my new direction to changing my life and going to anger management, I have to be able to allow myself some time away from her. But if she has to come to me today, I won't be able to comfort her like I want.
EDIT:: I told her about my self-revelations. Told her she should quit guarding herself against her emotions. Luckily, she's already admitted to needing help and will be looking for it.
I just wish she would talk to me...
