As most on here know, I've made major strides since Sept 2013, with being accepted by Aflac, working diligently to pass the insurance exam, being accepted into the company, and now, working to get contacts. When my father returns home from FL, he is going to put me in touch with some very good leads, that should hopefully translate into at least some business.
This week, I even joined a health club, and I have a session with a personal trainer on Tuesday.
Last night,,. my father told me on the phone from FL "You should find a girl".
I think he has many reasons for saying this..
First.. since its been so long since I've been in a relationship, and I really was never in one when he was in my life, because we were estranged for so long.. I'm sure my sexual preference is in question from those in his world. I may have posted in Dec 2012 how my miserable uncle questioned me if I was Gay.
I also think that he feels if I was in relationship, I would give up other things I enjoy., The casino, Jim Gardner.
His least concern would be my happiness.
I do go to the casino much less than I used to, and intend to cut it down more.
Jim Gardner.. I don't intend to give him up until he retires. To me, it is a harmless pastime.
While I of course see many beautiful girls, every day, in this huge city.. a relationship now seems like a fleeting thought.
While I'm "Better" than I was when my mom died. I still have times that I feel terribly sad, and cry. As everyone knows, April 4th is coming. It seems stupid that I should miss her more that day than any other, but maybe its because all the memories of that terrible day almost two years ago, are still fresh in my mind.
The stupidest things can cause me to well up. As I've posted.. I've been watching Tom and Jerry episodes on Youtube. I watched one called "The Flying Cat" today, where Tom makes a set of wings out of.. drapes.. I think.. to try and fly up, and catch Jerry in a birdhouse.. At one point.. Tom is flying with the wings in the air, and music is playing.. and the music caused me to feel very sad.. thinking of an angel in heaven with wings.., flying around,, even though Tom in that situation, and most others., is far from an angel.,
While it might be very nice to be with someone,, have companionship, and say, and hear "I love you".. I also have issues that my father is not aware of, and never will be. I don't intend to just put aside my interests. (Womens; feet and tickling, of course) I don't feel ready to potentially have to date, get involved, and confess that to someone, not to mention the possible negative reaction and ridicule I might get.
My age is another issue. My aunt scoffs off that a woman wouldn't want to be with a man who is 44. I could probably find someone.. its just.. I'm sensitive about my age.
My father had a situation where it all came together for him in 1996 all at once. He joined the company he worked at for 17 years, and found Cheryl.. all in a matter of a few months. For the seven years before that, from the time my mom and he had split.. he had business issues, and various relationships.
Right now I just want to focus on work, and going to the gym.
At the beginning of 2013, I swore I would have a position, and things would be better work wise, by the end of that year. Said came true.. when I passed my insurance exam, and joined Aflac. On January 1 of this year, I figured I might like to have a partner by the end of the year, once I solidified my position in insurance., It's only March.. so I have a ways to go. My father thinks work would be easier for me.. if "I had someone to support me" (Emotionally). I don't know.,. While companionship, emotional support, giving and receiving love, and.. sex.. might be nice.. I still feel too shaky to go there.
My life right now is exactly that of a rebuilding sports team that had long been in last place, and is trying to climb into being a contender. Some very good things have happened, and some very, very bad ones. I have a position, and I'm working on getting clients. I've been soundly rejected by some people. I had a couple of wonderful wins at the casino over a two month period, but have also had some very, very bad days. My father can at times be very supportive.. but at other times rips me to shreds,
I guess the point of this long winded post is.. I feel I need to do this when I'm ready, and I don't feel ready. Work, prospect for clients.. meetings.. try to build my business,. yes.., absolutely.. all the time. The gym and getting into better physical shape.. nothing wrong with that.. very beneficial.. A woman.. now... Er.. Um,, not sure.. don't know.. Could be very good.. but also.. could be very difficult, and maybe not fair.. to myself or the potential partner.. whoever she might be.
This week, I even joined a health club, and I have a session with a personal trainer on Tuesday.
Last night,,. my father told me on the phone from FL "You should find a girl".
I think he has many reasons for saying this..
First.. since its been so long since I've been in a relationship, and I really was never in one when he was in my life, because we were estranged for so long.. I'm sure my sexual preference is in question from those in his world. I may have posted in Dec 2012 how my miserable uncle questioned me if I was Gay.
I also think that he feels if I was in relationship, I would give up other things I enjoy., The casino, Jim Gardner.
His least concern would be my happiness.
I do go to the casino much less than I used to, and intend to cut it down more.
Jim Gardner.. I don't intend to give him up until he retires. To me, it is a harmless pastime.
While I of course see many beautiful girls, every day, in this huge city.. a relationship now seems like a fleeting thought.
While I'm "Better" than I was when my mom died. I still have times that I feel terribly sad, and cry. As everyone knows, April 4th is coming. It seems stupid that I should miss her more that day than any other, but maybe its because all the memories of that terrible day almost two years ago, are still fresh in my mind.
The stupidest things can cause me to well up. As I've posted.. I've been watching Tom and Jerry episodes on Youtube. I watched one called "The Flying Cat" today, where Tom makes a set of wings out of.. drapes.. I think.. to try and fly up, and catch Jerry in a birdhouse.. At one point.. Tom is flying with the wings in the air, and music is playing.. and the music caused me to feel very sad.. thinking of an angel in heaven with wings.., flying around,, even though Tom in that situation, and most others., is far from an angel.,
While it might be very nice to be with someone,, have companionship, and say, and hear "I love you".. I also have issues that my father is not aware of, and never will be. I don't intend to just put aside my interests. (Womens; feet and tickling, of course) I don't feel ready to potentially have to date, get involved, and confess that to someone, not to mention the possible negative reaction and ridicule I might get.
My age is another issue. My aunt scoffs off that a woman wouldn't want to be with a man who is 44. I could probably find someone.. its just.. I'm sensitive about my age.
My father had a situation where it all came together for him in 1996 all at once. He joined the company he worked at for 17 years, and found Cheryl.. all in a matter of a few months. For the seven years before that, from the time my mom and he had split.. he had business issues, and various relationships.
Right now I just want to focus on work, and going to the gym.
At the beginning of 2013, I swore I would have a position, and things would be better work wise, by the end of that year. Said came true.. when I passed my insurance exam, and joined Aflac. On January 1 of this year, I figured I might like to have a partner by the end of the year, once I solidified my position in insurance., It's only March.. so I have a ways to go. My father thinks work would be easier for me.. if "I had someone to support me" (Emotionally). I don't know.,. While companionship, emotional support, giving and receiving love, and.. sex.. might be nice.. I still feel too shaky to go there.
My life right now is exactly that of a rebuilding sports team that had long been in last place, and is trying to climb into being a contender. Some very good things have happened, and some very, very bad ones. I have a position, and I'm working on getting clients. I've been soundly rejected by some people. I had a couple of wonderful wins at the casino over a two month period, but have also had some very, very bad days. My father can at times be very supportive.. but at other times rips me to shreds,
I guess the point of this long winded post is.. I feel I need to do this when I'm ready, and I don't feel ready. Work, prospect for clients.. meetings.. try to build my business,. yes.., absolutely.. all the time. The gym and getting into better physical shape.. nothing wrong with that.. very beneficial.. A woman.. now... Er.. Um,, not sure.. don't know.. Could be very good.. but also.. could be very difficult, and maybe not fair.. to myself or the potential partner.. whoever she might be.
