Another vent about my father.. that.. I would appreciate having no attacks in, unless someone has something constructive to say..
After his discussion about his friend and cousin on Friday, I asked my father if I could send him an email expressing my feelings. He lied, and said yes. I sent it, and waited four days for a reply, having to e-mail him a second time before he finally replied. After that.. he showed his true character, and proved he doesn't give a damn about me.. or my future.
His e-mail consisted of what he called "Straight Talk", about my becoming a "Productive Member of Society", and that his friends apparently were going to sit down to basically read me the riot act of straight talk, like all of them are the mavens on everything, and on my life. I told him to stuff it with them, and he claims he will "Never mention them, or rip my mom again". (A lie, considering his past lies).
He never took responsibility for..
1. Leaving my complex long oil and gas tax returns undone for years, so I could not get loans for grad school.
2. Never discussing my future with me, about grad school, after college. Never discussing my future with me after my business, Market America, failed.
3. Acting hateful to both my mom and me, and justifying everyone who has acted hateful to me, both in the past, and presently.
He refuses to help me with my business, or to help find me a job, knowing my lack of work history.
Sooo..
My situation now is that he has to hold my money, due to my credit issues, and supposedly pay my rent.
I'm going to have to suck it up, find whatever job, hopefully as short term as possible, and push to do my business by myself, and hope to catch a few breaks.
This behavior today, his constant ripping of my mom and justifying everyone who has hurt me leads me to only one conclusion...
Hopefully.. have the job, and business, and build the business.. to the point where I can afford to support this apartment, and everything else.. pay him back every penny, and then tell him to go fuck himself.. forever.
Bottom line: I was happier when he was out of my life..
When I told him he did irrepriable damage to my life by not caring about my future.. or paying for me to complete my education.. his reply was "The only irrepriable damage is what you did to yourself, by not becoming a "productive member of society".
I hate his guts, to the core, and, if I didn't need him, I wouldn't care what happened to him.
I believe.. one has to take responsibility for their abusive and hurtful behavior to others. When I treated my mom like shit during our time in NJ in 2011, I apologized to her.
'
NEVER did this bastard apologize for anything he's done to me, and NEVER did he show rage toward anyone in his family for their vile treatment of me.
I called my friend Adam's mother.. who told me she would be there to help. She admitted he shouldn't beat me up about his family, but she doesn't truly understand.
I need to calm down for a day or two.. fill out the best possible resume I can, and put my foot forward.
As for him, I hope to see and talk to him as little as possible.
After all the things he did to impede my life that I've forgiven him for.. I do not plan to ever forgive him for this.
In addition to "hard work", and "approaching sources for a job or business",. I also need to catch a few breaks that I haven't caught until now, to make enough money, to eventually tell him to one day go fuck himself.
Even if/when I get a "job".. and if he should soften his position, by giving me his usual lip service of "I was wrong" I will not ever forget this. I plan to save his email for posterity.
Before I came to NY, I tore up all his vicious letters to my mom and me through the years, to try and start anew with him, and was trying to judge him by how he was from the day I called him after I found out about the brain tumor,
2/13/12. His position is not the same. He can hold grudges against me and my mom, and whoever else, for however long, because HE is a special person, but I'm expected to forgive, unconditionally.
Maria, Barney, etc, were appalled by him. These people, while my friends, are NOT Mitch advocates. If I fuck up, and they feel I'm wrong they will tell me straight.
His behavior is putrid. I've tried my best these past 18 months to love him as my father, and put the past in the past.
My effort has been in vain. The only way to forget the past.. is to change the present, and he has not done that.
He is also fucking defensive. He is going to CA and Vegas tomorrow to Monday to see his brother, and CA for business.
All I said is "You're leaving tomorrow". He angrily said "California is work, and I'm seeing Ira for the weekend".
An unneeded attack, but of course, he has every right to do and say anything he wants.
I never get what I want.. as businesses failed, and my mom was taken from me, but.. if there was any poetic justice at all..
I would find a job, and business.. to make enough money.. pay him off, and tell him to fuck himself.
I don't think he would even care. Based on how he treats me, he doesn't want me in his life.
I will grit my teeth and bear him whenever I have to see him. Hopefully it will be as little as possible, and I can go on with my life.
What a son of a bitch.
After his discussion about his friend and cousin on Friday, I asked my father if I could send him an email expressing my feelings. He lied, and said yes. I sent it, and waited four days for a reply, having to e-mail him a second time before he finally replied. After that.. he showed his true character, and proved he doesn't give a damn about me.. or my future.
His e-mail consisted of what he called "Straight Talk", about my becoming a "Productive Member of Society", and that his friends apparently were going to sit down to basically read me the riot act of straight talk, like all of them are the mavens on everything, and on my life. I told him to stuff it with them, and he claims he will "Never mention them, or rip my mom again". (A lie, considering his past lies).
He never took responsibility for..
1. Leaving my complex long oil and gas tax returns undone for years, so I could not get loans for grad school.
2. Never discussing my future with me, about grad school, after college. Never discussing my future with me after my business, Market America, failed.
3. Acting hateful to both my mom and me, and justifying everyone who has acted hateful to me, both in the past, and presently.
He refuses to help me with my business, or to help find me a job, knowing my lack of work history.
Sooo..
My situation now is that he has to hold my money, due to my credit issues, and supposedly pay my rent.
I'm going to have to suck it up, find whatever job, hopefully as short term as possible, and push to do my business by myself, and hope to catch a few breaks.
This behavior today, his constant ripping of my mom and justifying everyone who has hurt me leads me to only one conclusion...
Hopefully.. have the job, and business, and build the business.. to the point where I can afford to support this apartment, and everything else.. pay him back every penny, and then tell him to go fuck himself.. forever.
Bottom line: I was happier when he was out of my life..
When I told him he did irrepriable damage to my life by not caring about my future.. or paying for me to complete my education.. his reply was "The only irrepriable damage is what you did to yourself, by not becoming a "productive member of society".
I hate his guts, to the core, and, if I didn't need him, I wouldn't care what happened to him.
I believe.. one has to take responsibility for their abusive and hurtful behavior to others. When I treated my mom like shit during our time in NJ in 2011, I apologized to her.
'
NEVER did this bastard apologize for anything he's done to me, and NEVER did he show rage toward anyone in his family for their vile treatment of me.
I called my friend Adam's mother.. who told me she would be there to help. She admitted he shouldn't beat me up about his family, but she doesn't truly understand.
I need to calm down for a day or two.. fill out the best possible resume I can, and put my foot forward.
As for him, I hope to see and talk to him as little as possible.
After all the things he did to impede my life that I've forgiven him for.. I do not plan to ever forgive him for this.
In addition to "hard work", and "approaching sources for a job or business",. I also need to catch a few breaks that I haven't caught until now, to make enough money, to eventually tell him to one day go fuck himself.
Even if/when I get a "job".. and if he should soften his position, by giving me his usual lip service of "I was wrong" I will not ever forget this. I plan to save his email for posterity.
Before I came to NY, I tore up all his vicious letters to my mom and me through the years, to try and start anew with him, and was trying to judge him by how he was from the day I called him after I found out about the brain tumor,
2/13/12. His position is not the same. He can hold grudges against me and my mom, and whoever else, for however long, because HE is a special person, but I'm expected to forgive, unconditionally.
Maria, Barney, etc, were appalled by him. These people, while my friends, are NOT Mitch advocates. If I fuck up, and they feel I'm wrong they will tell me straight.
His behavior is putrid. I've tried my best these past 18 months to love him as my father, and put the past in the past.
My effort has been in vain. The only way to forget the past.. is to change the present, and he has not done that.
He is also fucking defensive. He is going to CA and Vegas tomorrow to Monday to see his brother, and CA for business.
All I said is "You're leaving tomorrow". He angrily said "California is work, and I'm seeing Ira for the weekend".
An unneeded attack, but of course, he has every right to do and say anything he wants.
I never get what I want.. as businesses failed, and my mom was taken from me, but.. if there was any poetic justice at all..
I would find a job, and business.. to make enough money.. pay him off, and tell him to fuck himself.
I don't think he would even care. Based on how he treats me, he doesn't want me in his life.
I will grit my teeth and bear him whenever I have to see him. Hopefully it will be as little as possible, and I can go on with my life.
What a son of a bitch.
