My mom and I had words last night. God, that's the last thing that should be happening now, considering her terrible situation.
I am, by nature, not a very positive person. I've had a lot of heartbreak, disappointment, and negativity hurled my way, by my father and his family, my best friend's mother, (who despises me), my assistant, and others. Some of the things that have happened make me wonder, "Will Mitch ever catch a break".
I want to be strong, and positive for mom, and believe me, I will be. No matter what happens, I will be there for her, always. I've spent much of my life, though, living with "wishful thinking", engaging in businesses and product sales companies promising large incomes, where nothing came to fruitation. In my old company that I was in from 2001 to 2004, Market America, others made much money, and I couldn't swing it. I had other contacts from direct marketing sales companies I had done in the past, and contacted them, to try and get them to join Market America as sales reps, but none of them wanted to. I was devestated when I was forced to abandon my dreams of being my own boss as an independent sales rep in 2004, but, it was absolutely nothing compared to what is facing me now.
My point to my post is this: I am going to attend every DR visit, and treatment with my mom. I will stand by her,. always, no matter what. I hope and pray that when she takes the treatments, she will, most importantly, not suffer physically, but also, that the treatments will be able to extend her life, and that she can live for a long time.
However, I'm also a realist: I know I've been told not to read about "odds" of beating this. I dont want to live with wishful thinking, and say "Mom's going to be alive and well in five years from now". I hope and pray that she will, but, I dont want to delude myself.
My mom is angry, because she feels I have her in the ground already. She has every right to feel as she does, justifiably. I'll admit that I'm terrified for her, and that, emotionally, I have to comtemplate life without her in the long term. I'll help her, pray every day, and help her fight, and fight, and fight. I want her to beat this, and I want us to beat this, and I've apologized to her a million times over for things I've done in my life, and sounding maybe a bit too negative now. I just want all the important things to be said, to make sure she knows how I love her to the ends of the earth, and back.
Fear: Absolutely, I'm terrified, most importantly for mom, but also for myself.
Support: Always. Mom will have me there for her, 100%, no matter what.
Selfishness: If I sounded this way last evening to mom, then I am so, so sorry. I have always loved mom, as much as life itself. Maybe at times I've made seflish statements through the years, but, in this case, I dont want to be selfish.
I know I will be there to support mom, and I know I'm terrified for her, and for myself. I hope and pray that I can overcome mom's feeling that I am being selfish. I dont mean to be that way, and I feel very, very guility for doing so. I guess such will be a process, just as with everything in life.
Mitch
I am, by nature, not a very positive person. I've had a lot of heartbreak, disappointment, and negativity hurled my way, by my father and his family, my best friend's mother, (who despises me), my assistant, and others. Some of the things that have happened make me wonder, "Will Mitch ever catch a break".
I want to be strong, and positive for mom, and believe me, I will be. No matter what happens, I will be there for her, always. I've spent much of my life, though, living with "wishful thinking", engaging in businesses and product sales companies promising large incomes, where nothing came to fruitation. In my old company that I was in from 2001 to 2004, Market America, others made much money, and I couldn't swing it. I had other contacts from direct marketing sales companies I had done in the past, and contacted them, to try and get them to join Market America as sales reps, but none of them wanted to. I was devestated when I was forced to abandon my dreams of being my own boss as an independent sales rep in 2004, but, it was absolutely nothing compared to what is facing me now.
My point to my post is this: I am going to attend every DR visit, and treatment with my mom. I will stand by her,. always, no matter what. I hope and pray that when she takes the treatments, she will, most importantly, not suffer physically, but also, that the treatments will be able to extend her life, and that she can live for a long time.
However, I'm also a realist: I know I've been told not to read about "odds" of beating this. I dont want to live with wishful thinking, and say "Mom's going to be alive and well in five years from now". I hope and pray that she will, but, I dont want to delude myself.
My mom is angry, because she feels I have her in the ground already. She has every right to feel as she does, justifiably. I'll admit that I'm terrified for her, and that, emotionally, I have to comtemplate life without her in the long term. I'll help her, pray every day, and help her fight, and fight, and fight. I want her to beat this, and I want us to beat this, and I've apologized to her a million times over for things I've done in my life, and sounding maybe a bit too negative now. I just want all the important things to be said, to make sure she knows how I love her to the ends of the earth, and back.
Fear: Absolutely, I'm terrified, most importantly for mom, but also for myself.
Support: Always. Mom will have me there for her, 100%, no matter what.
Selfishness: If I sounded this way last evening to mom, then I am so, so sorry. I have always loved mom, as much as life itself. Maybe at times I've made seflish statements through the years, but, in this case, I dont want to be selfish.
I know I will be there to support mom, and I know I'm terrified for her, and for myself. I hope and pray that I can overcome mom's feeling that I am being selfish. I dont mean to be that way, and I feel very, very guility for doing so. I guess such will be a process, just as with everything in life.
Mitch
