Finally a day off and I kind of wish I was working.

So I finally have a day off after moths of nothing but go go go hurry hurry hurry. I was actually happy up until a few hours ago. I guess it takes a day off to recognize my surroundings. To realize how disconnected I've become from the world. I've no one to blame but myself really. I mean I'm so tied up all the time, because I have jobs to do. I have my day job as an engineer, I have my freelance photography, I also run Southern Atmosphere. But the real question is, do I have to do all of that? Or is it just a necessity I put into my own head. There was a point in time where all I did was work and do things. although 95% of the time I did things alone. I went to restaurants alone. Went to movies alone. Went to the park alone. Went to night clubs alone. I'm not sure when I made the transition into working all the time, but I guess I just got tired of doing things by myself. Heck 8 times out of 10 I was stood up and left hanging when I was to go out with people or peoples. I believe I somehow engineered a way where I didn't have to worry about it. I mean, it still happens, but now I just find some work to do. Which is actually what I am going to do in a minute. So my problem is I work too much because i feel like it's all I'm good for. I feel like no one would want to be around me unless they're getting something out of it other than my company. What needs to happen is I need to get over myself and go find some genuine people to hang out with and stop being such a sob story. But how do you make that transition? It's like I don't even know where to start. Hmmm... Questions questions question. It's amazing the things that can go through your mind when you have time to sit and think. Anyway. I've only had 2 people in the last 6 years ask me "Why do you work all the time?". I always say "Because I have to." The question always stuck in my head despite my answer. The truth is my mind, feels that I have to, even though that's not the reality of things. You now how they say, it's all in your head? Well it is. It's all just a defense mechanism. Oh well. I'm done rambling. Lol. I'm just writing to pass time now, and not actually saying anything. Back to work. 😛