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Finally Me

  • Author Author shygirl5
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  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 5 min read
I’ve been a ticklephile all my life thus far, and have kept it a secret from everyone except for those who are already into this fetish. I did not have many experiences growing up because I was so shy. Even friends of mine who tried to make small pokes at me never succeeded because of my stubbornness, and the fact that I was able to hold in my laughter to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation – seeing “Shygirl” completely lose it with hysterical laughter!

I first became a member of TMF in 2001. I made less than 25 posts, but a few of them were stories I had written that received some amazing reviews! I ended up meeting with two members of TMF (individually) for play dates, but neither of them was good or memorable. Haha! Oh well...

Shortly thereafter, I fell in love with another ticklephile and we were married a few years later. He also had a foot fetish. Thinking that I “had it all”, I very unwisely deleted all my stories from TMF and vowed not to return because I had found someone who could fulfill all my tickling dreams. Haha! (I will forever kick myself in the butt for deleting those stories as I cannot find them in any old files on my computer.) How naive! I even remember someone replying to what I had posted, saying, “You’ll be back.” But I was quite adamant I would not be.

I remained married to this person for twelve years, and during that time, we did have a lot of tickle fun between the two of us, but I really wanted to have friends who were into tickling as well – it was fun, harmless! To me, tickling was very playful and did not need to be sexual at all. My husband had a very different view and if I so much as thought about visiting TMF online to take a peek, he would get very angry. I did visit the site though, without him knowing, creating a couple of different names over the years, and claiming to be only looking for female friends to have some fun with – just in case my husband came across my posts. My husband was not a playful tickler – maybe a little bit, but nothing that could satisfy my desires for being a Lee. Tickling to him was very sexual and “in the bedroom” is where he liked to keep it. He also did not like to be tickled, so I was forced to suppress the Ler in me.

I finally became “Shygirl” in 2010 when I created a new account at TMF, 6 years into our marriage. About this time, I had met a really fun couple at TMF around my age that did not live too far from me. I started to chat with them - only just - and thought that I might ask my husband if he was interested in making friends with other ticklephiles. We hadn’t actually sat down together to talk about tickling since we were first married. It just didn’t come up. Yes, we tickled, but we didn’t talk about it and didn’t watch videos together. So I thought I would bring up the subject again. His responses let me know that he was not into sharing our fetish with anyone else – ever. I wasn’t happy with that at all, so one night, I was chatting with the couple and letting them know this when my husband caught me. He lit into me verbally, acting as though I was cheating on him – as though I was having a full-blown affair with this couple. I told the couple what happened, but my husband’s reaction scared them from ever speaking to me again.

I visited TMF very little over the next couple of years, throwing myself into life’s responsibilities and trying to smother this side of me that so much wanted to burst out and embrace this fetish and all that it had to offer! Slowly over time, a wedge formed between my husband and I. He threw himself into foot fetish sites, looking at tickle porn, but never wanting to include me – always hiding it. I felt used whenever we played together. How could he have everything he wanted and me as well? It had a great effect on how I thought about myself, my body, convincing myself that I wasn’t pretty enough as all the models he would look at online. (Even today, I still struggle with this, although I think I am slowly learning to appreciate my body.) I was not allowed to even so much as speak to another person – even through a computer no less – without him getting mad?! It wasn’t fair. It was only a small part of what was going on in our marriage.

It was a little over a year ago when the wall between my husband and I was quite evident. We had our own computers, so we often did our own thing. For me, it was TMF, slowly and secretively getting myself back into the community again. That’s when I reconnected with an old friend on TMF. We hit it off right away and began sending each other dozens of emails on a daily basis, until one day we decided to meet up in person.

Giving my husband an excuse, I very nervously, but excitedly, left the house to meet my friend. That is a story in itself, but he did “rescue” me from the poor marriage I was in. We began meeting regularly for play dates – I was having a lot of fun and my husband never suspected a thing. I would justify my sneaking out of the house to play, by my husband always looking at his “tickle porn” online and hiding it from me.

Things eventually broke down enough between my husband and me, that I was forced to leave him in March of 2016 – just this year.

Like a bird released from its cage or a flower suddenly being able to bloom, I felt myself free! Free to be me for the first time in years! It felt as though the clouds were broken and I could see the sunshine again! I threw myself into TMF, talking to people, sharing and writing stories! Events, gatherings and most importantly of all – NEST! - had now suddenly become a very good possibility! I had obsessed about it in my mind for many years already and now my chances of being a part of these was becoming a reality!

It’s been 8 months of freedom now, and I am not slowing down. I feel as though I need to make up for lost time! I have made a lot of wonderful friends from all over the world, some whom I have already met with for play dates and sessions, and several more whom I plan on doing the same with!

I’ve come to realize that this amazing fetish of ours, in all its complexity, is such a huge part of me that I can no longer ignore it. If you feel the same way, then choose wisely who you enter a relationship with and save yourself a lot of heartache and pain. Find out exactly who it is you want to be in this fetish and what you want to get out of it, and if at all possible, don’t let anyone try to keep you from enjoying what makes you – you, what makes you the happiest of all! Get out there and have fun!

~ Shygirl - The Barefoot Maiden

Comments

For those that choose to read my jumble of thoughts for a blog post, what is the funniest/stupidest instance you've seen or experienced of drivers and that first snowfall of the season?

A few years ago I was driving on the highway from work after it had been snowing all day. The roads were reeeeeally icy, so I was only doing like 20 or so. Well, some idiot decided I was going too slow, so they whipped around me, and actually cut me off.........IN ICE!!! I had to brake kinda fast, and fishtailed a little, but stayed on course. As I angrily looked up toward the retreating car, my clear thought was this: "I hope they end up in a ditch somewhere..." Yeah, I know, lol. About 60 seconds later, they took an exit, overshot the turn, and sure enough landed in a ditch! I drove on past them and honked. 😀
 
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Author
shygirl5
Read time
5 min read
Views
100
Comments
2
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