Many thanks to my beautiful partner in crime, 13, for sending me the website from whence these pictures/quotes came.
"'Mangalitsa' is a pretty fancy name for a curly-haired jack-off."
" I didn't even realize pigs had hair until I saw your ratty ass."
"pre-weight-loss Seth Rogen over here..."
"a mouth that looks sewn on and legs that appear to be taken from a dining room table..."
"maybe if you didn't grow up into a hulking mass of skin and bones that couldn't pose its way out of a paper bag..."
"It's got to be hard, being one step away from a cockroach."
"start twinkle-toeing around in that weird lobster way so I can get creeped out because I don't know which way you are going to move."
"This guy seems waaaay overconfident, like he's taking every fourth tourist behind the fucking bushes for some afternoon delight."
" I'm not going to be seduced by some dinosaur wanna-be that thinks a laid-back demeanor and a shit-eating grin is going to convince me to sully my honor."
"No, Land Iguana, I don't want to see your condo."
”personally, I can dance fucking circles around this loser”
“this is a fucking mating ritual, which basically means dude is hitting on me”
“sexed-up douchebags”
"I don't care how endangered you are, THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME."
"This baby gorilla got rejected by its mom, and you can totally see why."
"Glamour shots aren't for dragons, jerk-off."
"Unfortunately for you, you are a giant poisonous lizard. Pretty sure this is going in National Geographic, loser, not fucking Vanity Fair."
"I'm trying not to dwell too much on the tongue here, but are you sure you aren't just chewing a crowbar?"
"I think it's best you stick to what you know, like kidnapping princesses and talking like Sean Connery."
"Flying Squirrel, you are a fucking disaster."
"I'm pretty sure once you get this fucking ridiculous you can float on big-eye-and-little-paw power alone."
"Goddammit, Eel...you Barney-looking motherfucker."
"You know what friends do for each other, Eel? They help you move to a new apartment, they give you high fives, and they say things like "Here, lemme get that for you." ARMS SOUND MUCH BETTER NOW, DON'T THEY EEL?"
"*Looks at wombat*
*Looks at sign*
*Looks back at wombat*
*Looks back at sign*
Which one do I believe? I bet I shouldn't listen to you, Wombat, you fucking sneaky bastard."
"All you wombats are the same anyway, bumbling around on stubby legs and burrowing your noses where they don't belong."
"I'm onto you, you smug son-of-a-bitch."
"I can't possibly imagine that you could plan something so complex as to be this fucking proud of yourself, Frog."
"hop back into the water and go make some tadpoles"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO HUMILITY, FROG?"
" being blind doesn't count as a disability in moles"
"Oh, hooray, Mole. You made it out of the ground -- DO YOU WANT A FUCKING MEDAL?"
"And please, nail clippers. They are like a dollar."
"I don't approve of you, either."
"All you do is live underwater where you can't breathe and then come to my beach and bury your eggs all over the place."
"You see, Turtle (pun intended, fucker)..."
"Here we go. The silky fucking hen"
"It's like David Bowie meets Tim Burton meets Colonel Sanders."
"I'm just going to be honest: I'm terrified of you. I don't know if it's the pom-pom specifically or just that I didn't know it was possible to get whites that white, but something about your look says 'I'm coming to steal your dreams.' So stay away from me you dream-stealing poultry devil."
"This panda can feel his grip on humanity slipping away."
"...that doesn't give him the right to simultaneously look like a horse, some coral, a fluke, and a creamsicle. Pick a style and run with it, Seahorse."
"Stop freaking me out and let me have the normal horses that eat apples and let flies sit on their eyeballs."
"Good lord, you smiling asshole."
"next thing I know I'll come too close and you'll push me away."
"you couldn't even spend enough effort giving yourself a name, you just picked something with spines and added "fish" to the name"
Too lazy to continue -- more to come another day.
"'Mangalitsa' is a pretty fancy name for a curly-haired jack-off."
" I didn't even realize pigs had hair until I saw your ratty ass."
"pre-weight-loss Seth Rogen over here..."
"a mouth that looks sewn on and legs that appear to be taken from a dining room table..."
"maybe if you didn't grow up into a hulking mass of skin and bones that couldn't pose its way out of a paper bag..."
"It's got to be hard, being one step away from a cockroach."
"start twinkle-toeing around in that weird lobster way so I can get creeped out because I don't know which way you are going to move."
"This guy seems waaaay overconfident, like he's taking every fourth tourist behind the fucking bushes for some afternoon delight."
" I'm not going to be seduced by some dinosaur wanna-be that thinks a laid-back demeanor and a shit-eating grin is going to convince me to sully my honor."
"No, Land Iguana, I don't want to see your condo."
”personally, I can dance fucking circles around this loser”
“this is a fucking mating ritual, which basically means dude is hitting on me”
“sexed-up douchebags”
"I don't care how endangered you are, THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME."
"This baby gorilla got rejected by its mom, and you can totally see why."
"Glamour shots aren't for dragons, jerk-off."
"Unfortunately for you, you are a giant poisonous lizard. Pretty sure this is going in National Geographic, loser, not fucking Vanity Fair."
"I'm trying not to dwell too much on the tongue here, but are you sure you aren't just chewing a crowbar?"
"I think it's best you stick to what you know, like kidnapping princesses and talking like Sean Connery."
"Flying Squirrel, you are a fucking disaster."
"I'm pretty sure once you get this fucking ridiculous you can float on big-eye-and-little-paw power alone."
"Goddammit, Eel...you Barney-looking motherfucker."
"You know what friends do for each other, Eel? They help you move to a new apartment, they give you high fives, and they say things like "Here, lemme get that for you." ARMS SOUND MUCH BETTER NOW, DON'T THEY EEL?"
"*Looks at wombat*
*Looks at sign*
*Looks back at wombat*
*Looks back at sign*
Which one do I believe? I bet I shouldn't listen to you, Wombat, you fucking sneaky bastard."
"All you wombats are the same anyway, bumbling around on stubby legs and burrowing your noses where they don't belong."
"I'm onto you, you smug son-of-a-bitch."
"I can't possibly imagine that you could plan something so complex as to be this fucking proud of yourself, Frog."
"hop back into the water and go make some tadpoles"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO HUMILITY, FROG?"
" being blind doesn't count as a disability in moles"
"Oh, hooray, Mole. You made it out of the ground -- DO YOU WANT A FUCKING MEDAL?"
"And please, nail clippers. They are like a dollar."
"I don't approve of you, either."
"All you do is live underwater where you can't breathe and then come to my beach and bury your eggs all over the place."
"You see, Turtle (pun intended, fucker)..."
"Here we go. The silky fucking hen"
"It's like David Bowie meets Tim Burton meets Colonel Sanders."
"I'm just going to be honest: I'm terrified of you. I don't know if it's the pom-pom specifically or just that I didn't know it was possible to get whites that white, but something about your look says 'I'm coming to steal your dreams.' So stay away from me you dream-stealing poultry devil."
"This panda can feel his grip on humanity slipping away."
"...that doesn't give him the right to simultaneously look like a horse, some coral, a fluke, and a creamsicle. Pick a style and run with it, Seahorse."
"Stop freaking me out and let me have the normal horses that eat apples and let flies sit on their eyeballs."
"Good lord, you smiling asshole."
"next thing I know I'll come too close and you'll push me away."
"you couldn't even spend enough effort giving yourself a name, you just picked something with spines and added "fish" to the name"
Too lazy to continue -- more to come another day.
