So two nights ago, I'm at work, doing my work thing. I'm driving the truck listening to music and all of a sudden it hits me...my mom's birthday had been on the 12th and I'd forgotten.
I have to say it was a bit unsettling. Granted, there wasn't much to celebrate. She's been gone nearly 5 years now, but I remembered her birthday in previous years. The old saying is that time heals all wounds, and I suppose that's true. But I also cannot forget what a friend of mine in his 50's told me how his mom had passed when he was 16 and it was something he still carried with him to this day.
I guess what's bothering me about it is that I feel like I'm forgetting her. There was a time when something would happen in my life and I'd want to tell her about it, but then I'd remember she's gone. Then it became "it's too bad mom's not here. She'd love this one". Now, I'm forgetting important dates from her life. I even had to sit and figure out that she would have been 56 this year.
So now I'm forced to wonder if this is a normal progression in the healing process. Yeah, some would probably say "it's been nearly 5 years, get over it". But bear in mind that her death was unexpected and she was dead before any of us even knew what was going on. In light of that, it makes it harder to let go because you never got to say good-bye and all that.
And no, I'm not plying for sympathy or any of that crap. Anyone who knows me would understand that's not how I am. I'm simply bothered by my seeming callousness in forgetting. I am also wondering if others have any insight on such things. Hell, even the brutal truth would help set my mind at ease on the subject at this point.
I have to say it was a bit unsettling. Granted, there wasn't much to celebrate. She's been gone nearly 5 years now, but I remembered her birthday in previous years. The old saying is that time heals all wounds, and I suppose that's true. But I also cannot forget what a friend of mine in his 50's told me how his mom had passed when he was 16 and it was something he still carried with him to this day.
I guess what's bothering me about it is that I feel like I'm forgetting her. There was a time when something would happen in my life and I'd want to tell her about it, but then I'd remember she's gone. Then it became "it's too bad mom's not here. She'd love this one". Now, I'm forgetting important dates from her life. I even had to sit and figure out that she would have been 56 this year.
So now I'm forced to wonder if this is a normal progression in the healing process. Yeah, some would probably say "it's been nearly 5 years, get over it". But bear in mind that her death was unexpected and she was dead before any of us even knew what was going on. In light of that, it makes it harder to let go because you never got to say good-bye and all that.
And no, I'm not plying for sympathy or any of that crap. Anyone who knows me would understand that's not how I am. I'm simply bothered by my seeming callousness in forgetting. I am also wondering if others have any insight on such things. Hell, even the brutal truth would help set my mind at ease on the subject at this point.
