, Hopefully, God willing, the actual report about my mom will be positive on Friday.
My whole year plus of worrying about my mom constantly, has made other terrible things that happened to me in 2010 go to the side.
As most people now, my relationships with both my father, and my best friend of 29 years, ended in 2010. I've already taken heat for rants about my father on here, and this post isnt about him. Truthfully, he has done so much to me, that I dont even miss talking to him. I have given him so many chances, and he is the same, so I know I'm better off without him. This post is about my former best friend.
For those that dont know the history: We both used to live in Westport, CT, and met there in JR high when we were 11 years old. We were friends for a while, then had some stupid childhood fight. We didnt talk for a bit, and then were "Civil". in school. In 1985, we went back together for good, and our friendship continued until November 2010, when as I posted before, it ended.
I moved to Fort Lee NJ when my parents split in 1989. I used to travel up to CT by car, and later train, even month to see him, and he came to my house as well. We would talk on the phone, always,. 2-3 times a week, so we were in each others lives all the time. This wasnt a friendship that was., "Oh we were friends for 30 years, once a year. We both know things about each other, that our families dont know.
He moved to Lancaster in 1997, to be near his parents. I wanted to get out of NJ to reduce my rent. My mom and I came down here to look for apts, and stayed with him, because he had always stayed in our places for 20 years.
His mother has always been a mean, miserable, judgemental person. She has a daughter and six grandchildren who she is one step from estranged from. She has always blamed me for "showing her daughter the way" because I have been estranged from my father for the greater part of the last 20 plus years.
She used to say the most outrageous and vicious things when I would visit her house in CT after my parents split. I used to bite my tounge, to perserve my relationship with him, because I knew he had a problem standing up to her.
When I visited Lancaster before I moved, my mom and i stayed with my now ex best friend, as he had stayed with us for years before. She saw my mom, and made horrible comments, and accused us of "using" him. My mom was outraged, and wrote her a letter expressing feelings. The bitch then said she didnt want to see us, as she didnt want to receive a letter from us. She has always been one of wanting to run everyone in the world, her way. She is truly a sick, evil woman.
When I moved here, I clearly said to my ex best friend: "Russell, I dont care what she says about me. I despise her. Shes your mother, and I would never tell you when to see her. As long as you see me, and dont listen to her, we wont have a problem".
I did see him, for 11 years, but it was only on a certain day. One of his days off, Wednesday or Thursday. He would see everyone else on every other day. I always invited him to join me with every friend i ever had. He never invited me with anyone else he knew, and segrgated me.. Even though I wasnt seeing his mother, she was STILL making comments about me, and even told him that "If he finds a girlfriend, he wont have to see me anymore". Ridiculous. People dont give up a three decade friendship because they meet someone.
He knew a lot of other people, but none of them were as close to him as me. I know things about him that no one else does.
Last fall, he did meet someone. Fine. In the 1990s he had an ex gf, who couldnt stand me, and who I couldnt stand. I used to see her whenever I saw him, to please him.
He always had a schedule of seeing his parents twice a week. Long ago, his mother had come up with: "If you meet someone, you;ll see your father and I twice a week, and the gf whenever, and Mitch for breakfast, hardly at all, or never".
Last October, when my mom was in the hospital for three weeks, he never visited or called.
Finally, in November, he began making it clear that he was going to give me no time. He would see his parents twice a week, the gf whenever, and me for breakfast, maybe. With all I was going through, with him listening to her, and not standing up to her, and running our friendship, I got fed up, and told him if this was how it was going to be, it should be over, that it would be best, because he wouldnt have to listen to his mother carry one about me anymore.
This changed my whole life, as this wasnt someone who I used to see once a year. He was in my life, every week, for hours on end.
After this happened, he put me on ignore on Facebook.
I havent had much time to think about him over the past 11 months, because of my mom, the time in NJ, my seizure, etc. It did bother me, though.
Now that she is on the mend, it is gnawing at me some. When it first happened, it was terrible. We used to talk every Thursday at 8am, and spend,.. 6 to 8 hrs together every week.
My mom says "You should be over him". How casn anyone set a time limit to "get over" someone you loved like a brother. I was friends with my friend Adam for six years in the 80s, until we had the 20 years split, before getting back together in 2010. He told me he thought about me for 20 years.
Russell isnt the type of person one can work anything out with. For those thinking., "I should call or write to him". Instead of looking at what he did to cause me to have to part from him, by listening to his evil mother, and realizing he needed to work through things, he would tell me it was my fault, and wouldnt want to talk to me. Plus, I wouldnt want him to know about all the things that happened to me this year. (My seizure and almost dying, my mom's many hospitalizations, my long stay in NJ).
Then, to boot, my assistant the asshole keeps asking me about him, and not because he means well. Just two days ago, he asked me if I heard from Russell. I keep telling the Son of a Bitch. "No, Ray, its over, I dont want to talk about him".
So, my question is: How long should it take one to get over a loss of someone who was part of their life, always, for three quarters of their life, and who they loved like a brother. I believe that at some point, Russell cared about me as much as he could, but, I dont believe he misses me that much, with as much as my mom and I cared about him. She treated him like a second child. In Russell's mind, I think he is happy that I'm out of his life, just so that he has no "problems" with his mother, and she doesnt go off about me anymore. Even though I was afraid of my father as a child, I have stood up to him all my adult life, and never let him run me. Russell could never do that.
Anyhow, thats it. While its "better", and not as excruciating as last November, it still bothers me. I'm wondering how long it takes to get over the end of a relationship with someone, who you loved like a brother, and more than any friend you ever had. Someone you took vacations with, and told all your secrets to, and whose secrets you knew.
Mitch
My whole year plus of worrying about my mom constantly, has made other terrible things that happened to me in 2010 go to the side.
As most people now, my relationships with both my father, and my best friend of 29 years, ended in 2010. I've already taken heat for rants about my father on here, and this post isnt about him. Truthfully, he has done so much to me, that I dont even miss talking to him. I have given him so many chances, and he is the same, so I know I'm better off without him. This post is about my former best friend.
For those that dont know the history: We both used to live in Westport, CT, and met there in JR high when we were 11 years old. We were friends for a while, then had some stupid childhood fight. We didnt talk for a bit, and then were "Civil". in school. In 1985, we went back together for good, and our friendship continued until November 2010, when as I posted before, it ended.
I moved to Fort Lee NJ when my parents split in 1989. I used to travel up to CT by car, and later train, even month to see him, and he came to my house as well. We would talk on the phone, always,. 2-3 times a week, so we were in each others lives all the time. This wasnt a friendship that was., "Oh we were friends for 30 years, once a year. We both know things about each other, that our families dont know.
He moved to Lancaster in 1997, to be near his parents. I wanted to get out of NJ to reduce my rent. My mom and I came down here to look for apts, and stayed with him, because he had always stayed in our places for 20 years.
His mother has always been a mean, miserable, judgemental person. She has a daughter and six grandchildren who she is one step from estranged from. She has always blamed me for "showing her daughter the way" because I have been estranged from my father for the greater part of the last 20 plus years.
She used to say the most outrageous and vicious things when I would visit her house in CT after my parents split. I used to bite my tounge, to perserve my relationship with him, because I knew he had a problem standing up to her.
When I visited Lancaster before I moved, my mom and i stayed with my now ex best friend, as he had stayed with us for years before. She saw my mom, and made horrible comments, and accused us of "using" him. My mom was outraged, and wrote her a letter expressing feelings. The bitch then said she didnt want to see us, as she didnt want to receive a letter from us. She has always been one of wanting to run everyone in the world, her way. She is truly a sick, evil woman.
When I moved here, I clearly said to my ex best friend: "Russell, I dont care what she says about me. I despise her. Shes your mother, and I would never tell you when to see her. As long as you see me, and dont listen to her, we wont have a problem".
I did see him, for 11 years, but it was only on a certain day. One of his days off, Wednesday or Thursday. He would see everyone else on every other day. I always invited him to join me with every friend i ever had. He never invited me with anyone else he knew, and segrgated me.. Even though I wasnt seeing his mother, she was STILL making comments about me, and even told him that "If he finds a girlfriend, he wont have to see me anymore". Ridiculous. People dont give up a three decade friendship because they meet someone.
He knew a lot of other people, but none of them were as close to him as me. I know things about him that no one else does.
Last fall, he did meet someone. Fine. In the 1990s he had an ex gf, who couldnt stand me, and who I couldnt stand. I used to see her whenever I saw him, to please him.
He always had a schedule of seeing his parents twice a week. Long ago, his mother had come up with: "If you meet someone, you;ll see your father and I twice a week, and the gf whenever, and Mitch for breakfast, hardly at all, or never".
Last October, when my mom was in the hospital for three weeks, he never visited or called.
Finally, in November, he began making it clear that he was going to give me no time. He would see his parents twice a week, the gf whenever, and me for breakfast, maybe. With all I was going through, with him listening to her, and not standing up to her, and running our friendship, I got fed up, and told him if this was how it was going to be, it should be over, that it would be best, because he wouldnt have to listen to his mother carry one about me anymore.
This changed my whole life, as this wasnt someone who I used to see once a year. He was in my life, every week, for hours on end.
After this happened, he put me on ignore on Facebook.
I havent had much time to think about him over the past 11 months, because of my mom, the time in NJ, my seizure, etc. It did bother me, though.
Now that she is on the mend, it is gnawing at me some. When it first happened, it was terrible. We used to talk every Thursday at 8am, and spend,.. 6 to 8 hrs together every week.
My mom says "You should be over him". How casn anyone set a time limit to "get over" someone you loved like a brother. I was friends with my friend Adam for six years in the 80s, until we had the 20 years split, before getting back together in 2010. He told me he thought about me for 20 years.
Russell isnt the type of person one can work anything out with. For those thinking., "I should call or write to him". Instead of looking at what he did to cause me to have to part from him, by listening to his evil mother, and realizing he needed to work through things, he would tell me it was my fault, and wouldnt want to talk to me. Plus, I wouldnt want him to know about all the things that happened to me this year. (My seizure and almost dying, my mom's many hospitalizations, my long stay in NJ).
Then, to boot, my assistant the asshole keeps asking me about him, and not because he means well. Just two days ago, he asked me if I heard from Russell. I keep telling the Son of a Bitch. "No, Ray, its over, I dont want to talk about him".
So, my question is: How long should it take one to get over a loss of someone who was part of their life, always, for three quarters of their life, and who they loved like a brother. I believe that at some point, Russell cared about me as much as he could, but, I dont believe he misses me that much, with as much as my mom and I cared about him. She treated him like a second child. In Russell's mind, I think he is happy that I'm out of his life, just so that he has no "problems" with his mother, and she doesnt go off about me anymore. Even though I was afraid of my father as a child, I have stood up to him all my adult life, and never let him run me. Russell could never do that.
Anyhow, thats it. While its "better", and not as excruciating as last November, it still bothers me. I'm wondering how long it takes to get over the end of a relationship with someone, who you loved like a brother, and more than any friend you ever had. Someone you took vacations with, and told all your secrets to, and whose secrets you knew.
Mitch
