Have fun while you can..life is super short..i hear complaints about people being silly and whatnot..well let me tell you why i deserve to be silly and to have fun...and this is not a brag blog by any means..
I lost my first baby in the late summer of 84..after lying in bed all summer in order to protect the baby, the minute i got up, after being told it was safe..i lost it..i lost my second baby the following year..my third baby i had to carry inside me dead for an entire week, because it would make the delivery easier on me..imagine..walking around with a dead baby just hanging there inside you..it took me two years to get over this..and believe me..i did not laugh much during that time..
My mother's first bout with depression lasted two god awful years..a bit after i lost my last baby..at the end of the second year, she finally was put into a mental hospital..the following day, my dad..my dad who had never been admitted into a hospital as long as i had been alive..was admitted with unexplained horrible pain in his right side..now here was a dilemma..do i visit dad..who is in the hospital in one town..or my mother, who is in the intensive care unit of a mental hospital..that visit i dreaded..as she looked like something out of your worst nightmares..i ended up visiting both of course..dad was eventually diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma...mom diagnosed as a depressive with delusions..
My dad died about two years following his diagnosis..died at my home..i would watch him sucking on a popsicle and wondering what he was thinking..i watched him take his last breath..my dad..my father..my hero..
The summer before mom died, she was admitted into the hospital for refusing to eat, or take her meds..it was up to me to have her declared incompetent..and hence she was transferred to Chestnut Ridge..a mental hospital..once again in intensive care..down to eighty some pounds..it was my decision and my decision alone to approve shock treatments..which they felt was the only thing to bring her back..no one in my family was of any help..except David of course..well i knew her thoughts on shock treatment..she had watched The Snake Pit..but i said yes to the treatments..i mean it was that or transfer her to a nursing home to slowly starve to death..the shock treatments worked..in fact they said she was a poster child for successful treatment...however once a month she would have to continue these treatments..she decided the following spring to once again quit eating and taking her meds..admitted to the regular hospital..the mental hospital could not take her back..as she had refused all treatments..took her two months to die..68 pounds at death..
The following spring after her death..i was forced into major surgery to have my uterus removed, which was the size of a cantaloupe..and one ovary...i kept putting it off you see..until the uterus blocked my urethra and i couldn't pee..then it became necessary if i wished to live..
Two years ago, i had to have my left wisdom tooth surgically removed..neither the oral surgeon or i wished this..but we had no choice..at my age and being female the risks involved were horrific..and all came true except the jaw breaking..lol..two weeks after the horrible ordeal..in which i was swollen for weeks..my back tooth breaks in half..and i have to have it removed..i think after this i'm in the clear right? no...i managed to get an infection that is so rare, that the oral surgeon had never encountered it, and in fact said it really hadn't occurred much since the second world war..wow i was so lucky..i had to be on anti biotics for a year..if not..it could seriously deform my jaw..i'm all better now...and he wrote a paper on my mouth lol...in fact..he and i both hope that the right wisdom tooth..which is also impacted..cause no problems during both of our lifetimes..
So..i had plenty of reasons to be bitter..morose...negative..these things i listed were just the icing on the cake..there were other things that happened but i don't care to go into all that..this blog is long enough now..
What i'm trying to say is this..damn have fun..i am happy..i love life..i like having fun..i don't care to be serious all the damn time..i deserve fun..i deserve happiness..and that in and of itself is a revelation for me..
I lost my first baby in the late summer of 84..after lying in bed all summer in order to protect the baby, the minute i got up, after being told it was safe..i lost it..i lost my second baby the following year..my third baby i had to carry inside me dead for an entire week, because it would make the delivery easier on me..imagine..walking around with a dead baby just hanging there inside you..it took me two years to get over this..and believe me..i did not laugh much during that time..
My mother's first bout with depression lasted two god awful years..a bit after i lost my last baby..at the end of the second year, she finally was put into a mental hospital..the following day, my dad..my dad who had never been admitted into a hospital as long as i had been alive..was admitted with unexplained horrible pain in his right side..now here was a dilemma..do i visit dad..who is in the hospital in one town..or my mother, who is in the intensive care unit of a mental hospital..that visit i dreaded..as she looked like something out of your worst nightmares..i ended up visiting both of course..dad was eventually diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma...mom diagnosed as a depressive with delusions..
My dad died about two years following his diagnosis..died at my home..i would watch him sucking on a popsicle and wondering what he was thinking..i watched him take his last breath..my dad..my father..my hero..
The summer before mom died, she was admitted into the hospital for refusing to eat, or take her meds..it was up to me to have her declared incompetent..and hence she was transferred to Chestnut Ridge..a mental hospital..once again in intensive care..down to eighty some pounds..it was my decision and my decision alone to approve shock treatments..which they felt was the only thing to bring her back..no one in my family was of any help..except David of course..well i knew her thoughts on shock treatment..she had watched The Snake Pit..but i said yes to the treatments..i mean it was that or transfer her to a nursing home to slowly starve to death..the shock treatments worked..in fact they said she was a poster child for successful treatment...however once a month she would have to continue these treatments..she decided the following spring to once again quit eating and taking her meds..admitted to the regular hospital..the mental hospital could not take her back..as she had refused all treatments..took her two months to die..68 pounds at death..
The following spring after her death..i was forced into major surgery to have my uterus removed, which was the size of a cantaloupe..and one ovary...i kept putting it off you see..until the uterus blocked my urethra and i couldn't pee..then it became necessary if i wished to live..
Two years ago, i had to have my left wisdom tooth surgically removed..neither the oral surgeon or i wished this..but we had no choice..at my age and being female the risks involved were horrific..and all came true except the jaw breaking..lol..two weeks after the horrible ordeal..in which i was swollen for weeks..my back tooth breaks in half..and i have to have it removed..i think after this i'm in the clear right? no...i managed to get an infection that is so rare, that the oral surgeon had never encountered it, and in fact said it really hadn't occurred much since the second world war..wow i was so lucky..i had to be on anti biotics for a year..if not..it could seriously deform my jaw..i'm all better now...and he wrote a paper on my mouth lol...in fact..he and i both hope that the right wisdom tooth..which is also impacted..cause no problems during both of our lifetimes..
So..i had plenty of reasons to be bitter..morose...negative..these things i listed were just the icing on the cake..there were other things that happened but i don't care to go into all that..this blog is long enough now..
What i'm trying to say is this..damn have fun..i am happy..i love life..i like having fun..i don't care to be serious all the damn time..i deserve fun..i deserve happiness..and that in and of itself is a revelation for me..
