I thought I did ... I really loved love with all my heart and soul. But I was wrong. Love is not real. It's just a word. It has no meaning attached to it whatsoever. It's all a bunch of bullshit made up by fucking Hallmark and other silly card makers out to earn some extra $$$$ and make you buy candies and teddy bears and diamond necklaces for "the love of your life". HAHAHAHHA! Waste of your fucking money. Oh so what they will be happy with you because you surprised them with some lovely flowers and cute teddy bear that is holding a heart that says those famous three words: I love you! ? Are you then going to get some mind blowing SEX? Yeahhh. I bet you will. Because they love you. They only think about you. You are perfect for them. It's love.
Nope. Love does not exist. I've seen it die way too many times. And no it doesn't just die peacefully in it's sleep. Love dies the most painful and horrible death imaginable. You know why? Because love SUCKS. It's fuckin awful. Love makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. Love messes with your brain and changes you. Love hurts you. Love manipulates you. Love blinds you. Love breaks your heart -- it breaks the one thing that keeps you alive.
So I am sitting here asking myself, "Why even bother?" I mean seriously what is the point? "Oh but Amy... love will open you up to new experiences and la la la la LA!" Bullshit it will. What will love help me achieve? In the end it always just dies. Dad and mom: divorced. Dad: re-married and divorced again. Mom: re-married and divorced again. Uncle Bob: Divorced and re-married again. Uncle Tony: died without ever being married or in love with anyone. Best friend: Broken heart over 2 year relationship. And let's not even name all the people who have committed SUICIDE over love. Yeah... I'm just not seeing any positives here. Why the HELL would I want to believe in this so called "love" when all I see it doing is hurting people to extreme measures.
I'm basically missing out on nothing. I can honestly say it is better to never love at all then to have love and lost. Why the FUCK would I want to go through heartbreak? What? So it will teach me something about life? So.. getting hurt = happiness. Because what I'm getting from the whole getting your heart broken in 2 pieces is that it freakin SUCKS. I thought I wanted a relationship. I really did. But I was wrong. I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything. I'd rather live alone with my paints and a rocking chair. I'd rather do ANYTHING then give my heart to someone and watch it get used, abused, stomped on, spit on, jumped on, torn, burnt, slapped, stabbed, shot... I could keep going.
When I was on MySpace [forever ago] there was a bulletin going around that was talking about love ... well I re-wrote it so it stated the TRUTH. I wrote this on December 3, 2006. Here it is:
HIM
will lead you on until you're head over heels.
HIM
will make you love him for all he is and then drop you.
HIM
will call every night until "things just start moving too fast".
HIM
will treat you like you mean the world to him...until things get too awkward.
HIM
will never IM you again.
HIM
will go out of his way in the hallways just so he never has to see you again.
HIM
will be the nicest, sweetest guy to everyone...besides you.
HIM
will look at you, but never actually talk to you first.
HIM
will care about the one person who couldn't care less about him.
HIM
will never understand how much you love him, even if he doesn't love you back.
HIM
will talk about you behind your back...telling lies to save himself.
HIM
will never write back to your e-mails or notes that you give him.
HIM
will forget about all the good memories, and only focus on the bad.
HIM
will cheat on you like none other.
HIM
will forget you ever existed...like you have no feelings.
HIM
will not even give you a second look if you don't have big boobs and the perfect body.
HIM
will pretend like everything is okay even though he knows its not.
HIM
will deny he ever had any feelings for you because he's that low.
HIM
will talk to you out of pity.
HIM
will forget the little things that mean so much to you.
HIM
will use you for...sex, money, drugs, other girls etc etc etc...
HIM
will never keep his promises.
HIM
in the end...will break your heart.
Yup. So that's basically all I have to say about that. Love is gone forever ... and THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT! I will never give my heart to anyone ever again. And if I have to see one of my friends get hurt one more fuckin time from this thing called "love" I will stab somebody in the fuckin heart. Oh, and sure you can have love for your friends. I'm talking about a different kind of "love" ... bleh. I hate that word now. I'll just call love "fuck". Love = fuck, and that's that.
And ... one more thing:
Please no comments about how I am only 19 and I still have yet to find "fuck". I know how old I am and I don't need to be reminded of that. I can believe what ever the hell I want at any age I want.
Nope. Love does not exist. I've seen it die way too many times. And no it doesn't just die peacefully in it's sleep. Love dies the most painful and horrible death imaginable. You know why? Because love SUCKS. It's fuckin awful. Love makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. Love messes with your brain and changes you. Love hurts you. Love manipulates you. Love blinds you. Love breaks your heart -- it breaks the one thing that keeps you alive.
So I am sitting here asking myself, "Why even bother?" I mean seriously what is the point? "Oh but Amy... love will open you up to new experiences and la la la la LA!" Bullshit it will. What will love help me achieve? In the end it always just dies. Dad and mom: divorced. Dad: re-married and divorced again. Mom: re-married and divorced again. Uncle Bob: Divorced and re-married again. Uncle Tony: died without ever being married or in love with anyone. Best friend: Broken heart over 2 year relationship. And let's not even name all the people who have committed SUICIDE over love. Yeah... I'm just not seeing any positives here. Why the HELL would I want to believe in this so called "love" when all I see it doing is hurting people to extreme measures.
I'm basically missing out on nothing. I can honestly say it is better to never love at all then to have love and lost. Why the FUCK would I want to go through heartbreak? What? So it will teach me something about life? So.. getting hurt = happiness. Because what I'm getting from the whole getting your heart broken in 2 pieces is that it freakin SUCKS. I thought I wanted a relationship. I really did. But I was wrong. I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything. I'd rather live alone with my paints and a rocking chair. I'd rather do ANYTHING then give my heart to someone and watch it get used, abused, stomped on, spit on, jumped on, torn, burnt, slapped, stabbed, shot... I could keep going.
When I was on MySpace [forever ago] there was a bulletin going around that was talking about love ... well I re-wrote it so it stated the TRUTH. I wrote this on December 3, 2006. Here it is:
HIM
will lead you on until you're head over heels.
HIM
will make you love him for all he is and then drop you.
HIM
will call every night until "things just start moving too fast".
HIM
will treat you like you mean the world to him...until things get too awkward.
HIM
will never IM you again.
HIM
will go out of his way in the hallways just so he never has to see you again.
HIM
will be the nicest, sweetest guy to everyone...besides you.
HIM
will look at you, but never actually talk to you first.
HIM
will care about the one person who couldn't care less about him.
HIM
will never understand how much you love him, even if he doesn't love you back.
HIM
will talk about you behind your back...telling lies to save himself.
HIM
will never write back to your e-mails or notes that you give him.
HIM
will forget about all the good memories, and only focus on the bad.
HIM
will cheat on you like none other.
HIM
will forget you ever existed...like you have no feelings.
HIM
will not even give you a second look if you don't have big boobs and the perfect body.
HIM
will pretend like everything is okay even though he knows its not.
HIM
will deny he ever had any feelings for you because he's that low.
HIM
will talk to you out of pity.
HIM
will forget the little things that mean so much to you.
HIM
will use you for...sex, money, drugs, other girls etc etc etc...
HIM
will never keep his promises.
HIM
in the end...will break your heart.
Yup. So that's basically all I have to say about that. Love is gone forever ... and THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT! I will never give my heart to anyone ever again. And if I have to see one of my friends get hurt one more fuckin time from this thing called "love" I will stab somebody in the fuckin heart. Oh, and sure you can have love for your friends. I'm talking about a different kind of "love" ... bleh. I hate that word now. I'll just call love "fuck". Love = fuck, and that's that.
And ... one more thing:
Please no comments about how I am only 19 and I still have yet to find "fuck". I know how old I am and I don't need to be reminded of that. I can believe what ever the hell I want at any age I want.
- So...yeah.
Wednesday, August 3rd 2011
6:06PM
Been at...