I feel so bleh and I just want to write about it, but I don't know what to write because I'm not really feeling anything but bleh.
Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just give up-- which is basically what I am doing anyways. Everyday I stay up in my room, lay in my bed, eat, and watch TV. This is seriously the life I'm living .. it's not even considered a life. I can't see how this would even be categorized as a "life". This is pathetic. I am pathetic. And then I think I can fix myself. I can make this better. But then I just ... don't. I give up too easily or maybe I just don't care enough. I don't know. But no matter what I do, say, think, or feel I just can't make myself motivated or even happy.
Going back to school would be a waste of money. I have no idea what I would do there. I have no passion for anything anymore. And even if I did want to go back to school my mom says I'm not ready. She is probably right. And it would be her money.. so ...
I can't get a job for God knows what reason. I tried. I applied to so many places and told them I would take any job with any hours on any day. No idea what I'm doing wrong here. But the only way I'm getting any money is by cutting the grass for $50. Better than nothing, right? Sure ...
I thought getting in contact with Dustin again would make me happier. It did. For a while anyways. Until he just stopped messaging me 2 or so weeks ago. I'm so apathetic about it... I don't regret getting in contact with him again because I knew I needed to do it ... but at the same time I have to realize that we will never be friends again. I don't know when I'm going to realize this ... but hopefully it will be sooner rather than later. Right?...
Just found out this girl [who I used to consider a best friend back in high school but have not spoken to her since May 2007] just recently tried to make me lose one of my best friends. You see my friend and I got into this stupid fight over a difference of opinion and she finds this out and immediately sends him a message telling him that he will be happier without me in his life and tells him how happy she is now that we haven't been friends. I think she is literally insane. He messaged her back telling her he hopes she is wrong ... but that is besides the point. I have completely left this girl alone since our falling out and yet she is still trying to screw up my life. Does that make sense to anyone? Because I do not get that at all...
Ugh. Whatever. Things will get better. Eventually. I'm just overreacting ... over-thinking ... but for some reason whenever I try to pick myself up again I just fall back down. Whyyy can't I just be one of those people that is ALWAYS happy? I know I let the little things get to me .. but I can't just STOP letting that stuff effect me no matter how stupid it sounds.
klhycfviugui98iufyihkjkjk,
Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just give up-- which is basically what I am doing anyways. Everyday I stay up in my room, lay in my bed, eat, and watch TV. This is seriously the life I'm living .. it's not even considered a life. I can't see how this would even be categorized as a "life". This is pathetic. I am pathetic. And then I think I can fix myself. I can make this better. But then I just ... don't. I give up too easily or maybe I just don't care enough. I don't know. But no matter what I do, say, think, or feel I just can't make myself motivated or even happy.
Going back to school would be a waste of money. I have no idea what I would do there. I have no passion for anything anymore. And even if I did want to go back to school my mom says I'm not ready. She is probably right. And it would be her money.. so ...
I can't get a job for God knows what reason. I tried. I applied to so many places and told them I would take any job with any hours on any day. No idea what I'm doing wrong here. But the only way I'm getting any money is by cutting the grass for $50. Better than nothing, right? Sure ...
I thought getting in contact with Dustin again would make me happier. It did. For a while anyways. Until he just stopped messaging me 2 or so weeks ago. I'm so apathetic about it... I don't regret getting in contact with him again because I knew I needed to do it ... but at the same time I have to realize that we will never be friends again. I don't know when I'm going to realize this ... but hopefully it will be sooner rather than later. Right?...
Just found out this girl [who I used to consider a best friend back in high school but have not spoken to her since May 2007] just recently tried to make me lose one of my best friends. You see my friend and I got into this stupid fight over a difference of opinion and she finds this out and immediately sends him a message telling him that he will be happier without me in his life and tells him how happy she is now that we haven't been friends. I think she is literally insane. He messaged her back telling her he hopes she is wrong ... but that is besides the point. I have completely left this girl alone since our falling out and yet she is still trying to screw up my life. Does that make sense to anyone? Because I do not get that at all...
Ugh. Whatever. Things will get better. Eventually. I'm just overreacting ... over-thinking ... but for some reason whenever I try to pick myself up again I just fall back down. Whyyy can't I just be one of those people that is ALWAYS happy? I know I let the little things get to me .. but I can't just STOP letting that stuff effect me no matter how stupid it sounds.
klhycfviugui98iufyihkjkjk,
- So...yeah.
Wednesday, August 3rd 2011
6:06PM
Been at...