The title of this blog entry is the card my mom seems to be playing with me, and it's wearing on me, every day.
As most people who read my post in the main forum know, my mom had a long hospital stay, almost two weeks. Since she got home, things seem to have worsened.
Her hair is almost gone, and she has ordered two wigs. She is on predisone, and the medicine has made her whole body feel sore, and her personality change. (I hope her personality change is from the medicine, and it's not permanent).
She picks fights with me, over the littlest things. KFC got an order wrong earlier this week, so she went ballistic at me. Tonight, one of my R/L friends asked me how she was, and I told him about her hair, and the fact that she was not happy about a wig she got, and had to get another one. She started screaming "Why do you tell all your friends my personal business". I was like "Mom, you have cancer, you're on chemo, everyone knows you lose your hair. No big secret".
The most comical thing is when she threatens to throw me out. While she can cook for herself, I take out her garbage, clean her apartment, do her food shopping, and carry all her packages, including her purse. If I wasn't here, she couldnt even walk up the stairs.
Then, my assistant is acting like a complete asshole, as usual. He is currently away on a week's vacation to his place in Florida. We need to go up to NJ this week to see the doctor, and, after having had a week's vacation, the Son of a Bitch told us not to make the appointment for Tuesday, because his grandson has a football game. He must have said this to me ten fucking times while she was in the hospital. He is very abusive, and I told her to fire the fat fuck while he is away in Florida, but she wont. When we get into arguments about him, her threat to me is that she's going to stop going for treatment, and die. Nice. All because I am tired of putting up with abuse from a scumbag who has acted like an asshole for 11 years.
I'm at my wits end. My mom picks fights with everyone, including my aunt. My aunt told me that she feels sorry for me, having to put up with my mom's outbursts. My mom's attitude is "I have cancer, so I get to treat my son, who is also my caretaker, like shit". I remind her that in addition to dealing with my mom's cancer, and feeling terrible about that, I also got dumped by my father this year. She has mixed reactions to that. Sometimes she told me she wants to kick his ass for doing it to me, and other times she tells me to grow up, and that getting dumped by your father, when your mother has cancer, is nothing. Nice.
I want my mom to take treatment, and live.. for a long time. However, many times I dont see my mom anymore. It's like.. she is someone else. My mom was a sweet, caring woman, who loved everyone in her family. This person I'm living with, while she shows signs of that, is a fight picker.
I will not leave her. It is my responsibility as her son, to care for her, until, God Forbid, the end. I dont know what the legalities are, but, the only way she is going to get rid of me, is to get the cops to get me out.
What makes this whole thing worse, is that I dont have a father to support me. He talked to me for a whole year, and then bailed on me, at the worst time of my life. If he was worth the penalty I'd receive, I want to knock the Son of a Bitch into next week. My plan is just to stay away from him. He's not talking to me anyway, and ignores my emails, which is fine with me.
I know my mom is going through Hell. I've been to every chemo treatment, every hospital visit, and every Dr appt with her. I'm heartbroken for what she is going through. I just wish she didnt feel she had to act abusively to her son because of it. I'll deal with it if I have to, because I have a strong feeling it may not get better, and may well get worse, if the treatment doesnt shrink the tumors, and if her condition God Forbid deteriorates.
As most people who read my post in the main forum know, my mom had a long hospital stay, almost two weeks. Since she got home, things seem to have worsened.
Her hair is almost gone, and she has ordered two wigs. She is on predisone, and the medicine has made her whole body feel sore, and her personality change. (I hope her personality change is from the medicine, and it's not permanent).
She picks fights with me, over the littlest things. KFC got an order wrong earlier this week, so she went ballistic at me. Tonight, one of my R/L friends asked me how she was, and I told him about her hair, and the fact that she was not happy about a wig she got, and had to get another one. She started screaming "Why do you tell all your friends my personal business". I was like "Mom, you have cancer, you're on chemo, everyone knows you lose your hair. No big secret".
The most comical thing is when she threatens to throw me out. While she can cook for herself, I take out her garbage, clean her apartment, do her food shopping, and carry all her packages, including her purse. If I wasn't here, she couldnt even walk up the stairs.
Then, my assistant is acting like a complete asshole, as usual. He is currently away on a week's vacation to his place in Florida. We need to go up to NJ this week to see the doctor, and, after having had a week's vacation, the Son of a Bitch told us not to make the appointment for Tuesday, because his grandson has a football game. He must have said this to me ten fucking times while she was in the hospital. He is very abusive, and I told her to fire the fat fuck while he is away in Florida, but she wont. When we get into arguments about him, her threat to me is that she's going to stop going for treatment, and die. Nice. All because I am tired of putting up with abuse from a scumbag who has acted like an asshole for 11 years.
I'm at my wits end. My mom picks fights with everyone, including my aunt. My aunt told me that she feels sorry for me, having to put up with my mom's outbursts. My mom's attitude is "I have cancer, so I get to treat my son, who is also my caretaker, like shit". I remind her that in addition to dealing with my mom's cancer, and feeling terrible about that, I also got dumped by my father this year. She has mixed reactions to that. Sometimes she told me she wants to kick his ass for doing it to me, and other times she tells me to grow up, and that getting dumped by your father, when your mother has cancer, is nothing. Nice.
I want my mom to take treatment, and live.. for a long time. However, many times I dont see my mom anymore. It's like.. she is someone else. My mom was a sweet, caring woman, who loved everyone in her family. This person I'm living with, while she shows signs of that, is a fight picker.
I will not leave her. It is my responsibility as her son, to care for her, until, God Forbid, the end. I dont know what the legalities are, but, the only way she is going to get rid of me, is to get the cops to get me out.
What makes this whole thing worse, is that I dont have a father to support me. He talked to me for a whole year, and then bailed on me, at the worst time of my life. If he was worth the penalty I'd receive, I want to knock the Son of a Bitch into next week. My plan is just to stay away from him. He's not talking to me anyway, and ignores my emails, which is fine with me.
I know my mom is going through Hell. I've been to every chemo treatment, every hospital visit, and every Dr appt with her. I'm heartbroken for what she is going through. I just wish she didnt feel she had to act abusively to her son because of it. I'll deal with it if I have to, because I have a strong feeling it may not get better, and may well get worse, if the treatment doesnt shrink the tumors, and if her condition God Forbid deteriorates.
