It just dawned on me what is really bothering me.. The "Very bottom line", as my mom used to say..
I have undergone such major changes in the past six months, from having the opportunity to take my insurance exam.. to the training.. pitfalls of taking the exam.. the failures I had, finally passing the exam.. and now working for Aflac, and trying to get clients.
When I've embarked on businesses or career choices in the past, my mom was always there to discuss my choices with me, and often times.. helped me to make decisions, and provided emotional support. As I've gone through the journey of passing the exam,,. starting with Aflac, whatever trainings, and rejections I've had, I've had no emotional support from my father whatsoever.. He's been completely absent, except for a couple of lunches or dinners for an hour at a time over the past three months.
I passed the exam on December 30th. Since,. Christmas.. I have seen my father for a total of less than a half a day. He's been in Anguilla, Florida, Vegas.. etc etc.
I want to make 100% clear that I am in no way "Jealous" of where he goes. I simply don't give a shit. Bottom line.. the man runs away from himself, and his true problems.
Except for.. one lunch.. two weeks ago.. for an hour.. to discuss certain things.. he simply hasn't been around as I was taking my exam.. joining Aflac, and undergoing this journey.
He;s coming home tomorrow.. for supposedly.. a week. BFD. Another meaningless hour lunch in which he can shoot his mouth off, and patronize me.. telling me how he "Gives me credit for my effort". Bullshit meaningless lip service.
I also think it might have been.,.. nice.. had he invited me to Florida for the weekend. This is a man who has been to every country in the world in the two plus years I';m back with him, and before. He didn't think that maybe his son could have used.. a weekend away from the stress.
When I expressed this feeling to my aunt the artist the bitch.. she made nothing out of it, because "Her problems are worse". Fuck her. She wont be having me as her sounding board to listen to her bullshit anymore. I'm going to give her as much consideration and understanding as she gives me, which is none. .
I just want to be free. I want to catch some break.. and get a big client.. so I can pay everything myself.. so I can just be free of my relatives, and tell them all to go to hell. As to why my father pays my rent, simple.. he likes to have the control. I'd love to have the warewithal to pay him back every last penny he'[s laid out for me.
I know for a fact that even if my mom were alive, well, and able to travel.. she would not have been absentee for three months, at a time when I had undergone such a major change. She would have made sure to have been on the scene,. and certainly to see me for more than an hour at a time.
"God helps those who help themselves". Fine.. He didn't help my mom and me when she went through such suffering to take treatment, and when we uprooted our lives for three months to be with the Dr she wanted to be with. He took her very quickly. much to my father';s and many other peoples delights.
If the saying really is true.. then he will help me to become successful in this business.. so I can just tell my relatives to go to hell.
Regarding the situation with my father.. I think Cheryl is part of the problem,. I have no doubt based on her discussion with me two weeks ago.. that she is doing everything in her power to be sure he spends as little time with me as possible. She also has a design that I should have a minimum wage job, and not have any right to success. This is a woman who married my father when we were estranged, so I don't delude myself to think that my feelings, or plans for success mean anything to her.
I wonder why it is that all the evil people I know get everything they want. No doubt, my father, my uncle, and likely Cheryl too, were thrilled when my mom suffered and died, both because of how she suffered, and how it affected me.
Even if I didn't need my father anymore.. I';m not evil enough to wish him death. I just wish I could be free of him. I realize now that I was much happier when he and I weren't talking to each other.
All I want now is to have my hard work rewarded so I can be free. "God helps those who help themselves". Fine, let him help me become successful with my insurance business. If that happens, and I can be free of my relatives either through estrangement.. or having so little to do with them that they just don't matter.. I will feel like I have accomplished something.
I have undergone such major changes in the past six months, from having the opportunity to take my insurance exam.. to the training.. pitfalls of taking the exam.. the failures I had, finally passing the exam.. and now working for Aflac, and trying to get clients.
When I've embarked on businesses or career choices in the past, my mom was always there to discuss my choices with me, and often times.. helped me to make decisions, and provided emotional support. As I've gone through the journey of passing the exam,,. starting with Aflac, whatever trainings, and rejections I've had, I've had no emotional support from my father whatsoever.. He's been completely absent, except for a couple of lunches or dinners for an hour at a time over the past three months.
I passed the exam on December 30th. Since,. Christmas.. I have seen my father for a total of less than a half a day. He's been in Anguilla, Florida, Vegas.. etc etc.
I want to make 100% clear that I am in no way "Jealous" of where he goes. I simply don't give a shit. Bottom line.. the man runs away from himself, and his true problems.
Except for.. one lunch.. two weeks ago.. for an hour.. to discuss certain things.. he simply hasn't been around as I was taking my exam.. joining Aflac, and undergoing this journey.
He;s coming home tomorrow.. for supposedly.. a week. BFD. Another meaningless hour lunch in which he can shoot his mouth off, and patronize me.. telling me how he "Gives me credit for my effort". Bullshit meaningless lip service.
I also think it might have been.,.. nice.. had he invited me to Florida for the weekend. This is a man who has been to every country in the world in the two plus years I';m back with him, and before. He didn't think that maybe his son could have used.. a weekend away from the stress.
When I expressed this feeling to my aunt the artist the bitch.. she made nothing out of it, because "Her problems are worse". Fuck her. She wont be having me as her sounding board to listen to her bullshit anymore. I'm going to give her as much consideration and understanding as she gives me, which is none. .
I just want to be free. I want to catch some break.. and get a big client.. so I can pay everything myself.. so I can just be free of my relatives, and tell them all to go to hell. As to why my father pays my rent, simple.. he likes to have the control. I'd love to have the warewithal to pay him back every last penny he'[s laid out for me.
I know for a fact that even if my mom were alive, well, and able to travel.. she would not have been absentee for three months, at a time when I had undergone such a major change. She would have made sure to have been on the scene,. and certainly to see me for more than an hour at a time.
"God helps those who help themselves". Fine.. He didn't help my mom and me when she went through such suffering to take treatment, and when we uprooted our lives for three months to be with the Dr she wanted to be with. He took her very quickly. much to my father';s and many other peoples delights.
If the saying really is true.. then he will help me to become successful in this business.. so I can just tell my relatives to go to hell.
Regarding the situation with my father.. I think Cheryl is part of the problem,. I have no doubt based on her discussion with me two weeks ago.. that she is doing everything in her power to be sure he spends as little time with me as possible. She also has a design that I should have a minimum wage job, and not have any right to success. This is a woman who married my father when we were estranged, so I don't delude myself to think that my feelings, or plans for success mean anything to her.
I wonder why it is that all the evil people I know get everything they want. No doubt, my father, my uncle, and likely Cheryl too, were thrilled when my mom suffered and died, both because of how she suffered, and how it affected me.
Even if I didn't need my father anymore.. I';m not evil enough to wish him death. I just wish I could be free of him. I realize now that I was much happier when he and I weren't talking to each other.
All I want now is to have my hard work rewarded so I can be free. "God helps those who help themselves". Fine, let him help me become successful with my insurance business. If that happens, and I can be free of my relatives either through estrangement.. or having so little to do with them that they just don't matter.. I will feel like I have accomplished something.
