After all the back and forth in my blog, and unfortunately, and unintentionally, in the main forum, I figured out the bottom line of what is REALLY bothering me.
It has nothing to do with "Job", "Business" or even "Maria marrying another guy". All those things are resolvable. I can/will find a job. I can/will get a business started, and there are many other women besides Maria.
My problem is.. I'm dealing with my father's vicious treatment of me, which is.. ongoing, and getting worse, all alone, with no advocates whatsoever, and he has all the advocates.
His friends, family, etc, etc.. all believe.. wrongly..that he is 100% right, Mitch is a piece of shit, and Mitch is all wrong.. This is because.. they know nothing about what he really did to me, and I cant tell them, unless I want to lose my apartment, and all of my money.
As I think back, I saw him very little during the 22 plus years between the time that my mom and he separated, and when I moved to NY in June 2012. His time was spent with other people, with his back turned on me, not caring about my future, attacking me and my mom, always, and justifying everyone who attacked me.
His "Paying alimony" was a legal obligation. He claims he paid because of me, but, had he not paid, my mom had a wage execution order, due to his ongoing threats not to pay, that hopefully would have been enforced.
During the times I saw him, if I had a bad meeting with him.. or he did something to me, I always had my mom to come home and vent to. She would share my rage at how he treated me.
Now.. except for what I post on this blog.. there is no one.
My friends Barney and Adam don't like him, or his treatment of me, but I cant vent to them all the time.
My aunts.. basically don't want to hear it., They are two women with troubled lives, who believe that because I don't have to "live with him", what he does to me, "Really isn't so bad".
I don't have a gf, or significant other.. to support me emotionally.. or divert my attention.
Maria has gone on record by stating she is appalled by him.. but.. since she's going to marry another guy. it is just a matter of time.. before she's out of my life for good.
My father has.. everyone in his life who hates my guts, and always takes his side, even though they all know nothing.
Cheryl: Married him when we were estranged. My only plan is to be civil to her when I see her. She doesn't care how he treats me, and will always take his side.
My uncle: Even before this latest problem,.., long before this developed.. that SOB went on record as saying my father and I should be estranged, and that my father should have put my mom in the street. I hope to never talk to my uncle again. He had a second chance, and blew it badly.
His cousins: The cousin who attacked my mom.. 24 hours after my mom died.. and never contacted me once this whole year, and her children. My father says they "Want to talk to me" No doubt to rip me more.
His Friend Marvin.. The uncivilized fuck who didn't even contact me when my mom died. Only wanted to talk to me to no doubt rip me more.
Even if I went to a "Therapist".. it wouldn't solve my problem. My therapist in the 1980s, and my father's, told my father to go to analysis, to deal with my father's terrible treatment of me, and the issue of his being best friends with my worst enemies. My father didn t listen.
So,.... I have to deal with the Son of a Bitch on an ongoing basis, and have no one on my side. He knows it, and is taking full advantage of it.
He didn't.. apologize.,. or show any contrition for his vicious letter to me last week. He merely left for Vegas, and is being silent.
The only RX is to hopefully see him as little as possible, find whatever "job" I'm going to, and hopefully figure some way to build a business.
I'd love to be finished with him before I met anyone, but I know I cant control that. I don't plan to stop my life just because I see him and talk to him.
In the meantime.. I'll just have to deal with each incident as it comes.
When I first moved here.. I had hoped that my being civil to his family, and trying to forget his and their hurts to me of the past, would lead to us building a decent relationship where we spent time together, and made up for lost time. Now, especially as the situation deteriorates, I don't give a shit. If this man could rant on about what he thought was my mom's "Lashing out" at one of his friends, and not believing me, when he wasn't even there, and I was.. and then send me the letter he did.. I don't have to forgive him for everything. I despise him, and don't plan to change those feelings. Nor do I think he will do anything to change them. He doesn't give a shit.
The only RX: Focus on my goals, and deal with him as little as possible.
My "Going for therapy" wont help this., It wont change how he treats me, or my feelings about him.
Since I posted this in the blog, I would appreciate if any comments are not attacking, and civil.
It has nothing to do with "Job", "Business" or even "Maria marrying another guy". All those things are resolvable. I can/will find a job. I can/will get a business started, and there are many other women besides Maria.
My problem is.. I'm dealing with my father's vicious treatment of me, which is.. ongoing, and getting worse, all alone, with no advocates whatsoever, and he has all the advocates.
His friends, family, etc, etc.. all believe.. wrongly..that he is 100% right, Mitch is a piece of shit, and Mitch is all wrong.. This is because.. they know nothing about what he really did to me, and I cant tell them, unless I want to lose my apartment, and all of my money.
As I think back, I saw him very little during the 22 plus years between the time that my mom and he separated, and when I moved to NY in June 2012. His time was spent with other people, with his back turned on me, not caring about my future, attacking me and my mom, always, and justifying everyone who attacked me.
His "Paying alimony" was a legal obligation. He claims he paid because of me, but, had he not paid, my mom had a wage execution order, due to his ongoing threats not to pay, that hopefully would have been enforced.
During the times I saw him, if I had a bad meeting with him.. or he did something to me, I always had my mom to come home and vent to. She would share my rage at how he treated me.
Now.. except for what I post on this blog.. there is no one.
My friends Barney and Adam don't like him, or his treatment of me, but I cant vent to them all the time.
My aunts.. basically don't want to hear it., They are two women with troubled lives, who believe that because I don't have to "live with him", what he does to me, "Really isn't so bad".
I don't have a gf, or significant other.. to support me emotionally.. or divert my attention.
Maria has gone on record by stating she is appalled by him.. but.. since she's going to marry another guy. it is just a matter of time.. before she's out of my life for good.
My father has.. everyone in his life who hates my guts, and always takes his side, even though they all know nothing.
Cheryl: Married him when we were estranged. My only plan is to be civil to her when I see her. She doesn't care how he treats me, and will always take his side.
My uncle: Even before this latest problem,.., long before this developed.. that SOB went on record as saying my father and I should be estranged, and that my father should have put my mom in the street. I hope to never talk to my uncle again. He had a second chance, and blew it badly.
His cousins: The cousin who attacked my mom.. 24 hours after my mom died.. and never contacted me once this whole year, and her children. My father says they "Want to talk to me" No doubt to rip me more.
His Friend Marvin.. The uncivilized fuck who didn't even contact me when my mom died. Only wanted to talk to me to no doubt rip me more.
Even if I went to a "Therapist".. it wouldn't solve my problem. My therapist in the 1980s, and my father's, told my father to go to analysis, to deal with my father's terrible treatment of me, and the issue of his being best friends with my worst enemies. My father didn t listen.
So,.... I have to deal with the Son of a Bitch on an ongoing basis, and have no one on my side. He knows it, and is taking full advantage of it.
He didn't.. apologize.,. or show any contrition for his vicious letter to me last week. He merely left for Vegas, and is being silent.
The only RX is to hopefully see him as little as possible, find whatever "job" I'm going to, and hopefully figure some way to build a business.
I'd love to be finished with him before I met anyone, but I know I cant control that. I don't plan to stop my life just because I see him and talk to him.
In the meantime.. I'll just have to deal with each incident as it comes.
When I first moved here.. I had hoped that my being civil to his family, and trying to forget his and their hurts to me of the past, would lead to us building a decent relationship where we spent time together, and made up for lost time. Now, especially as the situation deteriorates, I don't give a shit. If this man could rant on about what he thought was my mom's "Lashing out" at one of his friends, and not believing me, when he wasn't even there, and I was.. and then send me the letter he did.. I don't have to forgive him for everything. I despise him, and don't plan to change those feelings. Nor do I think he will do anything to change them. He doesn't give a shit.
The only RX: Focus on my goals, and deal with him as little as possible.
My "Going for therapy" wont help this., It wont change how he treats me, or my feelings about him.
Since I posted this in the blog, I would appreciate if any comments are not attacking, and civil.
