That's what I am. Just a dumb girl.
With my heart shattering to pieces, that song immediately popped into my head. It fit exactly how I'm feeling because I'm feeling so fucking stupid right now.
I'm hurt.
I'm angry.
I'm disappointed.
And I don't know what to do.
My day started out good. I was having an awesome chat with natural then I got a phone call from Dan. He was rushed to the emergency room because he fainted and had seizure. So I rushed to the hospital to be with him.
Ok, so, Dan doesn't have a perfect past. He did something that landed him in prison. He was released last year on parole. I met Dan two months later and he was honest with me about his offense and all. Everything was going good these past few months with him finally finding a full time job and getting an apartment.
Anyway, Dan pretty much fucked up. He violated his parole but because he manned up to his mistakes, his PO worked with him and will only be going back to prison for 120 days. It could be worse; he could be going back for the remainder of his prison term.
After he was released from the hospital, he was taken to jail. Because he was going to jail and all, I came into possession his phone which will be his stepmom's phone until he gets out. Alice will take over for paying half of the phone bill.
I was going through his phone so to get it ready for Alice to use when I got a text message on his phone from a friend of his. She was with us at the hospital and was wondering if Dan had been released yet. I texted her back, letting her know that yeah, he's been released. Looking at Dan's text message inbox, I saw a whole bunch of text messages from this chick that Dan was supposedly friends with.
The way his inbox is set up, with each message it shows part of the message until you click on it to read it fully. I don't have a problem with Dan having female friends. I mean, I have male friends and I wouldn't want Dan to be jealous of or have a problem with them. But the partial messages I was seeing didn't make any sense to me.
So yes, I snooped further. I looked at previous messages he had received from this chick. All were flirty texts that could be explained as friendly, a bunch of "I love yous", until I saw text clear as day that he sent her saying that he wanted to have sex with her.
These were text messages that were exchanged today before his seizure.
This was the "friend" who knew a friend who helped get his motor fixed in his car. He stayed the night with her because he was stuck in another town until his car could be fixed. He knew damn well, if he needed a ride, if he needed me, I would have been there in a heartbeat.
So yeah, I haven't talked to him yet about what I found on his phone because he was taken to jail. I'm going to see him on Tuesday because I need to know what he has to say for himself. Depending on what he says, our relationship might survive. As much as I am hurting, I love him. If he's remorseful and sincere, then maybe we stand a chance. If not, then I need to say goodbye.
The thing that hurts me the most is that he's told me over and over again about how his ex-girlfriends had cheated on him and how badly they hurt him. That we should be honest with each other. If for some fucked up reason I cheated or he cheated, that we would man up to it and we would work through it.
I just didn't think it would happen to me.
It's already...