Sing "In the End" by Linkin Park. It fits.
I had been stumbling blindly from March until a few weeks ago. Things have been clicking in my head that have helped me make sense of all that I've had to deal with.
For one, I made a confession to my ex that shocked us both. She told me she left me to figure out her life and to find herself. Until recently, she had been focusing on her roommates and their issues. Exactly the same thing she had been tired of doing. I told her that even if she asked me back, I'd simply tell her "No".
Why, you ask? "She's the one, remember?". She may very well be. Truth is, I have been transforming myself into a whole new monster. One that can identify his emotions and actually feel them rather than hide. I have been focusing on reinventing myself. She has not. I could not, in good conscience, take her back without her doing something to really help herself. We'd be back to square one.
Looking back, this needed to happen. Yes, I still miss her. Yes, I still pine for her. Yes, I still love her. However, I do not need nor want her as my significant other now or in the foreseeable future.
Right now, I'm looking to have fun, to complete the goals I have set for myself, and to continue discovering who I am. I've already had some experiences I had never had while I was with her, and I'm doing better because of them. In time, I'll be able to go to the fetish parties, BDSM gatherings, conventions and all the other fun things I couldn't do because I was afraid of how she'd feel, despite the fact that she often suggested that I go.
I held myself back for her. Now I'm not.
I am reborn.
I had been stumbling blindly from March until a few weeks ago. Things have been clicking in my head that have helped me make sense of all that I've had to deal with.
For one, I made a confession to my ex that shocked us both. She told me she left me to figure out her life and to find herself. Until recently, she had been focusing on her roommates and their issues. Exactly the same thing she had been tired of doing. I told her that even if she asked me back, I'd simply tell her "No".
Why, you ask? "She's the one, remember?". She may very well be. Truth is, I have been transforming myself into a whole new monster. One that can identify his emotions and actually feel them rather than hide. I have been focusing on reinventing myself. She has not. I could not, in good conscience, take her back without her doing something to really help herself. We'd be back to square one.
Looking back, this needed to happen. Yes, I still miss her. Yes, I still pine for her. Yes, I still love her. However, I do not need nor want her as my significant other now or in the foreseeable future.
Right now, I'm looking to have fun, to complete the goals I have set for myself, and to continue discovering who I am. I've already had some experiences I had never had while I was with her, and I'm doing better because of them. In time, I'll be able to go to the fetish parties, BDSM gatherings, conventions and all the other fun things I couldn't do because I was afraid of how she'd feel, despite the fact that she often suggested that I go.
I held myself back for her. Now I'm not.
I am reborn.
