Personal, but in the blog, so hopefully wont cause a stir.
A few incidents happened in my life this week that made me realize a few things.
One: Maria: Even though she doesn't like me in "that way", she still talks to me at length when I go into the restaurant, much like I'm her shrink. She claims she's an "understanding person", but something she did this week made me question that, even though it doesn't matter, because we will never be bf/gf anyway, which is probably for the best.
I don't recall if I posted that Maria lives in a big house in Brooklyn that she grew up in. She has renters. As I may have mentioned, she's an incredible shopaholic.
The other day, when I went into the restaurant. She was foaming at the mouth because her renters were .. a day and a half late with their rent. The reason.. they had to loan their adult son money. (Horrors). She was all like "The son is a bum, let him get a better job". Er,,, maybe he cant? When I told my friends this, they told me she's not for me. She claims to be all understanding, but I thought this.. unreasonable.
Then.,. I spent the 4th of July at my friend Adam's house. For the most part.. we had a nice time. However.. when his mom heard me tell him something.. the mood changed.
As shouldn't surprise everyone.. my dad and I have things to discuss/settle. We had a couple of bad fights before he and Cheryl went to Europe.. So.. I wrote him an email expressing my feelings. I was telling my friend Adam this at the 4th of July, and his mom told me that she doesn't believe in sending "letters", and recounted the letter I sent Adam in 1989, that caused the end in communication that time. I was 19, and I believe I called him "petty". When Adam and I got back together in 2010, we had one or two discussions about the past hurts, said I'm sorry, and have moved on. The fact that his mom brought this up bothered me some. However, instead of getting into a fight, and causing problems, I just said to her "Sheila (Her name is Sheila too, just like my mom) I'm sorry". I hope that settled it, but the whole thing made me uncomfortable. Sheila did tell me that she thinks my uncle the scumbag in Las Vegas, hates me because his son has Asperger's, and because of what I can accomplish that his son cant. I think that's a fair assessment.
I guess I'm reaching the point where I'm simply tired of fighting. In many ways, with the problems with business, my dad, etc, 2013 has been even rougher than 2012. 2012 was horrible from the day my mom and I found out about the brain cancer on Feb 12, until I left PA on June 17th. Besides that, it wasn't that bad.
I should also point out.. that anything I'm angry at my dad.. my uncle.. their extended family.. is only from things they did to me from the day I called my dad in Feb 2012. I've been trying to assess my interaction with them only since then, and trying not to hang on to things from.. 25 years ago, because it seems that to hold grudges.,. I cant/couldn't have a productive relationship with them. Unfortunately, they have all acted not nice this year,., and in case of my dad., I know he's holding onto things from decades ago, with his ongoing rants about my mom, even though she's been gone for over a year now.
Thankfully, Barney and I seem to have settled our problems. I'm not planning to end any friendships with him or anyone else. I want to add to my life, not subtract.
Now, I have to see when my father can sit down with me to discuss the issues. I see him very little.
I keep having hopes of having a business set up, a job, and perhaps.. a lady friend by the end of 2013. If even one or two of those things can happen, things will be better.
A few incidents happened in my life this week that made me realize a few things.
One: Maria: Even though she doesn't like me in "that way", she still talks to me at length when I go into the restaurant, much like I'm her shrink. She claims she's an "understanding person", but something she did this week made me question that, even though it doesn't matter, because we will never be bf/gf anyway, which is probably for the best.
I don't recall if I posted that Maria lives in a big house in Brooklyn that she grew up in. She has renters. As I may have mentioned, she's an incredible shopaholic.
The other day, when I went into the restaurant. She was foaming at the mouth because her renters were .. a day and a half late with their rent. The reason.. they had to loan their adult son money. (Horrors). She was all like "The son is a bum, let him get a better job". Er,,, maybe he cant? When I told my friends this, they told me she's not for me. She claims to be all understanding, but I thought this.. unreasonable.
Then.,. I spent the 4th of July at my friend Adam's house. For the most part.. we had a nice time. However.. when his mom heard me tell him something.. the mood changed.
As shouldn't surprise everyone.. my dad and I have things to discuss/settle. We had a couple of bad fights before he and Cheryl went to Europe.. So.. I wrote him an email expressing my feelings. I was telling my friend Adam this at the 4th of July, and his mom told me that she doesn't believe in sending "letters", and recounted the letter I sent Adam in 1989, that caused the end in communication that time. I was 19, and I believe I called him "petty". When Adam and I got back together in 2010, we had one or two discussions about the past hurts, said I'm sorry, and have moved on. The fact that his mom brought this up bothered me some. However, instead of getting into a fight, and causing problems, I just said to her "Sheila (Her name is Sheila too, just like my mom) I'm sorry". I hope that settled it, but the whole thing made me uncomfortable. Sheila did tell me that she thinks my uncle the scumbag in Las Vegas, hates me because his son has Asperger's, and because of what I can accomplish that his son cant. I think that's a fair assessment.
I guess I'm reaching the point where I'm simply tired of fighting. In many ways, with the problems with business, my dad, etc, 2013 has been even rougher than 2012. 2012 was horrible from the day my mom and I found out about the brain cancer on Feb 12, until I left PA on June 17th. Besides that, it wasn't that bad.
I should also point out.. that anything I'm angry at my dad.. my uncle.. their extended family.. is only from things they did to me from the day I called my dad in Feb 2012. I've been trying to assess my interaction with them only since then, and trying not to hang on to things from.. 25 years ago, because it seems that to hold grudges.,. I cant/couldn't have a productive relationship with them. Unfortunately, they have all acted not nice this year,., and in case of my dad., I know he's holding onto things from decades ago, with his ongoing rants about my mom, even though she's been gone for over a year now.
Thankfully, Barney and I seem to have settled our problems. I'm not planning to end any friendships with him or anyone else. I want to add to my life, not subtract.
Now, I have to see when my father can sit down with me to discuss the issues. I see him very little.
I keep having hopes of having a business set up, a job, and perhaps.. a lady friend by the end of 2013. If even one or two of those things can happen, things will be better.
