Observation best posted in the blog.
The latest experience, which makes at least my second serious brush with serious condition/near death since 2011, counting the time that I almost passed away in the ER of St Clares Hospital, during the summer that my mom was getting cancer treatment., caused me to think of many things.
Today, I told my aunt the artist that I firmly believe something is going to happen to me at an early age. (No I dont mean I'm going to kill myself, even though many people in the hospital asked me if I have thoughts of suicide). It's like.. no.
I also believe in the Afterlife, a belief most Jewish people dont have.
This week, both my Dad and my aunt the artist were like to me.
If you die, Mitch, you aren't going to meet up with Sheila. (My mom) She isnt there waiting for you. Dead people are just.. gone.
On the last night of my mom';s life, April 3, 2012, the Chaplin who was sitting with us, was trying to console me on my feelings about my mom's imminent passing. I was afraid of her leaving me, and that no one was going to be there to take care of her. The Chaplin was like "Mitch, God and your dead relatives are waiting to welcome her". We were in a Christian area, in a Christian nursing home, so these statements by the Chaplin didnt surprise me.
Then, there;'s what didnt happen this week, during my illness, which also shows certain feelings I have.
My friend Barney, who as many know lives in my complex, and who I know for 20 plus years.
He knew I had this serious accident, and never called, or came to see me, and I'm home.. four days.
He recently got tenure at his job, and when things go too well for him, he gets smug. I'm infuriated at him, but know he will never change. If he didnt live here, I;d tell him to go to hell. As it is, I plan to just distance myself from him,.
Cheryl, my father's wife, who I've been so civil to, never wrote, or called.
If I told my Dad that his wife is a miserable human being, it would start World War Three.
Of course, Cheryl, My Dad, and anyone they say, can feel or say anything they want, but if Mitch hates someone because of their uncivil actions to him. , that's a federal crime.
On the day my mom died, my Dad said to me "Mitch, you have a shot" (To rebuild).
In spite of what some on the forum have accused me of. ...(Who know nothing) Of my father "giving me the insurance license". I did pass a professional licensing exam, in an unfamiliar field, all by myself.
My "Shot" was Aflac. I killed myself to pass the insurance exam, and came within.. inches of signing a huge career changing account,
Then, it was all taken away, and I've spent the last year plus competing for jobs with people half my age.
My relatives say to me "Find someone just to date, and have fun with" Of course, they dont know about my "interests".
No. It wouldnt be fair to myself, or the woman.
Whatever people think of me, at least they cant accuse me of trying to find someone for self satisfaction.
Right now, I couldnt even go on an interview, My face is all bruised. People who know me in my neighborhood, stop me on the street, and are like "Mitch, what the Hell happened to you".
I have to wait for this to physically heal, and then go back to the grind of trying to find a job.
I guess what gets me, is everyone knows themselves.
During my year at Aflac, I saw a light in my eyes that I hadn't seen since college.
I went to visit the Dean of my college in spring 2014, when I was working at Aflac, and the lady told me "Mitch, you have the same look as you had when you were doing so well here, and when we used to ask you to show new students around. "
I honestly dont know what happens next.
I seriously cant wait for 2015 to end. It has been a horrible year for me.
All I can hope for is that if I continue to try, something good will finally happen.
The latest experience, which makes at least my second serious brush with serious condition/near death since 2011, counting the time that I almost passed away in the ER of St Clares Hospital, during the summer that my mom was getting cancer treatment., caused me to think of many things.
Today, I told my aunt the artist that I firmly believe something is going to happen to me at an early age. (No I dont mean I'm going to kill myself, even though many people in the hospital asked me if I have thoughts of suicide). It's like.. no.
I also believe in the Afterlife, a belief most Jewish people dont have.
This week, both my Dad and my aunt the artist were like to me.
If you die, Mitch, you aren't going to meet up with Sheila. (My mom) She isnt there waiting for you. Dead people are just.. gone.
On the last night of my mom';s life, April 3, 2012, the Chaplin who was sitting with us, was trying to console me on my feelings about my mom's imminent passing. I was afraid of her leaving me, and that no one was going to be there to take care of her. The Chaplin was like "Mitch, God and your dead relatives are waiting to welcome her". We were in a Christian area, in a Christian nursing home, so these statements by the Chaplin didnt surprise me.
Then, there;'s what didnt happen this week, during my illness, which also shows certain feelings I have.
My friend Barney, who as many know lives in my complex, and who I know for 20 plus years.
He knew I had this serious accident, and never called, or came to see me, and I'm home.. four days.
He recently got tenure at his job, and when things go too well for him, he gets smug. I'm infuriated at him, but know he will never change. If he didnt live here, I;d tell him to go to hell. As it is, I plan to just distance myself from him,.
Cheryl, my father's wife, who I've been so civil to, never wrote, or called.
If I told my Dad that his wife is a miserable human being, it would start World War Three.
Of course, Cheryl, My Dad, and anyone they say, can feel or say anything they want, but if Mitch hates someone because of their uncivil actions to him. , that's a federal crime.
On the day my mom died, my Dad said to me "Mitch, you have a shot" (To rebuild).
In spite of what some on the forum have accused me of. ...(Who know nothing) Of my father "giving me the insurance license". I did pass a professional licensing exam, in an unfamiliar field, all by myself.
My "Shot" was Aflac. I killed myself to pass the insurance exam, and came within.. inches of signing a huge career changing account,
Then, it was all taken away, and I've spent the last year plus competing for jobs with people half my age.
My relatives say to me "Find someone just to date, and have fun with" Of course, they dont know about my "interests".
No. It wouldnt be fair to myself, or the woman.
Whatever people think of me, at least they cant accuse me of trying to find someone for self satisfaction.
Right now, I couldnt even go on an interview, My face is all bruised. People who know me in my neighborhood, stop me on the street, and are like "Mitch, what the Hell happened to you".
I have to wait for this to physically heal, and then go back to the grind of trying to find a job.
I guess what gets me, is everyone knows themselves.
During my year at Aflac, I saw a light in my eyes that I hadn't seen since college.
I went to visit the Dean of my college in spring 2014, when I was working at Aflac, and the lady told me "Mitch, you have the same look as you had when you were doing so well here, and when we used to ask you to show new students around. "
I honestly dont know what happens next.
I seriously cant wait for 2015 to end. It has been a horrible year for me.
All I can hope for is that if I continue to try, something good will finally happen.
