I had to see my father for dinner tonight, because I stupidly lost my keys. Our dinner turned into more of the same.
My father continues to rant on about my mom, going on about how people told him to put her in the street. I despised his mother, yet have refrained from saying bad things about her, because I know she's dead, and cant hurt me anymore. When I asked him why he cant realize the same about my mom, his answer was "The anomoysity remains".
When I expressed my fury about my uncle's atttiude, and how my uncle wants to cause another estrangement between my father and me, my father disputed me, telling me that isnt so. Er..the man told me my father and I should be estranged.. so.
Then my father asked me if I am "ready to talk to someone". (A shrink). I told him yes. I dont see what good a shrink is going to do. Is it going to bring my mom back? Is it going to get my father to treat me better, and stop justifying everyone who hurts me? The real question to me is.. why doesnt HE talk to someone, to deal with his unresolved anger toward my mom and me.
I know that my father is never going to change. In reality, I need to become self sufficient, and probably have very little to do with him. I've tried my damnest to make this relationship succeed, but its likely it really cant, and probably never will because he sees me as my mom's son, and not his. Reality is, I will never love him the way I loved my mom, because this is how he set it up.
Thats the latest.
My father continues to rant on about my mom, going on about how people told him to put her in the street. I despised his mother, yet have refrained from saying bad things about her, because I know she's dead, and cant hurt me anymore. When I asked him why he cant realize the same about my mom, his answer was "The anomoysity remains".
When I expressed my fury about my uncle's atttiude, and how my uncle wants to cause another estrangement between my father and me, my father disputed me, telling me that isnt so. Er..the man told me my father and I should be estranged.. so.
Then my father asked me if I am "ready to talk to someone". (A shrink). I told him yes. I dont see what good a shrink is going to do. Is it going to bring my mom back? Is it going to get my father to treat me better, and stop justifying everyone who hurts me? The real question to me is.. why doesnt HE talk to someone, to deal with his unresolved anger toward my mom and me.
I know that my father is never going to change. In reality, I need to become self sufficient, and probably have very little to do with him. I've tried my damnest to make this relationship succeed, but its likely it really cant, and probably never will because he sees me as my mom's son, and not his. Reality is, I will never love him the way I loved my mom, because this is how he set it up.
Thats the latest.
