More friction with my father, not surprising, considering the situation.
I told him today how I'm really not looking forward to Thanksgiving, considering how his two bitch first cousins, Sandy and Gail, have taken potshots at my mom and me during the first two family holidays. I gave them a clean slate, after they sat by for twenty five years, watched his estrangement from me, and did nothing to help. Additionally, they have never contacted me personally, to say anything civilized, in the seven months since my mom died. However, they knew just how to attack a dead woman who did nothing to them, and her shattered son. When I expressed this to my father, he jumped down my throat for "antcipating" their actions. Er, they've already attacked me twice, at the worst time of my life. I have no reason to think they will be civil, kind, or any different than they already have been this year, and for the twenty four years before that.
Then, I was hopeful of being able to sell all of my mom and grandmother's art work by this famous artist. My father gave the artwork to a foundation to sell. He forwarded me a letter from them today, stating that because of the artist's recent passing, they cant sell the art until March at the earliest. This puts me into a real bind, because it prevents me from having the money needed to both start my business, and for living and other expenses. I know I'm going to have to look for a job eventually, but I've tried to put it off as long as possible by doing what I've always done, antique and jewelry sales. As I';ve posted before, I have no job history due to my past problems with my taxes. My father already claimed to me that he contacted people about a job for me, and came away empty.
With all these feelings, I unwisely started crying to him on the phone today, telling him how heartbroken I am over my mom. He said he knows. Bullshit. He didnt tell me it was okay with him if I skip the family party with the two abusive bitches next week. THAT would have been a real show of support.
I got so upset today when I talked to my aunt, with the way he's treating me, and such, that I told her I wished it was all over. I want to make clear that I am NOT thinking of suicide. I just cant stand how my life is with him. From years ago, my mom told me she knew I am much happier when hes not in my life. My aunts claim I am snippy, nervous, and starting fights more.
I'm not going to do anything to myself for many reasons. One, I've always believed that where there's life theres hope. Two, that would be trashing my mom's memory. i know she would want me to go with my life, and carve out success. Three, I dont want to give him the satisfaction of my dying, and then say "See, Mitch was crazy, he killed himself." Theres also the issue of money. If I'm dead, he inherits everything I have that hes holding for me, plus the posessions in my apartment, and my mom's art work. He and Cheryl have enough, and I dont intend to have them get anymore by my doing something stupid to myself.
My aunt suggested to me today that he and I should go into "Counseling" to resolve our problems. While I know she means well, this will not work. My mom, he and I were in family counseling for years in the 80s. It didnt work. He hears what he wants to, and does what he wants to.
I will wade through, do what I have to, hopefully get a business started, and I hope by next year in this time there will be a break between me and him, permanently. I'd love to pay him back every penny he paid for my rent, and say goodbye forever. What an idiot I was for thinking he changed. He'll never change. He lived without me for the greater part of 20 years, and for six years completely. Being estranged from me is fine with him. He dumped me when my mom had cancer. I used to think he treated me like shit because I wasnt seeing his family, but my mom summized that was just the topic, and that he would treat me badly even if I saw them. She felt he treats me badly because he hates my guts.
For now, I have to suck it up. I look at him as an abusive boss rather than a father. Hopefully if I get a business started, and catch a break or two that I havent yet, he will lose all power and control, and then he is going to be in for a very rude awakening.
Mitch
I told him today how I'm really not looking forward to Thanksgiving, considering how his two bitch first cousins, Sandy and Gail, have taken potshots at my mom and me during the first two family holidays. I gave them a clean slate, after they sat by for twenty five years, watched his estrangement from me, and did nothing to help. Additionally, they have never contacted me personally, to say anything civilized, in the seven months since my mom died. However, they knew just how to attack a dead woman who did nothing to them, and her shattered son. When I expressed this to my father, he jumped down my throat for "antcipating" their actions. Er, they've already attacked me twice, at the worst time of my life. I have no reason to think they will be civil, kind, or any different than they already have been this year, and for the twenty four years before that.
Then, I was hopeful of being able to sell all of my mom and grandmother's art work by this famous artist. My father gave the artwork to a foundation to sell. He forwarded me a letter from them today, stating that because of the artist's recent passing, they cant sell the art until March at the earliest. This puts me into a real bind, because it prevents me from having the money needed to both start my business, and for living and other expenses. I know I'm going to have to look for a job eventually, but I've tried to put it off as long as possible by doing what I've always done, antique and jewelry sales. As I';ve posted before, I have no job history due to my past problems with my taxes. My father already claimed to me that he contacted people about a job for me, and came away empty.
With all these feelings, I unwisely started crying to him on the phone today, telling him how heartbroken I am over my mom. He said he knows. Bullshit. He didnt tell me it was okay with him if I skip the family party with the two abusive bitches next week. THAT would have been a real show of support.
I got so upset today when I talked to my aunt, with the way he's treating me, and such, that I told her I wished it was all over. I want to make clear that I am NOT thinking of suicide. I just cant stand how my life is with him. From years ago, my mom told me she knew I am much happier when hes not in my life. My aunts claim I am snippy, nervous, and starting fights more.
I'm not going to do anything to myself for many reasons. One, I've always believed that where there's life theres hope. Two, that would be trashing my mom's memory. i know she would want me to go with my life, and carve out success. Three, I dont want to give him the satisfaction of my dying, and then say "See, Mitch was crazy, he killed himself." Theres also the issue of money. If I'm dead, he inherits everything I have that hes holding for me, plus the posessions in my apartment, and my mom's art work. He and Cheryl have enough, and I dont intend to have them get anymore by my doing something stupid to myself.
My aunt suggested to me today that he and I should go into "Counseling" to resolve our problems. While I know she means well, this will not work. My mom, he and I were in family counseling for years in the 80s. It didnt work. He hears what he wants to, and does what he wants to.
I will wade through, do what I have to, hopefully get a business started, and I hope by next year in this time there will be a break between me and him, permanently. I'd love to pay him back every penny he paid for my rent, and say goodbye forever. What an idiot I was for thinking he changed. He'll never change. He lived without me for the greater part of 20 years, and for six years completely. Being estranged from me is fine with him. He dumped me when my mom had cancer. I used to think he treated me like shit because I wasnt seeing his family, but my mom summized that was just the topic, and that he would treat me badly even if I saw them. She felt he treats me badly because he hates my guts.
For now, I have to suck it up. I look at him as an abusive boss rather than a father. Hopefully if I get a business started, and catch a break or two that I havent yet, he will lose all power and control, and then he is going to be in for a very rude awakening.
Mitch
