Granted, I know that to my knowledge, nobody in my family is dying now.. but.. to put into perspective.. the last time I felt as badly as I do now, was between the time they found my mom's brain tumors, and the time I left Lancaster. The months I was living alone in the apartment in Lancaster, waiting for her to die, and after she died.
For.. the greater part of more than a year.. from the time I received the offer to work at Aflac, in Oct, 2013, until I resigned in November of this year, the old Mitch had returned. The Mitch who was intense.. and who couldn't wait for the next step of his life to commence.
I don't remember if I mentioned that this past May, I went to see the Dean of Students at the college I graduated from
She told me that I looked and sounded like the old Mitch. I hadn't seen her.. in 20 years, since I graduated. I explained that I had stayed away because, quite frankly, I was a bit embarrassed that someone who used to be one of the top students on that campus, was little more than an antiques salesman who was still living at home in his 40s. This lady was very kind.. and told me that I didn't have to be embarrassed. However, I emailed her recently to let her know I'd left Aflac. She told me she was sorry for me, but I know she was disappointed.
Those who have accused me of wanting to
"Live off my father in my fancy two grand a month apartment", are positively delusional, and don't know me at all.
Considering my relationship with him, he is the last person I want to take help from.
What I wanted, was to become a successful agent at Aflac, and to pay him off every penny he laid out for this apartment.
Had my mom and him stayed married, I likely would have gone to law school, etc, and been married, and on my own years ago. However. in addition to my long estrangement from him, and the fact that he never discussed my future with me in college, or after, there is another element now. There is another woman involved, who created her own family with him, not caring whose toes she was stepping on, or that she married him when he and I were estranged.... a woman who I have been a gentleman to, and put aside all my past feelings for. A woman.. who couldn't even wish me well when I passed the exam, or say "Mitch, you worked so hard to become an agent.. I really hope you can make Aflac work". What she said was, literally a week after I joined Aflac, and before I even had a chance to look for clients.. or knew about their restrictions.. she said "If Aflac doesn't work, you'll get a job". That was a comment that was uncalled for, which clearly showed that she wanted my hopes and dreams not to come true, and wanted me to end up.. as basically nothing. While its' not her fault that Aflac didn't work for me, I plan to never forget that comment, or to forgive her for it. I know that I'll still have to see her, but, my view of her has completely changed. If my dad can hold his grudges, and talk about people who are dead, I can certainly have my feelings about people who are alive and well, and who can still hurt me.
As I've posted, the employment agencies I'm registered with have no positions at the present time, and said they will contact me when they do.
I saw my aunt the artist yesterday. She advised me to look on Craiglist, or in the online newspapers, for employment. I was chased out of my apartment by the water shutdown all day yesterday, and have other business to take care of today, but tomorrow, I plan to stay home most or all day, and take her advice. I know she means well.
I'm supposed to see my dad sometime on Friday. I hope he takes it easy on me, and doesn't start berating me, or playing PR man to all those who he knows I don't like in the family.
I know that I have to be patient. I just wish something good would happen already.
For.. the greater part of more than a year.. from the time I received the offer to work at Aflac, in Oct, 2013, until I resigned in November of this year, the old Mitch had returned. The Mitch who was intense.. and who couldn't wait for the next step of his life to commence.
I don't remember if I mentioned that this past May, I went to see the Dean of Students at the college I graduated from
She told me that I looked and sounded like the old Mitch. I hadn't seen her.. in 20 years, since I graduated. I explained that I had stayed away because, quite frankly, I was a bit embarrassed that someone who used to be one of the top students on that campus, was little more than an antiques salesman who was still living at home in his 40s. This lady was very kind.. and told me that I didn't have to be embarrassed. However, I emailed her recently to let her know I'd left Aflac. She told me she was sorry for me, but I know she was disappointed.
Those who have accused me of wanting to
"Live off my father in my fancy two grand a month apartment", are positively delusional, and don't know me at all.
Considering my relationship with him, he is the last person I want to take help from.
What I wanted, was to become a successful agent at Aflac, and to pay him off every penny he laid out for this apartment.
Had my mom and him stayed married, I likely would have gone to law school, etc, and been married, and on my own years ago. However. in addition to my long estrangement from him, and the fact that he never discussed my future with me in college, or after, there is another element now. There is another woman involved, who created her own family with him, not caring whose toes she was stepping on, or that she married him when he and I were estranged.... a woman who I have been a gentleman to, and put aside all my past feelings for. A woman.. who couldn't even wish me well when I passed the exam, or say "Mitch, you worked so hard to become an agent.. I really hope you can make Aflac work". What she said was, literally a week after I joined Aflac, and before I even had a chance to look for clients.. or knew about their restrictions.. she said "If Aflac doesn't work, you'll get a job". That was a comment that was uncalled for, which clearly showed that she wanted my hopes and dreams not to come true, and wanted me to end up.. as basically nothing. While its' not her fault that Aflac didn't work for me, I plan to never forget that comment, or to forgive her for it. I know that I'll still have to see her, but, my view of her has completely changed. If my dad can hold his grudges, and talk about people who are dead, I can certainly have my feelings about people who are alive and well, and who can still hurt me.
As I've posted, the employment agencies I'm registered with have no positions at the present time, and said they will contact me when they do.
I saw my aunt the artist yesterday. She advised me to look on Craiglist, or in the online newspapers, for employment. I was chased out of my apartment by the water shutdown all day yesterday, and have other business to take care of today, but tomorrow, I plan to stay home most or all day, and take her advice. I know she means well.
I'm supposed to see my dad sometime on Friday. I hope he takes it easy on me, and doesn't start berating me, or playing PR man to all those who he knows I don't like in the family.
I know that I have to be patient. I just wish something good would happen already.
