The title of this entry.. basically is.. an introspection of Mitch's life.
I';ve been doing a lot of thinking in the past 24 hours, and have figured a lot of things out.
This entry will explain a lot of things. How I feel about things, and my life now, and also some of the things I've said, done, and written on here in the past.
In no particular order..
The Aflac experience: Like.. the 1991 Braves.,. or Cinderella at the ball. An unknown from nowhere.. who has spent years feeling down, being.. laughed at.. etc. Anyone who knows the history of baseball, knows that the 1991 Braves were the team that made it to the seventh game of the World Series, and lost.. after being in last place the year before. As those who have read my posts are aware.. I have been a Braves fan for 30 years, and was a major fan back then. That year was a heartbreak for me. The night the Braves lost the 1991 World Series.. I can remember my mom saying to me. "The Braves had been so bad for so long, when did you ever think they would play in the World Series".
The Aflac experience.. much the same for me.. An unknown, who had no experience in the insurance industry,.,. is offered a chance at a big insurance company. He.. works his tail off to improbably pass the insurance exam, only to be given a chance to work at a big insurance company, only to have, every roadblock thrown in his way, some his own due to his stutter where he cant cold call customers like the other agents do, and some by the rules.. only to very nearly sign a huge client that would solidify his position as an insurance agent.. at a major employer.. only to fall short.l and be forced to leave. Cinderella at the ball if there ever was one.
My baseball stories from years ago. (No, I do not plan on writing them again). Frustration with, at the time, an ongoing situation with a person I was talking to online. If anyone remembers those stories, Mitch was the star home run hitter, of "The Good Guys", a fictional major league team that came from nowhere, to play the Yankees in the World Series every year. Why was it written that way? Very simple, for two reasons. One, my fictional wife, in those stories, Naomi Watts, was meant in no way to insult Ms Watts. I had seen the movie "Le Divorce, Starring Ms Watts, shortly before I started writing the stories, and chose her as my fictional wife. Her personality in the stories, roller coaster as it was, was derived, from, an ongoing crazy situation that some who know me know about, with a person I was talking to online, who I of course will not name, that I allowed to go on for far too long. The "Good Guys" kept beating the Yankees, because, as baseball fans know, the team I was really a fan of, the Braves, never could. The Braves lost to the Yankees twice in the Series, and I would air my frustration with that, with the fictional Good Guys often beating the Yankees in the World Series.
While I of course always look for work, etc, and have business plans that I wont post unless/until they happen..
While I appreciate my father. "Doing what he does" for me.. (Financially), Our relationship greatly saddens me. Recently, he ignored me for several days, and about,.,. three contacts from me, even though we hadnt had a dispute. "I was busy". He texted me". If I did that to him.. I would be getting ranting, cursing, capital letter emails., "Oh he ignores you,, because he';s angry that he's helping you", some might say. Maybe, but its far more than that,. He ignores me, to show me how truly unimportant I am to him, except for writing a check,and also because only he, and who he says, has rights, and Mitch has no rights. .
I'm alone.. 99% of the time, except for occasional visits with my two best friends. Whatever anyone says about me.. I think.. I should be given credit for not intending to intentionally look for a woman.. when I'm emotionally not ready for one, for the sole purpose of having a physical, and tickle fix. Its not that I dont "Have the money" to take someone out. I could alter my life, stop going to the casino, and instead date women. I choose not to, to avoid complications for myself, and the potential person involved.
I have the same hollow, sad feeling that I had, during the year and a half between the time I found out my mom was going to die, and the time I got the position at Aflac. In a way, it's even worse, because during that time, I was sitting around, doing nothing, not even trying to help myself. Such is not the case now. As those who have read my posts are aware.,. I've applied to, hundreds of jobs of all kinds, and been on many interviews.. to no avail,. I'm old, have a weak resume, except for my time at Aflac, and I'm applying to jobs often given to people half my age. It would seem.. who are the emoloyers going to take, a 20 odd year old just out of college or grad school, or a guy in his mid 40s, where they could say. "Why is all you have on your resume that you worked for a product sales company, sold jewelry, and worked in an insurance company for a little over a year".
For those who have blasted me on this forum,. "You're Daddy's boy, you want him to take care of you, and do nothing". If those people knew anything about me, they would know thats the last thing I want. Such is why, I didnt take a minimum wage job when I got to NY, and instead, went through my mourning period, long as it was, and busted it to make it in an industry, where I could make a middle class living to support myself completely. Of course,such didnt work out, due to my not being able to cold call due to my stuttering, my former supervisor's severe regulations, and the business deal I posted about.. which was dangled in my face, dragged on forever.. and then was ripped from me suddenly, causing me to have to leave Aflac.
I'm aware of EVERYTHING. My situation, shortcomings, hurdles that I have to overcome. In no way am I sitting here saying. "Okay, all this is my dad, and everyone at Aflac's fault". I have listed my faults, which I truly believe. It is my dad, even with the checks he writes me, who refuses to ever take responsibility for his actions. If I tell him I'm hurt, that he didnt work on our relationship with me, or be a single father to me, before marrying, and finding another family,. I get the nasty retort. "I (he) had every right to get married". He, and those who he says, (Never Mitch, or Sheila) have all the rights, and Mitch and Sheila, have/had no rights.
I think.. what is so sickening.. is.. that I had killed myself to be in an industry, insurance, where,. I could have potentially made enough money.. to be self sufficient within.. months.. or a year, and it is gone.
I have a couple of business ideas, and I'm working on some things, in addition to the job search, that I'm best off not posting the details of, unless they happen.
My goal, if I could, would be to make enough money, to pay him back every last penny.
I know that all I can do.. is keep trying to find jobs, and hope that somehow, the business I want to do, can somehow be started, for me to he free of him.
In the meantime, it's a terrible, terrible feeling, cushioned only by the comfort of my friends, real life, and TMF, Jim Gardner's wonderful newscasts every night, and my weekly casino visits, to take my mind off my work situation, and my empty relationship with my dad.
My aunt told me that she believes that cycles happen, and that things will get better for me.
The past five months, since I found out the law firm signing wasnt going to happen, my resignation from Aflac, the futile job search, and the other personal problems, have been absolute hell.
I hope that if I keep working at it, things will get better soon. i'd be lying, though, if I didnt say that I feel very.. downhearted, in so many ways.
I';ve been doing a lot of thinking in the past 24 hours, and have figured a lot of things out.
This entry will explain a lot of things. How I feel about things, and my life now, and also some of the things I've said, done, and written on here in the past.
In no particular order..
The Aflac experience: Like.. the 1991 Braves.,. or Cinderella at the ball. An unknown from nowhere.. who has spent years feeling down, being.. laughed at.. etc. Anyone who knows the history of baseball, knows that the 1991 Braves were the team that made it to the seventh game of the World Series, and lost.. after being in last place the year before. As those who have read my posts are aware.. I have been a Braves fan for 30 years, and was a major fan back then. That year was a heartbreak for me. The night the Braves lost the 1991 World Series.. I can remember my mom saying to me. "The Braves had been so bad for so long, when did you ever think they would play in the World Series".
The Aflac experience.. much the same for me.. An unknown, who had no experience in the insurance industry,.,. is offered a chance at a big insurance company. He.. works his tail off to improbably pass the insurance exam, only to be given a chance to work at a big insurance company, only to have, every roadblock thrown in his way, some his own due to his stutter where he cant cold call customers like the other agents do, and some by the rules.. only to very nearly sign a huge client that would solidify his position as an insurance agent.. at a major employer.. only to fall short.l and be forced to leave. Cinderella at the ball if there ever was one.
My baseball stories from years ago. (No, I do not plan on writing them again). Frustration with, at the time, an ongoing situation with a person I was talking to online. If anyone remembers those stories, Mitch was the star home run hitter, of "The Good Guys", a fictional major league team that came from nowhere, to play the Yankees in the World Series every year. Why was it written that way? Very simple, for two reasons. One, my fictional wife, in those stories, Naomi Watts, was meant in no way to insult Ms Watts. I had seen the movie "Le Divorce, Starring Ms Watts, shortly before I started writing the stories, and chose her as my fictional wife. Her personality in the stories, roller coaster as it was, was derived, from, an ongoing crazy situation that some who know me know about, with a person I was talking to online, who I of course will not name, that I allowed to go on for far too long. The "Good Guys" kept beating the Yankees, because, as baseball fans know, the team I was really a fan of, the Braves, never could. The Braves lost to the Yankees twice in the Series, and I would air my frustration with that, with the fictional Good Guys often beating the Yankees in the World Series.
While I of course always look for work, etc, and have business plans that I wont post unless/until they happen..
While I appreciate my father. "Doing what he does" for me.. (Financially), Our relationship greatly saddens me. Recently, he ignored me for several days, and about,.,. three contacts from me, even though we hadnt had a dispute. "I was busy". He texted me". If I did that to him.. I would be getting ranting, cursing, capital letter emails., "Oh he ignores you,, because he';s angry that he's helping you", some might say. Maybe, but its far more than that,. He ignores me, to show me how truly unimportant I am to him, except for writing a check,and also because only he, and who he says, has rights, and Mitch has no rights. .
I'm alone.. 99% of the time, except for occasional visits with my two best friends. Whatever anyone says about me.. I think.. I should be given credit for not intending to intentionally look for a woman.. when I'm emotionally not ready for one, for the sole purpose of having a physical, and tickle fix. Its not that I dont "Have the money" to take someone out. I could alter my life, stop going to the casino, and instead date women. I choose not to, to avoid complications for myself, and the potential person involved.
I have the same hollow, sad feeling that I had, during the year and a half between the time I found out my mom was going to die, and the time I got the position at Aflac. In a way, it's even worse, because during that time, I was sitting around, doing nothing, not even trying to help myself. Such is not the case now. As those who have read my posts are aware.,. I've applied to, hundreds of jobs of all kinds, and been on many interviews.. to no avail,. I'm old, have a weak resume, except for my time at Aflac, and I'm applying to jobs often given to people half my age. It would seem.. who are the emoloyers going to take, a 20 odd year old just out of college or grad school, or a guy in his mid 40s, where they could say. "Why is all you have on your resume that you worked for a product sales company, sold jewelry, and worked in an insurance company for a little over a year".
For those who have blasted me on this forum,. "You're Daddy's boy, you want him to take care of you, and do nothing". If those people knew anything about me, they would know thats the last thing I want. Such is why, I didnt take a minimum wage job when I got to NY, and instead, went through my mourning period, long as it was, and busted it to make it in an industry, where I could make a middle class living to support myself completely. Of course,such didnt work out, due to my not being able to cold call due to my stuttering, my former supervisor's severe regulations, and the business deal I posted about.. which was dangled in my face, dragged on forever.. and then was ripped from me suddenly, causing me to have to leave Aflac.
I'm aware of EVERYTHING. My situation, shortcomings, hurdles that I have to overcome. In no way am I sitting here saying. "Okay, all this is my dad, and everyone at Aflac's fault". I have listed my faults, which I truly believe. It is my dad, even with the checks he writes me, who refuses to ever take responsibility for his actions. If I tell him I'm hurt, that he didnt work on our relationship with me, or be a single father to me, before marrying, and finding another family,. I get the nasty retort. "I (he) had every right to get married". He, and those who he says, (Never Mitch, or Sheila) have all the rights, and Mitch and Sheila, have/had no rights.
I think.. what is so sickening.. is.. that I had killed myself to be in an industry, insurance, where,. I could have potentially made enough money.. to be self sufficient within.. months.. or a year, and it is gone.
I have a couple of business ideas, and I'm working on some things, in addition to the job search, that I'm best off not posting the details of, unless they happen.
My goal, if I could, would be to make enough money, to pay him back every last penny.
I know that all I can do.. is keep trying to find jobs, and hope that somehow, the business I want to do, can somehow be started, for me to he free of him.
In the meantime, it's a terrible, terrible feeling, cushioned only by the comfort of my friends, real life, and TMF, Jim Gardner's wonderful newscasts every night, and my weekly casino visits, to take my mind off my work situation, and my empty relationship with my dad.
My aunt told me that she believes that cycles happen, and that things will get better for me.
The past five months, since I found out the law firm signing wasnt going to happen, my resignation from Aflac, the futile job search, and the other personal problems, have been absolute hell.
I hope that if I keep working at it, things will get better soon. i'd be lying, though, if I didnt say that I feel very.. downhearted, in so many ways.
