My father came out today, and finally, in a productive way, I expressed it all to him, letting it all out, productively, without screaming, cursing, or attacking. I was amazed at the result.
I told him how I felt that up until recently, my hopes and dreams didnt matter to him, and how I needed him to be behind me, and not just get to a point, and then bail. I expressed to him how I've gone the extra mile to please him, by dealing with family members who have hurt me so much, including his wife. I told him how I felt Cheryl was intruding on my rights, by expressing I get a job, since she doesnt know me. This is the reply I got, and it shocked me.
My father told me how he felt that my mom held me back from my potential, by coddling me too much. He talked about her using me as a pawn in the divorce. While he said he knew she loved me, he felt it was a stifling love.
I'm sorry to say, he isnt the first one to say this, and not from a prespective of an ex husband either. My maternal grandmother, and my mom's sister, the artist, have told me this too.
The agreement we came up with is that I dont have to go specific job hunting until Sept 1, as long as I remain productive. I'm going to present my business ideas to lawyers, have my surgery, and sell my mom's things. He also promised me that the cousin is going to pay me soon. He did express his opinion that he thinks I may be suffering from depression, and need to see a psychiatrist, or be on anti depressants. I've had some crying fits about my mom recently, but I still go out with friends, keep my apartment clean, watch TV, etc.
This is scary. I guess this is my time to spend letting go of mom. She'll always be in my heart, and I'll always love her and miss her, but, when her own mother and sisters say the same thing as my dad, its time to sit and reflect.
Mitch
I told him how I felt that up until recently, my hopes and dreams didnt matter to him, and how I needed him to be behind me, and not just get to a point, and then bail. I expressed to him how I've gone the extra mile to please him, by dealing with family members who have hurt me so much, including his wife. I told him how I felt Cheryl was intruding on my rights, by expressing I get a job, since she doesnt know me. This is the reply I got, and it shocked me.
My father told me how he felt that my mom held me back from my potential, by coddling me too much. He talked about her using me as a pawn in the divorce. While he said he knew she loved me, he felt it was a stifling love.
I'm sorry to say, he isnt the first one to say this, and not from a prespective of an ex husband either. My maternal grandmother, and my mom's sister, the artist, have told me this too.
The agreement we came up with is that I dont have to go specific job hunting until Sept 1, as long as I remain productive. I'm going to present my business ideas to lawyers, have my surgery, and sell my mom's things. He also promised me that the cousin is going to pay me soon. He did express his opinion that he thinks I may be suffering from depression, and need to see a psychiatrist, or be on anti depressants. I've had some crying fits about my mom recently, but I still go out with friends, keep my apartment clean, watch TV, etc.
This is scary. I guess this is my time to spend letting go of mom. She'll always be in my heart, and I'll always love her and miss her, but, when her own mother and sisters say the same thing as my dad, its time to sit and reflect.
Mitch
