I want to start by saying that posting in this blog helps. It is therapuetic to air feelings.
One of my father's biggest problems has always been that he fails to realize that my mom gave him what should be his biggest gift, me. From early childhood, he was always trying to forciably drag me away from my loving maternal grandparents, and sabatoge my relationship with my mom, especially after the divorce, by saying things like "Some people are closer to their stepmothers".
As I already posted, I had to ask my father to call my mom after the Dr told her about her likely cancer diagnosis in the hospital last week. He did not take it upon himself to have the shread of human decency to say: "Gee, the woman I was married to for 21 years, and who gave me my son, my son's mother, was just diagnosed with cancer, so I should, if for no other reason for Mitch's sake, call her just to say hello". My mom said that during the whole convo, my father talked to her in a cold, clipped tone of voice.
Yesterday, when I got into the blowout conversation of angry e-mails and calls with my father, my mom called him to try and reason with him. He immediately hung up on her without even listening to anything reasonable, and then sent her an e-mail saying in all capital letters "SHEILA, DO NOT CALL ME, I DONT WANT TO, AND I NEVER HAVE TO TALK TO YOU" It's like, hello, you son of a bitch, there are some times in life, especially in a crisis like this one, where civilized people DO talk about their children, grown or small, for the children's sake. My father expects, and will expect, if heaven forbid my mom passes away, that Mitch should and will be nice to, and kiss the ass, of anyone he says. "Dad", on the other hand, can be as abusive and miserable to Mitch and Sheila as he wants. After all, he "earned the right" (One of his favorite sayings) Mitch and Sheila on the other hand, have no rights. Sheila has no right to go to court to fight for her rights, and Mitch has no right to despise or disdain intolerable people in a situation that his father created. Mitch is just supposed to be a robot, controlled by "Dad".
I hope my mom lives, and is healthy for a long time, but, if heaven forbid she passes, I may need his financial assistance for a while, but, if he continues to abuse me emotionally as he is, so help me, one fine day, just like I vowed to myself as a child, I will kick him the fuck out of my life. I had once wished he would not see his grandchildren when I have children.
The big difference between my mom and dad is this. My mom has always loved me unconditionally, and provided uncondtional emotional, and when needed, financial support for me. With "Dad", anything he ever gave me was contigent on not only kissing his ass, but who else's ass I was kissing. I remember in the 1980s. During the years I was being civil to my emotionally abusive paternal grandmother, "Dad" took me to many baseball games. During the years I was not, we hardly went.
I pray, pray, pray, that my mom can beat this and live a long time. First and foremost, she deserves a longer, healthier life. She has suffered immeasurably at his hands, both in the marriage, and after. Also, if heaven forbid something happens to her, I dont want my father and his woman to be so financially advantaged, and for him to promise me money that I may well need to get started, and then have him "Crunch the numbers", and control and torture me with money. He has before, and he will again.
I've been saying prayers every night for my mom's successful treatment, and extended life. She deserves and needs it for herself, first and foremost, but I need it as well, so that my father does not become the ultimate winner, and will have free reign to do to me whatever he then wants.
Mitch
One of my father's biggest problems has always been that he fails to realize that my mom gave him what should be his biggest gift, me. From early childhood, he was always trying to forciably drag me away from my loving maternal grandparents, and sabatoge my relationship with my mom, especially after the divorce, by saying things like "Some people are closer to their stepmothers".
As I already posted, I had to ask my father to call my mom after the Dr told her about her likely cancer diagnosis in the hospital last week. He did not take it upon himself to have the shread of human decency to say: "Gee, the woman I was married to for 21 years, and who gave me my son, my son's mother, was just diagnosed with cancer, so I should, if for no other reason for Mitch's sake, call her just to say hello". My mom said that during the whole convo, my father talked to her in a cold, clipped tone of voice.
Yesterday, when I got into the blowout conversation of angry e-mails and calls with my father, my mom called him to try and reason with him. He immediately hung up on her without even listening to anything reasonable, and then sent her an e-mail saying in all capital letters "SHEILA, DO NOT CALL ME, I DONT WANT TO, AND I NEVER HAVE TO TALK TO YOU" It's like, hello, you son of a bitch, there are some times in life, especially in a crisis like this one, where civilized people DO talk about their children, grown or small, for the children's sake. My father expects, and will expect, if heaven forbid my mom passes away, that Mitch should and will be nice to, and kiss the ass, of anyone he says. "Dad", on the other hand, can be as abusive and miserable to Mitch and Sheila as he wants. After all, he "earned the right" (One of his favorite sayings) Mitch and Sheila on the other hand, have no rights. Sheila has no right to go to court to fight for her rights, and Mitch has no right to despise or disdain intolerable people in a situation that his father created. Mitch is just supposed to be a robot, controlled by "Dad".
I hope my mom lives, and is healthy for a long time, but, if heaven forbid she passes, I may need his financial assistance for a while, but, if he continues to abuse me emotionally as he is, so help me, one fine day, just like I vowed to myself as a child, I will kick him the fuck out of my life. I had once wished he would not see his grandchildren when I have children.
The big difference between my mom and dad is this. My mom has always loved me unconditionally, and provided uncondtional emotional, and when needed, financial support for me. With "Dad", anything he ever gave me was contigent on not only kissing his ass, but who else's ass I was kissing. I remember in the 1980s. During the years I was being civil to my emotionally abusive paternal grandmother, "Dad" took me to many baseball games. During the years I was not, we hardly went.
I pray, pray, pray, that my mom can beat this and live a long time. First and foremost, she deserves a longer, healthier life. She has suffered immeasurably at his hands, both in the marriage, and after. Also, if heaven forbid something happens to her, I dont want my father and his woman to be so financially advantaged, and for him to promise me money that I may well need to get started, and then have him "Crunch the numbers", and control and torture me with money. He has before, and he will again.
I've been saying prayers every night for my mom's successful treatment, and extended life. She deserves and needs it for herself, first and foremost, but I need it as well, so that my father does not become the ultimate winner, and will have free reign to do to me whatever he then wants.
Mitch
