With the way my year has gone.. it shouldn't surprise me that this happened.
I saw Maria today, and she informed me that she is getting married.. to someone else. A supposed "Guy Friend", who she has loved as a friend for a long time.
While this hurts that I wont ever be with her, I'm also pissed off about something else. Maria, who I thought was honest, lied to me. When I had asked her, in the past, if any of the reason why she doesn't want to be with me, has to do with the fact that I don't have money, she had said at the time, "Oh, no, that's not the reason". However, one of the reasons she told me she's marrying this guy, is that he has a great job, with great benefits, and marrying him will give her financial security, and perhaps enable her to quit her job, and find something else. I don't have a problem with that.. but I don't appreciate that she lied to me, after bending my ear about her problems this whole year. I might not be where I want to be, but I was honest with her, about past relationships, breakups with my ex best friend, my problems with my father, tax issues, business failures, lack of job history, etc etc.
Compared to the other horrible things that have hit me in the past nineteen months, this should be a mild sting at best, but it still hurts.
I printed up copies of my job resume today, and will start applying to some places I've seen on Monday. Knowing my luck, if I can find anything, I will probably have the worst job, with the worst boss, and I'll still have to deal with my father, and his abuse, in addition.
For those who think I'm being "negative", and I need to use "Positive Thinking".. why would I do that? Every last thing in the past three and a half years has been negative. Why should I expect it to change now? A "Job" doesn't free me of my father, and his abuse.
As examples of things I went into with my "best foot forward", and blew up in my face.
My beloved business, Market America, failed, after I approached the most prominent people in network/direct marketing, and they refused to sign on, so my business failed. .
My mom's cancer was "Treatable". We spent.. thousands of dollars, and drove hundreds of miles a week, and lived in NJ for three months. She was "cancer free", only to have it recur three months later, and have her pass away six weeks after that. All of my mom's pain and suffering emotionally and physically, my pain and suffering of watching the person I loved most in the world, waste away, and the Drs hard work, went for naught.
After I was gracious to my father and his family, following my reconciliation with him... they were all abusive to me, everyone from him, to my uncle, to every last one of his cousins, after I was so forgiving, and tried to forget the past. I'm stuck with him, unless I want to be homeless, which he knows..,.and he's using it to his advantage, by ignoring me, and emotionally abusing me, as much as possible, not to mention justifying all in his family who have abused me, and ripping my dead mother.
I have long interaction with Maria, for over a year, during which we share many personal details. She admits she enjoys my company, and always asks to see me more. Now, instead of giving me a shot.. she chooses to marry another guy, because he's more financially secure than I am.
I approach powerful sources about my current business idea, which is potentially very lucrative, and I've been ignored..
Is there ANY REASON I should be positive?
"God Helps Those Who Help Themselves". Bullshit. If that were true.. Market America would have worked for me, or one of the other many businesses I did, years ago. My mom would have survived for a few years longer after the pain and suffering we both went through during her illness. The sources I approached would have been receptive to my new business. Maria would have been with me. My father and his family would have treated me better this year, realizing that I forgave them for their many hurts and sins. Instead, he takes no responsibility for what he did to me, rips my dead mother, and justifies everyone in his family who behaved uncivilized to me.
NOT EVEN ONE of those things happened in my favor. No one expects to have everything good happen, or even most things, but not even one thing?
Nonetheless.. in spite of all this.. I know what I have to do. I have my "resume" all ready, will continue looking through job ads this weekend, and will make calls on Monday.
IF I could find a job.. or a source to help me with my business.. to enable me to make enough money to support my apartment myself, and tell my father to go to hell permanently, THAT would be really beneficial. I don't see that happening for a long time, unless I unexpectedly meet a girl somewhere, who I move in with, or marry, to have a second income,.. to be able to afford the cost of living. With my luck.. I see that as a while away.
Nonetheless, I will take step one, and look for whatever "job". We'll see how fast I get hired anywhere. I'm going to try, but it still wont free me of my biggest problem, my father. If I could be free of him, then I will have accomplished something.
I saw Maria today, and she informed me that she is getting married.. to someone else. A supposed "Guy Friend", who she has loved as a friend for a long time.
While this hurts that I wont ever be with her, I'm also pissed off about something else. Maria, who I thought was honest, lied to me. When I had asked her, in the past, if any of the reason why she doesn't want to be with me, has to do with the fact that I don't have money, she had said at the time, "Oh, no, that's not the reason". However, one of the reasons she told me she's marrying this guy, is that he has a great job, with great benefits, and marrying him will give her financial security, and perhaps enable her to quit her job, and find something else. I don't have a problem with that.. but I don't appreciate that she lied to me, after bending my ear about her problems this whole year. I might not be where I want to be, but I was honest with her, about past relationships, breakups with my ex best friend, my problems with my father, tax issues, business failures, lack of job history, etc etc.
Compared to the other horrible things that have hit me in the past nineteen months, this should be a mild sting at best, but it still hurts.
I printed up copies of my job resume today, and will start applying to some places I've seen on Monday. Knowing my luck, if I can find anything, I will probably have the worst job, with the worst boss, and I'll still have to deal with my father, and his abuse, in addition.
For those who think I'm being "negative", and I need to use "Positive Thinking".. why would I do that? Every last thing in the past three and a half years has been negative. Why should I expect it to change now? A "Job" doesn't free me of my father, and his abuse.
As examples of things I went into with my "best foot forward", and blew up in my face.
My beloved business, Market America, failed, after I approached the most prominent people in network/direct marketing, and they refused to sign on, so my business failed. .
My mom's cancer was "Treatable". We spent.. thousands of dollars, and drove hundreds of miles a week, and lived in NJ for three months. She was "cancer free", only to have it recur three months later, and have her pass away six weeks after that. All of my mom's pain and suffering emotionally and physically, my pain and suffering of watching the person I loved most in the world, waste away, and the Drs hard work, went for naught.
After I was gracious to my father and his family, following my reconciliation with him... they were all abusive to me, everyone from him, to my uncle, to every last one of his cousins, after I was so forgiving, and tried to forget the past. I'm stuck with him, unless I want to be homeless, which he knows..,.and he's using it to his advantage, by ignoring me, and emotionally abusing me, as much as possible, not to mention justifying all in his family who have abused me, and ripping my dead mother.
I have long interaction with Maria, for over a year, during which we share many personal details. She admits she enjoys my company, and always asks to see me more. Now, instead of giving me a shot.. she chooses to marry another guy, because he's more financially secure than I am.
I approach powerful sources about my current business idea, which is potentially very lucrative, and I've been ignored..
Is there ANY REASON I should be positive?
"God Helps Those Who Help Themselves". Bullshit. If that were true.. Market America would have worked for me, or one of the other many businesses I did, years ago. My mom would have survived for a few years longer after the pain and suffering we both went through during her illness. The sources I approached would have been receptive to my new business. Maria would have been with me. My father and his family would have treated me better this year, realizing that I forgave them for their many hurts and sins. Instead, he takes no responsibility for what he did to me, rips my dead mother, and justifies everyone in his family who behaved uncivilized to me.
NOT EVEN ONE of those things happened in my favor. No one expects to have everything good happen, or even most things, but not even one thing?
Nonetheless.. in spite of all this.. I know what I have to do. I have my "resume" all ready, will continue looking through job ads this weekend, and will make calls on Monday.
IF I could find a job.. or a source to help me with my business.. to enable me to make enough money to support my apartment myself, and tell my father to go to hell permanently, THAT would be really beneficial. I don't see that happening for a long time, unless I unexpectedly meet a girl somewhere, who I move in with, or marry, to have a second income,.. to be able to afford the cost of living. With my luck.. I see that as a while away.
Nonetheless, I will take step one, and look for whatever "job". We'll see how fast I get hired anywhere. I'm going to try, but it still wont free me of my biggest problem, my father. If I could be free of him, then I will have accomplished something.
