I mentioned it before about needing an off-switch for my brain. Yeah, it's one of those nights. 
I hate my brain. And my brain hates me. I swear, it does. It likes to torture me. Right now I feel like I'm hyped up on sugar and caffeine and a million thoughts are zipping across my mind. I wanna run and run and run until I pass out from exhaustion, but I won't 'cause 1) it's half past midnight and 2) I don't run unless being chased.
Since I talked to Rob about the Michigan gathering, I haven't stopped thinking about gatherings in general. About how much I want to go, how much of a learning and growing experience it will be, and how much I want to meet these amazing people I've become friends with. I want to shake their hands, to hug them, to know "holy crap these people are real". I honestly believe that if I don't do this now, I don't think I ever will. I need that push. I need to walk off that cliff and fall and know that despite how scary it is, it was worth the risk.
Gatherings have been on my mind for a while now, but I really got a kick in the butt before, during and after NEST. Then Rob lit the fire beneath me and I decided I'm going to the Michigan gathering. Still going to try for Bella's in November, but Michigan will be my first. 😉 Going to the gathering won't be the only first thing I'm doing. I'm going to be flying for the first time in my life and I'm going to be traveling on my own. It scares the shit out of me, and sometimes on a bad day, I think I won't be able to do it, no matter that I say that I'm going to do it.
I know that it's the fear of the unknown. It's part of being human. Sometimes it's helpful; sometimes it does more harm than good. And my brain will take something and beat it into a bloody pulp.
So right now my fear of the unknown is three things: the gathering, traveling, and flying. Until I experience it, I won't be able to get those thoughts out of my head. I'm going to think about it and think about it and think about it until I just want to pound my head against a wall. 
And nights like tonight, where I should be sleeping but I can't because my brain won't shut off, will probably happen again.
Thank god I have tomorrow off, otherwise I'd be irritable at work. 😱
Also thank god for blogs 'cause it has helped to purge the demons from my brain. Now I can sleep. 
(Forgive me if none of this makes sense or is just plain weird.
)
I hate my brain. And my brain hates me. I swear, it does. It likes to torture me. Right now I feel like I'm hyped up on sugar and caffeine and a million thoughts are zipping across my mind. I wanna run and run and run until I pass out from exhaustion, but I won't 'cause 1) it's half past midnight and 2) I don't run unless being chased.
Since I talked to Rob about the Michigan gathering, I haven't stopped thinking about gatherings in general. About how much I want to go, how much of a learning and growing experience it will be, and how much I want to meet these amazing people I've become friends with. I want to shake their hands, to hug them, to know "holy crap these people are real". I honestly believe that if I don't do this now, I don't think I ever will. I need that push. I need to walk off that cliff and fall and know that despite how scary it is, it was worth the risk.
Gatherings have been on my mind for a while now, but I really got a kick in the butt before, during and after NEST. Then Rob lit the fire beneath me and I decided I'm going to the Michigan gathering. Still going to try for Bella's in November, but Michigan will be my first. 😉 Going to the gathering won't be the only first thing I'm doing. I'm going to be flying for the first time in my life and I'm going to be traveling on my own. It scares the shit out of me, and sometimes on a bad day, I think I won't be able to do it, no matter that I say that I'm going to do it.
I know that it's the fear of the unknown. It's part of being human. Sometimes it's helpful; sometimes it does more harm than good. And my brain will take something and beat it into a bloody pulp.
So right now my fear of the unknown is three things: the gathering, traveling, and flying. Until I experience it, I won't be able to get those thoughts out of my head. I'm going to think about it and think about it and think about it until I just want to pound my head against a wall. And nights like tonight, where I should be sleeping but I can't because my brain won't shut off, will probably happen again.
Thank god I have tomorrow off, otherwise I'd be irritable at work. 😱Also thank god for blogs 'cause it has helped to purge the demons from my brain.
Now I can sleep. (Forgive me if none of this makes sense or is just plain weird.
)
I just booked my flight...