So I retired and returned and...whats up with that?
Fair warning: you may not agree with the things therein, and if you're the intolerant sort, unable to have a civil discussion or have an axe to grind, you're probably best passing on this entry. Open minds only.
Some know that I hit the ripcord and left at the end of Oct 23. The reasons behind it were primarily related to my deeply held beliefs. Anyone holding any worldview, whether religious or even non-religious, are open to the ability to become a hypocrite. I certainly didn't want that, and worse, to offend God by living basically a double life.
I do take my beliefs seriously and therefore try to live them out.
So it took a lot of thought and discussion while I was on hiatus, if I was indeed okay doing what I was / am doing.
Theres a reason I don't shoot anything overtly sexual, though some have gotten extremely aroused (ergo my one series) but thats never been something I've aimed to happen. Oh I know people will eyeroll and say theres no way I'm not aroused during a shoot but I'm truly not. As I've said in my original blog entry, it simply isn't that way if you're being a pro about it. Being a pro doesnt mean sitting there like a robot but what it DOES mean, is youre concentrating on model safety, what the audience will see, and the shoot / clip duration - hiring isn't cheap when you hire quality.
So is it fun? Like I said prior, of course it is. The laughter and joking you see in my clips isn't pretend, we really are having fun as you see it. I nor my wife would allow me in this world if it were any other way. I love her and don't want to risk a divorce by any means, and I don't want to disrespect her either. Not cool.
This is fun and profitable, but it isn't worth losing that either.
Was my departure sudden? Kinda.
But not really. Like anyone else I have my own thoughts and internal battles. Just because someone doesnt voice them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Kinda like quarks, God, and other dimensions (what are we up to now…..potentially 11?). Anyway.
I’ve been talking to people I highly trust in these matters. One philosopher, a theologian, and an ordained fellow I’ve been friends with for twenty years, who is well versed in ANE culture and the Bible as a whole. One didn’t approve. Brilliant fellow but he’s very much old school when it comes to even masturbation itself which….I simply think he’s wrong about. But I’ll get to that. The other two didn’t have an issue; found it strange, sure. But didn’t have an issue. With what I do, no one is naked, nor sexually stimulated (yes I know some can and have - orgasmed from tickling - but like anything else I produce, I just tickle them and record….I’m not TRYING to get anyone to do anything - keepin’ it real). The only people I won’t hire are those who aren’t ticklish because well….that doesn’t make for much, does it?
The question starts with, ‘what is lust’? There’s been centuries long debate over the term itself. Churches have caused a LOT of trouble for young men (and women I’m sure..but I’m not a girl, can’t speak for their own desires and such) telling them if they even LOOK at someone and find them attractive that they’re committing adultery. Clearly this is wrong. If you used that line of thought, then you can divorce your spouse if they look at tiddies on the internet. No, seriously. What then, is lust?
Well it’s a synonym for covet. Well whats coveting?
If you’re interested in a good video about 5 minutes long, Dennis Prager (let your politics go a moment - yes hes a conservative and yes this country is terribly divided - but if you disagree with his other views at least listen to this clip, its nothing to do with politics) has a great bit on YouTube. Basically coveting is the source of other crimes/offenses. It’s ok to want things. It’s not okay when you put a plan into action. That is, if given the opportunity, you’d sleep with your friends wife. That’s why it says dont covet your neighbors wife, or house, or donkey (which i guess would be your neighbors car now lol).
The other thing that’s always annoyed me is when people will try to twist Song of Solomon into something it isnt. It IS erotic. There simply isn’t any other way to read this. They’ll say ‘oh it’s a metaphor for Christ and his church’, or some such. Ok even if we grant that (which is pretty weird considering some of the descriptions in there) - that still doesn’t slide the point aside that the words used are VERY sexual. Metaphor or not. The author knew what he was writing, he wasn’t stupid. Did he write it for the express purpose of someone getting their jollies off to it? I wouldn’t think so, but it wasn’t like there was video back then, so all they had was writing and pictures. Someone reading that would undoubtedly have gotten aroused or at least the author had to have known that would happen. I can already imagine heads ablaze pissed off at me for writing that, but tell me I’m wrong. I once read an author (Christian author) who was talking about the humanity of Christ and how just like us, he would have been a baby crying, dirtying diapers, etc, and he actually had readers mad at him for suggesting that Christ would dirty a diaper. Oy…
I also do not believe masturbation to be a sin. You’ll get pushback on that one I know, but simply saying pleasures of the flesh ain’t gonna cut it. And why? Do you find food pleasurable? What about water? A nice swim? A hot shower? On and on and on. These are all flesh based pleasures. How this puritanical mode of thought penetrated this is beyond me. When you gratify desires of a sinful nature, ah - now it’s a problem. If you desire to steal something and you gratify that, thats obviously wrong. In the same way alcohol isn’t a sin, neither is masturbation. It’s when we take ANYTHING in excess it becomes a problem. Why? Well thats when it becomes idolatry. That is, you’re putting something above God and it gets into worship mode with obsession doesn’t it? I have a friend who is horny 24/7 and doesn’t hide it - it’s an ongoing joke. He told a story where his wife was falling asleep and wasn’t DTF. He said ok but this is going to go to waste - then turned over and let it fly while in the bed next to her. That’s…a bit weird. Mine certainly wouldn’t have liked that lol
I laughed at the story and asked how she reacted, “I’ll tell you like I told her, I gotta get the poison out!”
His point being, if he doesn’t relieve himself he may run off and do whatever else worse.
You can say ‘oh get a grip and control yourself!’
Fine and dandy but for how long? If she started denying him, THEN what? What’s he supposed to do? Take cold showers the rest of his life since some will tell you masturbation is wrong? Come on.
My rule of thumb has always been since I started this, that I’d only shoot the type of stuff that is clothed (yes Kylies boob fell out accidentally while she was almost levitating off the table - wasn’t remotely intentional) - and I wasn’t stimulating someone. Sorry, as hot as it sounds I won’t put a wand on anyone in a production - even myself which yes, I’ve had requested. Again, sounds awesome for personal play, but that’s a no go. That ISNT a knock on others with differing limits than I. I’m explaining where my head is.
I’ve asked a while now: why is it something like wrestling, tickling, and ‘tie up’ (bondage) games are okay when you’re a kid, but suddenly you hit a certain age and its made ‘dirty’? Yeah, if you’re doing this and you’ve got a raging boner with your friend you’re rolling around with, that’s different from when you’re a kid - or at least I assume so? Growing up I did these things and they were simply FUN. They weren’t anything beyond that. Many of you have reached out to me and said you like my content because of it being genuine, but also that we’re having fun together. That actually shocked me to hear. I’d ask how a viewer KNEW that? No one had a description but they ‘just knew’. That still throws me for a loop because they’re right - we are having fun. I typically don’t show my face (I dont hide it necessarily, I just cut it out of the frame normally because who is looking at me anyway?) because I’m armpit deep trying to stifle my own laughter! I get the same joy shooting these clips as I do when I’m playing a prank on someone. I can’t describe it beyond that. It’s simply fun. I also get to be creative, and that’s something thats always soothed me, as a PTSD sufferer (long story, don’t ask).
I can’t answer why anyone else enjoys this because I don’t know. I can say for me, I have control issues (absent parents) and I suspect most comes from that. I’m also a people pleaser though, so making people happy means a lot to me. Toss that in a blender and bam. You get a sadist-ish sorta fellow that wants you to enjoy it. A ‘loving’ dom I guess you’d say. Or that used to be the term anyway.
I know with the ‘Lickle’ series I’ll halt that. That’s verged into a far more erotic realm than I’m comfortable with. I don’t need that, it’s a bridge too far. The ticklegasm stuff is…well it’s a weird spot to be in. I’m not weirded out by it, but I’m not TRYING to get that to happen either. My material is extremely organic, as viewers should know (yes you’ll always get detractors claim that its fake its fake blah blah - but there’s nothing you can do to convince them so why bother). I hit the go button after someone is strapped in and it leads where it leads. Point being, the Lickle series was intentional (obviously) and that probably needs to cease.
It’s been a battle coming to grips with all of this but I appreciate the messages I’ve gotten.
If I ever think it through again and come out on the side of it being against what I believe, I'll pull the plug again. But I do think I have it sorted out.
I won’t throw my soul / salvation away over wealth nor desires. Nothing is worth that. But I’m also not going to kowtow to someone TELLING me how I’m supposed to read and understand something when they’re using their own lens and wants to drive the interpretation. I’ve seen people wear around and brag about their own holiness like the legalistic Pharisees of Jesus’ day. Be a good person, sure - but when you get prideful about it, it’s just as sinful as anything else.
I've had some I've been in dialogue with (I enjoy discussing different viewpoints as long as the other person isnt a jackass) ask me why I think what I think. Rather than a weeks long public tit for tat, I usually point them to reasonablefaith.org - great material there, and he can convey it much better than I could.
Anyway! If you made it this far now ya know 🙂
Some know that I hit the ripcord and left at the end of Oct 23. The reasons behind it were primarily related to my deeply held beliefs. Anyone holding any worldview, whether religious or even non-religious, are open to the ability to become a hypocrite. I certainly didn't want that, and worse, to offend God by living basically a double life.
I do take my beliefs seriously and therefore try to live them out.
So it took a lot of thought and discussion while I was on hiatus, if I was indeed okay doing what I was / am doing.
Theres a reason I don't shoot anything overtly sexual, though some have gotten extremely aroused (ergo my one series) but thats never been something I've aimed to happen. Oh I know people will eyeroll and say theres no way I'm not aroused during a shoot but I'm truly not. As I've said in my original blog entry, it simply isn't that way if you're being a pro about it. Being a pro doesnt mean sitting there like a robot but what it DOES mean, is youre concentrating on model safety, what the audience will see, and the shoot / clip duration - hiring isn't cheap when you hire quality.
So is it fun? Like I said prior, of course it is. The laughter and joking you see in my clips isn't pretend, we really are having fun as you see it. I nor my wife would allow me in this world if it were any other way. I love her and don't want to risk a divorce by any means, and I don't want to disrespect her either. Not cool.
This is fun and profitable, but it isn't worth losing that either.
Was my departure sudden? Kinda.
But not really. Like anyone else I have my own thoughts and internal battles. Just because someone doesnt voice them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Kinda like quarks, God, and other dimensions (what are we up to now…..potentially 11?). Anyway.
I’ve been talking to people I highly trust in these matters. One philosopher, a theologian, and an ordained fellow I’ve been friends with for twenty years, who is well versed in ANE culture and the Bible as a whole. One didn’t approve. Brilliant fellow but he’s very much old school when it comes to even masturbation itself which….I simply think he’s wrong about. But I’ll get to that. The other two didn’t have an issue; found it strange, sure. But didn’t have an issue. With what I do, no one is naked, nor sexually stimulated (yes I know some can and have - orgasmed from tickling - but like anything else I produce, I just tickle them and record….I’m not TRYING to get anyone to do anything - keepin’ it real). The only people I won’t hire are those who aren’t ticklish because well….that doesn’t make for much, does it?
The question starts with, ‘what is lust’? There’s been centuries long debate over the term itself. Churches have caused a LOT of trouble for young men (and women I’m sure..but I’m not a girl, can’t speak for their own desires and such) telling them if they even LOOK at someone and find them attractive that they’re committing adultery. Clearly this is wrong. If you used that line of thought, then you can divorce your spouse if they look at tiddies on the internet. No, seriously. What then, is lust?
Well it’s a synonym for covet. Well whats coveting?
If you’re interested in a good video about 5 minutes long, Dennis Prager (let your politics go a moment - yes hes a conservative and yes this country is terribly divided - but if you disagree with his other views at least listen to this clip, its nothing to do with politics) has a great bit on YouTube. Basically coveting is the source of other crimes/offenses. It’s ok to want things. It’s not okay when you put a plan into action. That is, if given the opportunity, you’d sleep with your friends wife. That’s why it says dont covet your neighbors wife, or house, or donkey (which i guess would be your neighbors car now lol).
The other thing that’s always annoyed me is when people will try to twist Song of Solomon into something it isnt. It IS erotic. There simply isn’t any other way to read this. They’ll say ‘oh it’s a metaphor for Christ and his church’, or some such. Ok even if we grant that (which is pretty weird considering some of the descriptions in there) - that still doesn’t slide the point aside that the words used are VERY sexual. Metaphor or not. The author knew what he was writing, he wasn’t stupid. Did he write it for the express purpose of someone getting their jollies off to it? I wouldn’t think so, but it wasn’t like there was video back then, so all they had was writing and pictures. Someone reading that would undoubtedly have gotten aroused or at least the author had to have known that would happen. I can already imagine heads ablaze pissed off at me for writing that, but tell me I’m wrong. I once read an author (Christian author) who was talking about the humanity of Christ and how just like us, he would have been a baby crying, dirtying diapers, etc, and he actually had readers mad at him for suggesting that Christ would dirty a diaper. Oy…
I also do not believe masturbation to be a sin. You’ll get pushback on that one I know, but simply saying pleasures of the flesh ain’t gonna cut it. And why? Do you find food pleasurable? What about water? A nice swim? A hot shower? On and on and on. These are all flesh based pleasures. How this puritanical mode of thought penetrated this is beyond me. When you gratify desires of a sinful nature, ah - now it’s a problem. If you desire to steal something and you gratify that, thats obviously wrong. In the same way alcohol isn’t a sin, neither is masturbation. It’s when we take ANYTHING in excess it becomes a problem. Why? Well thats when it becomes idolatry. That is, you’re putting something above God and it gets into worship mode with obsession doesn’t it? I have a friend who is horny 24/7 and doesn’t hide it - it’s an ongoing joke. He told a story where his wife was falling asleep and wasn’t DTF. He said ok but this is going to go to waste - then turned over and let it fly while in the bed next to her. That’s…a bit weird. Mine certainly wouldn’t have liked that lol
I laughed at the story and asked how she reacted, “I’ll tell you like I told her, I gotta get the poison out!”
His point being, if he doesn’t relieve himself he may run off and do whatever else worse.
You can say ‘oh get a grip and control yourself!’
Fine and dandy but for how long? If she started denying him, THEN what? What’s he supposed to do? Take cold showers the rest of his life since some will tell you masturbation is wrong? Come on.
My rule of thumb has always been since I started this, that I’d only shoot the type of stuff that is clothed (yes Kylies boob fell out accidentally while she was almost levitating off the table - wasn’t remotely intentional) - and I wasn’t stimulating someone. Sorry, as hot as it sounds I won’t put a wand on anyone in a production - even myself which yes, I’ve had requested. Again, sounds awesome for personal play, but that’s a no go. That ISNT a knock on others with differing limits than I. I’m explaining where my head is.
I’ve asked a while now: why is it something like wrestling, tickling, and ‘tie up’ (bondage) games are okay when you’re a kid, but suddenly you hit a certain age and its made ‘dirty’? Yeah, if you’re doing this and you’ve got a raging boner with your friend you’re rolling around with, that’s different from when you’re a kid - or at least I assume so? Growing up I did these things and they were simply FUN. They weren’t anything beyond that. Many of you have reached out to me and said you like my content because of it being genuine, but also that we’re having fun together. That actually shocked me to hear. I’d ask how a viewer KNEW that? No one had a description but they ‘just knew’. That still throws me for a loop because they’re right - we are having fun. I typically don’t show my face (I dont hide it necessarily, I just cut it out of the frame normally because who is looking at me anyway?) because I’m armpit deep trying to stifle my own laughter! I get the same joy shooting these clips as I do when I’m playing a prank on someone. I can’t describe it beyond that. It’s simply fun. I also get to be creative, and that’s something thats always soothed me, as a PTSD sufferer (long story, don’t ask).
I can’t answer why anyone else enjoys this because I don’t know. I can say for me, I have control issues (absent parents) and I suspect most comes from that. I’m also a people pleaser though, so making people happy means a lot to me. Toss that in a blender and bam. You get a sadist-ish sorta fellow that wants you to enjoy it. A ‘loving’ dom I guess you’d say. Or that used to be the term anyway.
I know with the ‘Lickle’ series I’ll halt that. That’s verged into a far more erotic realm than I’m comfortable with. I don’t need that, it’s a bridge too far. The ticklegasm stuff is…well it’s a weird spot to be in. I’m not weirded out by it, but I’m not TRYING to get that to happen either. My material is extremely organic, as viewers should know (yes you’ll always get detractors claim that its fake its fake blah blah - but there’s nothing you can do to convince them so why bother). I hit the go button after someone is strapped in and it leads where it leads. Point being, the Lickle series was intentional (obviously) and that probably needs to cease.
It’s been a battle coming to grips with all of this but I appreciate the messages I’ve gotten.
If I ever think it through again and come out on the side of it being against what I believe, I'll pull the plug again. But I do think I have it sorted out.
I won’t throw my soul / salvation away over wealth nor desires. Nothing is worth that. But I’m also not going to kowtow to someone TELLING me how I’m supposed to read and understand something when they’re using their own lens and wants to drive the interpretation. I’ve seen people wear around and brag about their own holiness like the legalistic Pharisees of Jesus’ day. Be a good person, sure - but when you get prideful about it, it’s just as sinful as anything else.
I've had some I've been in dialogue with (I enjoy discussing different viewpoints as long as the other person isnt a jackass) ask me why I think what I think. Rather than a weeks long public tit for tat, I usually point them to reasonablefaith.org - great material there, and he can convey it much better than I could.
Anyway! If you made it this far now ya know 🙂
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